# I need a bit of help, I think.



## sporkattack (Sep 8, 2006)

Not sure if this post in the right place or not...if it's not, mods, feel free to delete/move it.

So...I'm recovering from anorexia, and it's not going too well. My mother and psychologis are convinced that I'm "much better", but I certainly don't feel "better". I'm 15, 5'3-ish, and 91 pounds. I have days where I feel absolutely huge...even though I know I'm probably not. I have a terrible fear of gaining any more weight (three months ago, I hit my lowest weight at 78 pounds, so I have gained quite a bit since starting the recovery process...I think I may have gained the weight too quickly, but whatever).

I'm trying _so_ hard to get over this. Does any one have any tips at all on conquering self-image problems?


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## queenofdisaster (Sep 8, 2006)

i have had a really bad problem with self-esteem. before i got pregnant i was 5'8" and 97 pounds. i won't say i was anorexic, but i definitely had an eating disorder due to severe depression. what helped me was just finding someone to talk to about my problems. honestly, i feel that since joining specktra i have met some wonderful women who have really helped me overcome my self-esteem issues.


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## sporkattack (Sep 8, 2006)

Thanks, queenofdisaster.


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## queenofdisaster (Sep 8, 2006)

you're welcome. you know where to find me if you need anyone to talk to!


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## NutMeg (Sep 8, 2006)

Honey I think one of the trickiest parts of recovery is that you can look at someone the same size as you, see someone beautiful, and then look at yourself and just see fat. I was freaked out when I read your post because I'm 17, 5'3", and ~120 pounds. I know you've probably been told what wieght you need to reach etc, and I really wish I could help you to see that you really aren't huge. But I don't know how big a difference I can make on the other side of a computer screen. Since I'm the same height as you, I could maybe send you a picture of me. I'm far from overwieght, and maybe it would help you to see that you could gain atleast twenty pounds without getting anywhere near huge. I don't know, let me know if I can do anything.


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## Shimmer (Sep 8, 2006)

Anorexia is a very complex affliction, have you spoken with your doctor?


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## sporkattack (Sep 9, 2006)

NutMeg: Thanks. Maybe a photo would help. It might help me to see what a legitimately healthy person looks like.

Shimmer: I see a medical doctor and a psychologist regularly...and they were helping, up until recently.


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## Uchina (Sep 9, 2006)

The best thing to do right now is go out and get a life!  Try to keep busy having fun, accomplishing things, and taking over the world.  That way, when that voice sneeks up behind you and says "hey, you're fat", you can say "shut up, I'm occupied right now.  You don't fit into my life anymore."


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## Shimmer (Sep 9, 2006)

Can you call your doctor(s) and tell them what is going on?


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## sporkattack (Sep 9, 2006)

Uchina: Thanks so much for the advice!

Shimmer: It's gotten to the point where doctors just don't seem to help. My psychologist is more interested in talking about the cause than the solution...which helps, up to a point, but now...it's not as helpful. Here's the way I see it...I'm not going to get over this disorder unless _I_ take control. When I go to the doctor, sometimes I feel like they're the ones controlling my recovery...which is fine. But the problem is that I'm having trouble taking control.


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## Uchina (Sep 9, 2006)

It's important to talk to your therapist about how she/he can best help you!  If you want changes, any decent therapist will accomodate you.  You ARE paying tons of money, by the way.


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## sporkattack (Sep 9, 2006)

Thanks, Uchina. Perhaps you're right...maybe it's just a matter of speaking to my therapist. I just wish I could control this...I'm sick of feeling so helpless towards my anorexia.


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## Wattage (Sep 9, 2006)

I dont know if you are seeing just a general counsellor/psychologist, but perhaps it may help to try seeing someone who has specialized in dealing with EDs. The nature of your illness is quite complex as well as very fragile. I strongly encourage you to try someone who specializes in this field.

Best of luck!


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## queenofdisaster (Sep 10, 2006)

Are you in school right now, sporkattack?


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## sporkattack (Sep 10, 2006)

Yes, queenofdisaster, school started a few weeks ago.


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## queenofdisaster (Sep 10, 2006)

High school or college?


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## sporkattack (Sep 10, 2006)

I'm in high school.


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## queenofdisaster (Sep 10, 2006)

Do you have any close friends you can talk to about it? I always found that that helped me more than anything else? Try some elective classes that you are really interested in that can maybe keep you occupied!


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## sporkattack (Sep 10, 2006)

Thanks for the advice, queenofdisaster!


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## maxcat (Sep 11, 2006)

Couple of things from someone who almost died because of anorexia/bullimia -honey, it's an obsessive compulsive disorder and it's got nothing to do necessarily with your self image but with how you're hardwired. 
First, you need to see your doctor, you need to be *completely*honest, you need a different therapist and you need to go to a specialist who treats OCD. It's likely worse when you're stressed out. Like, it's back to school, right? The second is you need to throw out all your scales and full length mirrors and "skinny jeans" that you wore at 73 lbs and get weighed ONLY at the doctors office *turned around* so you don't know where you're at. 
How about learning how to cook? It helped me rewire how I think about food. It became enjoyable and social for me, and something I did for myself and others. I also found out about healthy balanced eating - and that bad nutrition leads to bad thoughts which lead to depression which leads to me not eating. Yoga also helps, learning how to medidate helps you learn how to control it when your brain starts racing in the middle of the night and you start calculating all that you ate in the day. Private message me if you need to. You can beat this - I hear a young woman determined to get past this and *live*. You just need some help.


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## sporkattack (Sep 11, 2006)

Thank you so much, maxcat. I will try to do all of the things you suggested...hopefully that'll put me on the right track again!!


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## maxcat (Sep 11, 2006)

You've admitted you've got it, which is incredibly difficult to do and absolutely the toughest part of beating this... so give yourself huge props for that!!!


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## sporkattack (Sep 11, 2006)

Yes, it was very hard to admit...but I'm glad I did.


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## Beauty Mark (Sep 11, 2006)

You've already received some great advice, but here's mine.

-If your therapist/psychologist isn't working for you, I'd switch. It isn't like a one size fits all deal. I've been to enough to know.
-Maybe join a support group? I believe that they exist for eating disorders, and it may help to hear other people's stories and have people surround you who understand
-I don't know how helpful it would be, but have you read literature (auto-biographies, self-help books) for ideas on how to overcome anorexia? They shouldn't substitute but supplement what the doctor and psychologist are doing.


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