# Embarrased that I am not young & pretty



## SparklingWaves (Oct 8, 2007)

But, here I am


----------



## moonsugar7 (Oct 8, 2007)

You are beautiful!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 8, 2007)

Thank you for your reply.  I have NEVER felt pretty in my life.  I have PTSD and this really affects how I view myself.  I have been discussing with my therapist how I see so many beautiful young women being so brave on this website.  She suggested that I show a picture of myself.  This was very difficult for me, because I have extreme shame issues and now I am 40.  I know ladies in their 40 already have botox, facelifts, peels, etc.  I don't have money for that.  So, after losing a close relative this Saturday who also suffered from PTSD all his life, I felt I should give it a go.  Still crying just showing my face.  It's very difficult when you were told you so ugly by your abusers.    The abuse has effected every aspect of my life. I literally have to sleep with my biggest dog at night, because the flashbacks are so bad.  Thank you.


----------



## gigglegirl (Oct 8, 2007)

Hey SparklingWaves,

You are beautiful! Thanks for having the courage to post a pic here! Though I've not had the same experience, I truly do find this to be such a nice board/community I find myself coming here nearly daily for updates not just about makeup. There are many people here (myself included) that are here if you want to talk. 

It can definitely be a hard thing to move forward but I wish you all the best!


----------



## Janice (Oct 8, 2007)

Thank you for sharing your picture with us, you are beautiful.


----------



## RoseMe (Oct 8, 2007)

You are so pretty!!!  I also love the colors of your cheeks and lips, what type of make up did you use?


----------



## frocher (Oct 8, 2007)

You look gorgeous, you have a mouth like a doll!


----------



## glam8babe (Oct 8, 2007)

your beautiful! and you look wayyy younger than 40


----------



## MACATTAK (Oct 8, 2007)

You are gorgeous!  Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us


----------



## Shavwi (Oct 8, 2007)

don't be embarrassed - you are gorgeous


----------



## franimal (Oct 8, 2007)

I love the smoky eyes, and ya know,women are beautiful at any age. Thanks for sharing!


----------



## Holly (Oct 8, 2007)

You're so pretty 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I'm glad you posted your pic to share with us


----------



## VeXedPiNk (Oct 8, 2007)

Sweetheart, you do not need to even THINK about surgical enhancements, Botox, or any of that jazz! You are GORGEOUS! I love how fresh and clean your skin looks! I'm glad you shared this picture with us and I hope to see more in the future 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




What colour lipstick are you wearing?


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 8, 2007)

Thank you so much for the positive replies.  I have been so nervous.  I need to post a picture that is clear, so you can see the colors.  (((Yikes)))

Makeup:

Foundation:  M.A.C. Studio Stick Foundation NW15
Lips:  M.A.C. Chatterbox lipstick with M.A.C. Bountiful Plush Glass Gloss
Eyes:  M.A.C. Silver Fog Pigment, Dark Soul Pigment, Chanel Silvery e/s, Raven pencil, Bobbie Brown Black pot liner, Pixel Paint
Cheeks:  Chanel Narcisse #44 with Dior Show Cheeks in Lime light


----------



## MACATTAK (Oct 8, 2007)

I love this picture & you have the most amazing eye color


----------



## makeba (Oct 8, 2007)

Hello Beautiful lady!!

One thing is true everyone gets older with every birthday but as long as you keep yourself healthy inside your outsides will be pretty.  Your stunning. I am 37yrs old and sometimes wish i was 25 again cuz back then i had excellent credit
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




.  My husband has PTSD and its not easy but i can only tell you to stay blessed and keep up the therapy becuz it helps.

By the way can ya teach me how to do a smokey eye becuz yours is awesome!!


----------



## nunu (Oct 8, 2007)

wow you are gorgeous!!! and stunning!!
thanks for sharing your picture!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 8, 2007)

I feel the Smoky Eye look can be achieved by a good set of brushes.  I use a combo of Bobbi Brown and M.A.C.  I particularly like to use Bobbi Brown's eyeliner brush to give that smudge or smoky look.


----------



## KAIA (Oct 8, 2007)

I agree with everyone , you are a VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, and this might sound weird but.. YOUR NOSE IS PERFECTION 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 .... I have a thing for noses...
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




... I'm serious!
Thanks for sharing this pic in specktra, I am looking forward to see more pics!! also! some fotds or tutorials.. would be awesome!!! Take care!! 
Kisses
Kaia.


----------



## Simply Elegant (Oct 8, 2007)

I think you're beautiful.


----------



## Shimmer (Oct 8, 2007)

I love your nose.


Youth fades, character and spirit last forever. It sounds cheesy, but it's true.


----------



## ShexyKristin (Oct 8, 2007)

You don't look 40 that's for sure! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 I'm proud of you. and don't be ashamed or shy of anything, you're very pretty!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 9, 2007)

That's so funny about the nose.  I have never had anybody say that.  I have people root through my hair to see that I am really a blond and asked if I had braces. I never had braces.  I think I probably need them.   I have been asked recently at Walmart, "Where did I come from, because I didn't look like I was from here?"  Where do I look like I came from?  That's so weird.  That made me feel like a freak.

Gosh, I really envy all of you gorgeous ladies.  I look at your pictures daily and say to myself, "OMG, they are so beautiful".  I will say in my head, "I want to look like her and her.  Then, I realize that I have listed everyone!"  I love the pictures  sending kisses and neat poses.  I have one that I tried to pose and I feel it looks so stupid.  It looks like my neck is broken.


----------



## sitasati (Oct 9, 2007)

wow...i love ur face...u have classic features!


----------



## Hilly (Oct 9, 2007)

You have nice skin and eye color!! Thanks for posting!


----------



## Dawl (Oct 10, 2007)

OMG! You look like a Barbie!! I`m lovin the hair & makeup. Grr you're lucky I can't pull of that shade of lipstick!

You look way younger then fourty (;


----------



## MxAxC-_ATTACK (Oct 10, 2007)

your beautiful! 

(totally jealous of your super cute nose)


----------



## mandragora (Oct 10, 2007)

You have nothing to be embarassed about, you look gorgeous!  And I positively envy the shape of your nose.


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 10, 2007)

If it weren't for my therapist, I wouldn't have gotten the courage to show my face literally.  She has been working with me to get me out of hiding my self.  I am so scared of people.  I may not show it on the outside, but I am on the inside.   I am terribly self conscious.  Thanks so much for the beautiful comments.  Trust me my nose isn't perfect.  It must be a good angle of the camera.  Thank you.


----------



## Jot (Oct 10, 2007)

You look beautiful - like a classic movie star! Thanks for posting. Hopefully we will see more of you around here


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 10, 2007)

You are too kind.  I really want to put all my pets up one post.  They are my living angels.  They and all of you help me get through every day.  You all are a gift from God to me.  I mean that.


----------



## MarieLisa_Smile (Oct 10, 2007)

w
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




w *40*? you don't even look *40*. You look so beautiful and your makeup too! Keep em posting.


----------



## kyrillaangel (Oct 10, 2007)

Hi SparklingWaves,
I think you look very pretty ... and to be honest you don't look like you are 40 years old. I wish I had that beautiful eyes and that perfectly shaped lips. Hopefully you are going to post more pictures, I'm looking forward to seeing different looks on you.


----------



## User49 (Oct 10, 2007)

I felt moved when I read this title in the thread section. I was expecting to see a really funny picture of someone who was past that make up wearing stage. But I think you look fab and should take a different look at yourself. Feeling pretty isn't about being young. It's not about how much mac you can buy and change your face. It's what your feeling inside as a whole. When you are happy it and feel good you emanate a sort of glow and others see this too and you feel beautiful. I think you made a brave step on here and you shouldn't judge yourself as harsh as you do. Good luck with the future and don't worry so much anymore. Enjoy your life! There's more to it than looks and you don't have to worry about how you look


----------



## ms_bloom (Oct 10, 2007)

I too think you are beautiful and you have gorgeous classic features. More importantly, I think you are tremendously brave to post your picture here, even with the urging of your therapist. I hope it helps somewhat in dealing with your PTSD. The ladies here at Specktra are fabulous!


----------



## Odette (Oct 10, 2007)

You are a very beautiful lady. I love the makeup and hope to see more posts.


----------



## laguayaca (Oct 10, 2007)

I want to look as good as you in my 40s! Very Bonita!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 10, 2007)

Thank you so much for the compliment.  

My therapist is going to be so surprised next week when I tell her about this.  She will be shocked that I actually did it too.  I feel so naked though.  Whew.


----------



## wolfsong (Oct 10, 2007)

You look like a (few decades) younger Helen Mirren mixed with a bit of Meryl Syreep and Nicole Kidman.

You certainly need no work done - you have no bloody wrinkles in sight!
Your nose and eyes in particular are stunningly beautiful - you look like a porcelain doll, and thats the kind of beauty that grows with age.

Trust me there are many people that pay a hell of a lot to look as pretty and as young as you do, and you have something extra they will never be able to buy - internal beauty. I hope you find peace with yourself.


----------



## sallytheragdol (Oct 10, 2007)

Thank you for being brave enough to post here. You are a truly beautiful woman.  Gorgeous eyes, a pretty mouth perfect nose, amazing skin, and your courage makes you even more beautiful.


----------



## malvidia (Oct 10, 2007)

botox??? peel??? you don't need them!!! you don't have wrinkles and your face is just soooo beautiful!


----------



## lethaldesign (Oct 10, 2007)

You are beautiful! Thank you for having the courage to share this with everyone here. You have perfectly shaped lips.

Oh & PS... you don't look a day over 30!


----------



## Briar (Oct 11, 2007)

You are a beautiful woman!  I was very nervous about posting here as well, being 37 and heavy but the wonderful, encouraging people on this forum have helped me find love for myself and my own unique beauty.


----------



## a914butterfly (Oct 11, 2007)

you look pretty and you look younger than 40. thanks for posting your pic and sharing your story. i kind of know how you feel. i took both physical and mental abuse from my ex husband for 10 year. he kept telling me how ugly i was and how no one would want me. i actually heard it so much that i believed him. anyway, im over that and remarried and my ex is still by himself. (the tables turned). anyway, you look great and i like your makeup!!!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 11, 2007)

Oh, wow, you are empowered and doing well.  That's wonderful.  I love to hear from women of strength. Thank you for sharing that.


----------



## flowerhead (Oct 11, 2007)

Nah, you aren't pretty...you're beautiful! Stunning eye colour.


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 11, 2007)

You are a sweetie and cutie, Flowerhead.  I would love to go to London.


----------



## .k. (Oct 11, 2007)

wow, ur little head line reads lover of life 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



this is a really positive way to live life.
im sorry about ur awful experience with ptsd.
i cant even begin to imagine what you went through.
glad u found us though!
women here are really supportive and understanding.


----------



## flowerhead (Oct 11, 2007)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *SparklingWaves* 

 
_You are a sweetie and cutie, Flowerhead.  I would love to go to London._

 





 You must, it's the most fabulous city in the world! I meant it by the way, you have beautiful features. Appreciate them!


----------



## VRia93 (Oct 11, 2007)

you look like a barbie doll!! : O   i am sooo jelous!! your skin is so flawless! and people only dream of having that colour of eyes! you are so so so pretty!!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 11, 2007)

I am telling you the truth.  I have never been complimented like this.Never - Ever.  All the comments are always about my husband.  He has olive skin. People stare at him.  When I am out in public, I feel invisible.  No one ever looks my way.  Never.  I think it's, because I am so fair they don't even see me.  I blend in with the pavement except for my makeup.


----------



## honeyjr (Oct 11, 2007)

I have no clue what you're talking about. You're a doll!


----------



## wolfsong (Oct 12, 2007)

Your fair skin is beautiful - maybe you just dont see people looking at you. Its hard to take compliments when you dont believe them yourself.


----------



## Kaylin_Marie (Oct 12, 2007)

You remind me of my aunt so much, a younger aunt that I have she's in her lower 30's.  I've always thought she was gorgeous and I think you are too!!  Myself having a medium skin tone and dark hair I seriously envy your creamy porcelain skintone, and light blonde hair...I have ALWAYS wanted your haircolor.  And I could never wear the makeup colors you can wear, and I wish I could.  And I must say that I adore your nose!!  Your whole facial structure reminds me of the royal looking women you see on like pendants and stuff...I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, but anyway.  I think you're very pretty!!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 12, 2007)

Kaylin - you look like a doll I had that was stolen from me when I was little.  It was called a Dawn Doll.  She was my 1st doll.  I had  her for my for my Birthday.  That same day, I went with my mother to the store.  I left my doll in the basket and turned around she was gone.  You know - I never forgot that.  I was really little - 4 - 5 years old.   To this day, I remember everything about her.  She had to be modeled after a girl like you.  She was the perfect doll to me.  I wanted to grow up and look just like her.


----------



## Shimmer (Oct 12, 2007)

It really may be worth talking with a counselor or therapist about the self esteem issue. Alternatively, you may consider finding something you can immerse yourself in, that you're really good at, that challenges you to get better, and work at it and be proud of it. For some women that's knitting, some women it's running, for me, it's rock climbing....for you it may be something else. Use that talent as fuel to say 'yes. *I* did *that*.'
Our looks, no matter what our ages, don't define who we are.  Our hair and makeup? It's just, ultimately, decoration. A person can be a beautiful doll like figurine with smooth skin and long lashes etc., but if that person doesn't love herself...or if that person is an ugly person to the people around her...then she's not a  person others are going to want to know. 
Beauty isn't defined by a genetically gifted exterior. It's defined by what's inside of us and how we use it.


----------



## Bonbonroz (Oct 12, 2007)

Honey you are positively beautiful!
Your skin is so fair and bright, and I love the color of your eyes; you look like a porcelain doll. And you really don't look 40.
Never let anybody tell you you are ugly. You are a very beautiful woman who "only" has to restore her self-image; I know it's much easier to say than to do. But keep confidence, you can be proud of you because posting your face was a great step!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 12, 2007)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Shimmer* 

 
_It really may be worth talking with a counselor or therapist about the self esteem issue. Alternatively, you may consider finding something you can immerse yourself in, that you're really good at, that challenges you to get better, and work at it and be proud of it. For some women that's knitting, some women it's running, for me, it's rock climbing....for you it may be something else. Use that talent as fuel to say 'yes. *I* did *that*.'
Our looks, no matter what our ages, don't define who we are.  Our hair and makeup? It's just, ultimately, decoration. A person can be a beautiful doll like figurine with smooth skin and long lashes etc., but if that person doesn't love herself...or if that person is an ugly person to the people around her...then she's not a  person others are going to want to know. 
Beauty isn't defined by a genetically gifted exterior. It's defined by what's inside of us and how we use it._

 
Oh, yes.  I have been working on it.  It's hard to unlearn what was beaten into your head from the time you started walking.  It's like trying to learn to walk all over again.  It's very hard.  Thank you for the reply.


----------



## thelove4tequila (Oct 12, 2007)

Is it weird that I love the shape of your nose? haha. I think Shimmer said that as well! Please keep posting your FOTDs!!!!

Edit: Seems like we all love your nose!!! You have a lovely face and its great you found courage to post!!!


----------



## Ms. Z (Oct 12, 2007)

I'm glad you had the courage to post. 

You are very attractive and yes your nose is exceptionally beautiful, people pay good $ to get a nose like that

BTW: I'm in my 40's.  I have never posted a photo of myself, but if I get a treatment for the burns on my face that works to remove or minimize them, I'll post a pic


----------



## Chic 2k6 (Oct 12, 2007)

you're really pretty! hope to see more FOTDs from you!


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 12, 2007)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *ZLoves2Shop* 

 
_I
BTW: I'm in my 40's.  I have never posted a photo of myself, but if I get a treatment for the burns on my face that works to remove or minimize them, I'll post a pic_

 

I am so glad to hear from someone who is also in their 40's. I do hope to see you too.  Thank you.


----------



## pichima (Oct 14, 2007)

listen, you are *so beautiful!!!!!*
just like a living doll, I would say!
thanx for sharing your pics with us, and please never feel ugly or weird again because that's just not fair to yourself, you're unique and I really wish I look that gorgeous when I'm 40 .


----------



## xmrsvindieselx (Oct 15, 2007)

I am shocked that you feel this way. The second i saw your picture i gasped.

you are absolutely stunning


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 15, 2007)

I really felt stupid for even posting.  I know it is true.  I have a serious self esteem issue like Shimmer said.  I know it.  I have known it.  The scars of childhood have almost destroyed me.  I know one of my siblings is caring similar feelings.  Its so difficult.  


Thank you for the reply.


----------



## ms.marymac (Oct 16, 2007)

Whoever said you look like a classic movie star was right...that's exactly what I thought of when I saw your picture.  Your lashes are to die for.  

I am not too far behind you in age.  One thing I think about every year is how much I've grown mentally and spiritually. So many things that used to bother me don't anymore.  You gain wisdom and almost a sense of peace. I had fun growing up but I don't want to go through that again, lol! 

As far as the bad things people said in the past go, ask yourself this: "Who made them the authority over who I am?".  I think it was Walt Whitman that said,   "Re-evaluate all you've been told-dismiss what insults your soul."


----------



## talk2mesun (Oct 16, 2007)

I'm 21 and wish I looked half as good as you, so...

CHEER UP <3


----------



## Mandypaul (Oct 16, 2007)

I am sorry that you feel this way about yourself, but i am being 100% honest when i say that you are very beautiful. I do understand how you feel though as i feel like that sometimes, as when i was younger i went through a really bad time without going into details, it was horrible, and i feel that going through what i did has aged me, thats why when i am posting a picture on here i dont really smile on them (i look grumpy lol) but when i smile i feel as though i look really bad and old, cause i have loads of lines around my eyes that i am so paranoid about, i just hate them :-(. and i can get really upset by it.

Anyway sorry for rambling on but what i try and do when i can is focus on the positives about myslef, though that can sometimes be hard it does help a lot  Like now i try and look at them lines and think i have not got them because of all the rubbish i went through but i have them because i am happy now and always laughing and smiling lol and thats why i have all them lines.


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 17, 2007)

Thank you so much for sharing and understanding.  It is so difficult.  I really appreciate your honesty and taking the time to post to me about your difficulties.  It does help to know that someone can relate in some way to me.  Thank you again.


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 17, 2007)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *talk2mesun* 

 
_I'm 21 and wish I looked half as good as you, so...

CHEER UP <3_

 
Now, I know this can't be true. LOL (shaking my head - No way) 

BTW- I love that pup .


----------



## xmrsvindieselx (Oct 17, 2007)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *SparklingWaves* 

 
_Now, I know this can't be true. LOL (shaking my head - No way) 

BTW- I love that pup ._

 
actually I'm 18. and I'd LOVE  to look as beautiful as you doll


----------



## happy*phantom (Oct 19, 2007)

Accept that you're an unique, intelligent and beautiful person! That's my only advice for you.


----------



## SparklingWaves (Oct 19, 2007)

Thank you - that's beautiful.


----------



## ~Valerie~ (Oct 20, 2007)

This thread has really moved me.  I'm 21 and I have severe self-esteem issues, too.  I don't think I'll ever get over it. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




I know that as someone with self-esteem issues, you have to constantly fight the urge to assume that the people complimenting you are just being kind, but to be honest I wouldn't add in this last part if I didn't have anything truthful to say: When I saw the 2 pictures you posted, especially the 2nd, I was floored by how beautiful you are.  You have features I would kill for.  Maybe if I age as well as you do, I'll grow some self-esteem someday, heh.


----------



## labellavita7 (Oct 20, 2007)

I think you are beautiful, you don't have to be a teenager to be pretty!  I think you have a really cute nose actually haha

It may be hard with PTSD to view yourself a certain way, but trust me, all these women think you are beautiful, you need to see it in yourself too!


----------



## Fairybelle (Oct 20, 2007)

I just saw your pic...you are GORGEOUS!!!  You look like Marilyn Monroe!


----------



## coachkitten (Oct 21, 2007)

Wow!  You are gorgeous!


----------



## Kuuipo (Oct 22, 2007)

You look like a movie star. You should ditch the cat icon and put your pic in as an avatar,because you have perfect symmetry facially, and that is not all that common. Keep up the therapy,you are too valuable below the skin surface to suffer such doubt.


----------



## Mo6ius (Oct 23, 2007)

Wow, you look very pretty. Such nice features. Love the hair, the eyes, the nose... You reminded me of some actress (I don't remember her name though).

Wish you all the best things.


----------



## Miss_M (Oct 23, 2007)

I think you are beautiful and much younger looking. In your first picture that is taken from the side you remind me of model Sophie Dahl, who has the same blond hairdo and classic features. 

I also think you are very brave to post your picture here on the board, since I know what you're going through. I had severe self-esteem issues myself for many years. I was bullied and terrorised for years because I was overweight, wore glasses and braces. Boys said I looked better with a bag over my head and even my own grandmother made contant comments about my weight. I felt invisible and not worthy living for years. I hardly have any pictures of the last 20 years (I'm still not comfortable about my picture being taken) and didn't have my first boyfriend until 27 because I thought I was too ugly to be photographed or date. 

It took me years to heal the scars and I still have moments of insecurity, just like any other human being, but now at almost 35 I can honestly say that I feel pretty okay about myself and that I'm worthy as a person


----------



## foxyqt (Oct 23, 2007)

i think you're lovely! you have such gorgeous eyes =)


----------



## CamieGogo (Oct 24, 2007)

Aww no! you are pretty! Like a classic tv movie star =]


----------

