# i have sex with my car.. what on earth?!



## as_cute_as_pie (May 25, 2008)

this is THE strangest thing i have ever read lol

_I have sex with my car!
Monday 19 May 2008
Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive. 

The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle – and has been having sex with it for four years.

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

“I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship. 

Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things. 

“I’m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I’ve found a nice girl.”

Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.

He says: “I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad’s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn’t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.” 

After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his £750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle. 

Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.”

It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual.

“I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,” he says. “I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting. 

“After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.”
Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.

“I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan’s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her. 

Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

“I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner – though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet.

Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.” 

 By Lisa Woollard

 See Jordan in My Car Is My Lover – Strangelove, 10pm, 28 May on Five_


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## coachkitten (May 25, 2008)

There was a guy in WA state that admitted to having sex with over 7500 cars!  That is so gross!  Obviously he is not the best and brightest thing to come out of Washington state!


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## CantAffordMAC (May 25, 2008)

W o o o o o wwwwwwwww.

Are you KIDDING me?? This is the silliest thing I've ever read. I thought it was a joke. Wow. People are crazy lol.


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## nunu (May 25, 2008)

that's weird and gross...


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## frocher (May 25, 2008)

...


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## rbella (May 25, 2008)

What a freak.  And I thought my obsession with makeup was weird.  At least I don't have sex with it or have sexual feelings toward it.


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## iluffyew769769 (May 25, 2008)

That's really sick.


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## M.A.C. head. (May 25, 2008)

Yeah, it's weird alright, but you know what? It's "better" than necrophilia [having sex with dead bodies], pedophilia [having sex with babies and children], and zoophilia [having sex with animals]. 

The car isn't feeling or losing anything, so if  he's going to be weird I'd prefer that he screw his cars LOL


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## persephonewillo (May 25, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *M.A.C. head.* 

 
_Yeah, it's weird alright, but you know what? It's "better" than necrophilia [having sex with dead bodies], pedophilia [having sex with babies and children], and zoophilia [having sex with animals]. 

The car isn't feeling or losing anything, so if  he's going to be weird I'd prefer that he screw his cars LOL_

 
ditto!  at least the cars won't need years and years of therapy because of his, ahem, special polishing habits.


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## MAC_Whore (May 25, 2008)

I will never look at rental cars the same way again.  Who knows where they have been?


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## xsnowwhite (May 25, 2008)

ew. that really grosses me out.
lol, mac_whore, i completely agree.


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## iheartcolor (May 25, 2008)

I guess it could be worse....way, way worse.

-Lauren


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## MACATTAK (May 25, 2008)

Yikes!  There's so many weird things out there.  I remember a few years ago on MTV, a bunch of people dressed up in animal costumes and were sexually aroused by that.  They even had conventions for this.


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## purrtykitty (May 25, 2008)

Dude needs to get a serious relationship...with a THERAPIST!!


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## MAC_Whore (May 25, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MACATTAK* 

 
_Yikes!  There's so many weird things out there.  I remember a few years ago on MTV, a bunch of people dressed up in animal costumes and were sexually aroused by that.  They even had conventions for this.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	





_

 
OMG!  I totally remember that program.  DH and I saw that and we were like wtf?  What were they called? Fuzzies or furries?  Fluffies?  I can't remember.  

They just seemed like a bunch of people who were scared of sexuality, so they hid in costumes.  

Chances are, anything out there, you name it, someone somewhere is aroused by it.  It's pretty creepy if you think about it.  Never mind, don't think about it.  You will never want to leave the house again lol  (at least not without a lot of hand sanitizer).


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## TDoll (May 25, 2008)

Was it absolutely vital for him to share that information with the world?
wtf?


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## luckyme (May 25, 2008)

Eww, just Eww. Hope the car doesnt backfire.


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## Brittni (May 25, 2008)

....Not just eww, but OUCH?


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## blindpassion (May 25, 2008)

LOL... wow.
Whatever floats your boat I guess
but WOW
I kind of wish he hadn't shared his story.


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## Edie (May 26, 2008)

Haha...when this email circled around work, we all spent the next 10 minutes going through the "What If's"?

My favourite: "What if the car fell pregnant, could he look after a mini- VW"?....hahaha....so lame but made me cry out in laughter.


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## user79 (May 26, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MAC_Whore* 

 
_I will never look at rental cars the same way again.  Who knows where they have been? 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			



_

 
Yeah, who knows, those cars are probably all loose sluts who have been around the block a few times. (pun intended)


Har har.


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## dollypink (May 26, 2008)

that is just wrong-diddly-wrong.


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## lizardprincesa (May 26, 2008)

*At *least* he is having 'safe sex'.....using a condom. OMGoddess!

Men & their cars. But this guy's taken it a bit farther than most, I think.

Yes, a world full of people with weird obsessions. Isn't it a fascinating & wonderful world? (I am personally grossed out, for the record; however, as long as he isn't hurting anyone, may he enjoy! Who am I to judge?) LOLOL!

eek! Who did a song once, 
"I'm In Love With My Car" ?? I don't know it...only the title.

*


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## lizardprincesa (May 26, 2008)

*eek! My own joke's on me! Yes, I might be obsessed with Mr. Mercury, but I was ~not,~ in the 70's (more recent obsession.....& when I say *obsession," I mean like with all his Music & his Messages, & his Beauty....)

But I've never heard this song. 

     I am *certain* nobody singing or playing this song did things like that guy in the article, tho. 

YouTube - Queen - I'm In Love With My Car (Hollywood Records Remix)*

_*I mean no offense to Freddie, nor to any members of Queen. I hope (think) they'd laugh. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 xx*_


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## xiahe (May 26, 2008)

WEIRD! 
I LOOOOVE cars, especially american muscle cars, so every time I see a really nice one I always *jokingly* say "omg, I'd so have sex with it" but of course I wouldn't ACTUALLY have sex with it...lol.

some people are just so weird


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## pratbc (May 26, 2008)

WOW, reading that article made me feel like I had entered Bizarro-World!  I've heard some pretty strange fetishes before, but this one is a first for me.  Like other posters said, it could be worse and at least he's not hurting any people/animals/bodies etc.  
To each his own, I guess.


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## glam8babe (May 26, 2008)

LMAO what a freak


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## Nadeshda (May 26, 2008)

This reminds me that, about a year ago, I was online looking for information on some shoes. Well, I ran into a forum that was about shoes... but not quite what I was looking for. It was for people who got off of walking around on mud and dirt with gorgeus shoes and looking at the shoes all dirty... and men who actually had sex with shoes, they "penetrated" sandal's straps and rubbed their penis in the sandal until they orgasmed. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 It was like a car crash, I was so disturbed, but couldn't stop watching! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 And what's worse, one of those guys "had sex" with his sister-in-law's shoes while he was looking after his brother's house!


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## Paramnesia (May 26, 2008)

Oh wow, I sure got a good giggle out of that.


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## Divinity (May 26, 2008)

Aw who cares, other than to get a good giggle, esp. with so many worse things in the world?  Whatever floats your boat.


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## kimmy (May 26, 2008)

lol...wut?


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## Willa (May 26, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *iheartcolor* 

 
_I guess it could be worse....way, way worse.

-Lauren_

 
I agree on that

o_0

But damn... 
Why on earth, a CAR?
Its metal and cold stuff!!!


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## xxManBeaterxx (May 27, 2008)

LOL what the hell, so many weirdos now days you never know whose your next door neighbor..

Isnt an exahust pipe too ahem "wide" for a wee wee?? That thing is like 3 inches across... GAHH thats so sick!!!


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## as_cute_as_pie (May 27, 2008)

tbh ive never felt a exhaust pipe lol but wont be kinda sharp? it is metal after all :|


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## makeupsquare (May 27, 2008)

Speechless!!


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## xoxprincessx0x (May 27, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Nadeshda* 

 
_This reminds me that, about a year ago, I was online looking for information on some shoes. Well, I ran into a forum that was about shoes... but not quite what I was looking for. It was for people who got off of walking around on mud and dirt with gorgeus shoes and looking at the shoes all dirty... and men who actually had sex with shoes, they "penetrated" sandal's straps and rubbed their penis in the sandal until they orgasmed. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 It was like a car crash, I was so disturbed, but couldn't stop watching! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 And what's worse, one of those guys "had sex" with his sister-in-law's shoes while he was looking after his brother's house! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 

lmaooo o god there are ppl out there who have sexual fetishes about practically EVERYTHINGG!! nothing surprises me anymore


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## n_c (May 27, 2008)

Weirdo


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## kittycatliss (May 27, 2008)

OMG is that serious?
Thats gross


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## MAC_Whore (May 27, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *xxManBeaterxx* 

 
_LOL what the hell, so many weirdos now days you never know whose your next door neighbor..

Isnt an exahust pipe too ahem "wide" for a wee wee?? That thing is like 3 inches across... GAHH thats so sick!!!_

 
Ya know, I was wondering the same thing.  Lol....we are wasting brain cells on the logistics of having sex with a tailpipe.

Do you think the high price of gas/petrol has caused a strain in their relationship?


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## NutMeg (May 28, 2008)

Hey lizardprincessa this is a little off topic, but I'm In Love With My Car was written by Roger Taylor, not Freddie Mercury. And yes, knowing that makes me sick. I also know what album it was released on (without checking) and all the words.


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## MAC_Pixie04 (May 28, 2008)

Now now people, let's not pass judgement.

At least he's not out there trying to have sex with animals, or old people, or small children or digging up dead people and trying to hump them.

It's HIS car, it's not like he's poking his willy in YOUR exhaust pipe.  It's a bit disturbing, but there are a lot of fetishes out there (some of you probably even have them yourselves) that people see as "normal."  He thinks it's normal for him to be attracted to his car, then go right ahead buddy.  Bang the hell out of your own car, just keep your "exhausted" pecker away from me and mine.

Live and let live lol


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## lizardprincesa (May 28, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *xxManBeaterxx* 

 
_...
Isnt an exahust pipe too ahem "wide" for a wee wee?? That thing is like 3 inches across... GAHH thats so sick!!!_

 
*Might it be...the other way around? 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





Oh, man, Today, when I went to pick up my cat from the vet, seeing cars gave me gross thoughts. My innocence is gone lol ! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


*


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## lizardprincesa (May 28, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *NutMeg* 

 
_Hey lizardprincessa this is a little off topic, but I'm In Love With My Car was written by Roger Taylor, not Freddie Mercury. And yes, knowing that makes me sick. I also know what album it was released on (without checking) and all the words. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 
*Oh, Dear NutMeg, can you hear my *Huge* ~sigh~ of relief?! Aaaahhhh....Thank you so much for relieving the heavy burden which I had put upon my Heart, for having posted that below.*
*(Even tho I would never have imagined Freddie, nor other Queen members, would have stuck it in the car, I felt guilty after posting.
 I felt guilty for 2 full Days! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


*
*(I didn't have time to look who penned/composed the song.)

**Perhaps it is obvious I am in love with Freddie, although Queen would not have been Queen without the amazing talents of the other 3 members.*
*Yes, this *is* OT. sorry folks!

**What makes you sick? Not that Roger Taylor wrote it? 
The act described in the article, you do mean? 
Must be why Freddie is hardly shown at all (except at the piano, in tight red (leatherette) pants? 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 uuuuummm*


*You know all the words! Damned cool, you are, Miss NutMeg! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



 So you are another Queen fan? (jumping up & down at the very thought 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


*

*I cannot get this story out of my head. I keep looking at men & their cars & wondering... Some cars are old & knackered....like rustbuckets. I would hope a fetish car-gigolo would wear 2 or maybe 3 condoms for a yuchy car.*

*eek! LOL xxx*​


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## lizardprincesa (May 28, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MAC_Whore* 

 
_Ya know, I was wondering the same thing.  Lol....we are wasting brain cells on the logistics of having sex with a tailpipe._

 
*I suppose it relieves us from dwelling on all the negativity in the world for a few moments? 
Still, yes, brain cells.....they do regenerate, don't they?? eek! 
*
 Quote:

  Do you think the high price of gas/petrol has caused a strain in their relationship?  
 
  Quote:






 
_*Perhaps he could imbibe something to make the car more 'green'.*_


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## babiid0llox (Jun 3, 2008)

Bahahah I had to stop myself from literally laughing out loud cuz I'm supposed to be doing an assignment. That is the funniest thing ever...especially when he's talking about his relationship 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




with them


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## val-x (Jun 3, 2008)

yucky yucky


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## benzito_714 (Jun 3, 2008)

hey i've seen some sexy cars
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 i have my eye on this old mustang up the street from me. lol. but like others have said it could be worse and i am glad it is not!


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## susannef (Jun 5, 2008)

Well at least he is not hurting anybody i guess..


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## Babyloo (Jun 5, 2008)

_ Quote:

 Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things.  
 
I read this and thought - what a cool guy his dad is!!! I'm all for acceptance of everyone even if they have 'abnormal' (whatever that is) fetishes.
In the immortal words of the great Frank Zappa - "Whatever you can do to have a good time, as long as it doesn't cause a murder"
He's not hurting anyone, he's just gettin' his rocks off, fair play to him!!_


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## toby_is_cute (Jun 5, 2008)

Why am I not surprised this guy has never kissed a girl?


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## mtrimier (Jun 6, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *luckyme* 

 
_Eww, just Eww. Hope the car doesnt backfire._

 
That right there made me spit out my drink.


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## MAC_Whore (Jun 14, 2008)

A lot of us have been saying, "It could be worse."  Here you go, take a look at some "worse"  lol

Armpit sniffer gets jail and cane - Criminal weirdness - MSNBC.com


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## BAMBOOLINA (Jun 19, 2008)

WTF? I understand peope has fetish things, but this is just out of this world...


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## cupcake_x (Jun 26, 2008)

Wow.. Now I think we've heard everything


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## Penn (Jun 26, 2008)

I thought this was weird and kinda funny
I wanna show this to all my guy friends haha because whenever they see a hot car they're always joking about how it gave them a boner and this is just taking it to another level lol


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## Penn (Jun 26, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MAC_Whore* 

 
_A lot of us have been saying, "It could be worse."  Here you go, take a look at some "worse"  lol

Armpit sniffer gets jail and cane - Criminal weirdness - MSNBC.com_

 
I never knew that people with armpit fetishes actually exsisted haha


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## V15U4L_3RR0R (Jun 26, 2008)

*shrugs* Whatever tickles his pickle. I don't find it to be gross or weird though.


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