# An Asian Girl with unrealistic beauty standards :(



## luvsic (Feb 23, 2009)

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## kaexbabey (Feb 23, 2009)

throughout your whole post, and your post title actually, it says UNREALISTIC. it just makes me wonder, why do you keep wishing for something if it's UNREALISTIC? 

is there a certain incident in your life that made you become so self conscious? 

it's sad that you put yourself down so much. i think if you were to stop obsessing over this so much, you'd be happy on the inside, which would make you think of yourself better on the outside.

if you really won't get surgery, i guess all you can do to "emphasize yourself" is deal with makeup. if you really want the "western look" why not try fake tanning or eyelid glue or tape to make your eyes appear bigger? and contouring for your nose.


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## luvsic (Feb 23, 2009)

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## mello (Feb 23, 2009)

I'm Portuguese, so I have medium olive skin and kind of exotic looking features, I guess. I hate my prominent nose, my round face and weird pigmentation on my eyelids (easily corrected with makeup but still, it's annoying), AND I HATE PHOTOS TOO. If I'm ever taking pictures of myself, I literally will take a hundred and only end up keeping 3, if I'm lucky. But I'd honestly like to say that you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel the EXACT same way you do, 90% of the time. Especially the part where you compare yourself to photos of girls on facebook..
I think everyone does it from time to time, and it's nice to know that you're not alone. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and most of the time it's people that radiate confidence that are seen as gorgeous by the people around them. 

I work at a makeup counter, and I serve many people a day, from many different nationalities, and I have truly come to appreciate the unique beauty each one has.
I love Asian girls, seriously. Gorgeous skin, they age really well, FABULOUS high cheekbones. Asian women always seem to have the natural beauty that a lot of other women strive for. 
I'm sure there's a lot of parts of you that you love, so focus on those. I know sometimes it's really hard, but you gotta learn to love yourself and the body you were given. It's the only one you got!
Do things you love doing, like getting a facial, working out, or getting your nails done on a regular basis to pamper yourself. You'll feel great afterwards and it'll give you somewhat of a confidence boost. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			




I know I'm not much help, but I just wanted you to know that you're honestly not alone in how you feel!


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## luvsic (Feb 23, 2009)

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## BloopBloop (Feb 23, 2009)

i think we've all had self-image issues in our lives. What you can do is check out images of asian beauties, and then maybe you'll get comfortable with your asian features. We are blessed with such distinct features that others dont, im surprised your friends arent jealous of you! 

people tell me everyday that i have beautiful skin. my mom just turned 55, and she looks 40. wrinkles to many of us arent much of a problem. asians have beautiful, mysterious eyes.  check these pretty ladies out:

I am Fashion: Asian Eye Make Up


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## anita22 (Feb 23, 2009)

I do understand where you're coming from. For me personally, I am half Chinese and half European (English descent). Growing up in New Zealand, where people were predominantly white Europeans (at least where I lived), I never fit into either category of what Asians or Europeans look like. I was made fun of at school for being one of the only Asians and always felt out of place, but then amongst Asians I would get stares or comments about my 'European' features. It took me a really long time to accept my 'Asianness', for want of a better word. Particularly living in a culture where much of what is pushed as being 'beautiful' seems to be (or at least felt like to me) blonde hair, blue eyes, etc.

I think now I have come to accept (for the most part at least) that the grass _is _always greener - people often mention that they envy my olive skin for example. And it might sound cliched, but beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder - what I might have thought of as 'blah', others see as exotic. So while I do not profess to be 100% comfortable with myself, I have definitely seen an improvement in how I feel about how I look over time. 

I can't really offer any advice, other than to think about what is realistic - you yourself have stated that your expectations for your looks are unlikely to be fulfilled by surgery, so focus instead on making the most of what you have and the parts of you that you like. For me, learning more about what clothes/makeup suit me (not in terms of what is fashionable, but in terms of what is flattering for me as an individual to bring out the features I like about myself) have gone a long way towards helping my confidence.


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## blazeno.8 (Feb 23, 2009)

You know... the interesting thing is I don't think very many people have hit on this thread or others like it in the same forum.  When you're in that forum enter "standard" into the search function and see what comes up.  There are several different threads related to the topic that you might find helpful (you might have to go back several pages through the search results).


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## caffn8me (Feb 23, 2009)

Forget "white beauty standards" - you can be truly gorgeous no matter what your colour (although I have to confess I have yet to see an attractive green person!).

I'm going to steal something and adapt it here;

*Beauty is for all races, all sexes, all ages*

Just because _you_ don't think you are beautiful doesn't mean that others don't think you are.

Learn to love yourself.  After all, you're stuck with you for life so you might as well get used to it.

You're far better off looking natural than looking as though you've had oodles of plastic surgery and fake.  White beauty standards?  Inspite of of oodles of plastic surgery, I think not.

Have you ever thought about Body dysmorphic disorder?  Go and read about it and come back and tell us what you think.


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## caffn8me (Feb 23, 2009)

Adding a little bit to what I wrote previously, I drove through Tooting in south west London this afternoon.  It's very diverse ethnically and has lots of shops catering for ethnic populations (Jamaican, Tamil, Pakistani, Polish, Indian, Somali and many others).

Traffic was slow and I found myself sitting opposite a health shop.  The very largest poster (by a long way) in their window was for a skin whitening product.  I found that _incredibly_ sad but it also made me angry inside 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




What is _wrong_ with having a darker skin tone?  Nothing,  Beauty hasn't got _anything_ to do with skin colour.


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## LoveMU (Feb 23, 2009)

You're definitely not alone.  I always think of ways to change myself, tanner skin, bigger lips, bigger boobs, sigh.  The list goes on and on.  I forget about that stuff most of the time and focus on myself as a beautiful woman.  I try to focus on my own features that I like, and I know that others find me attractive too, and I'm sure that lots of people find you attractive!

It's hard to live life hating the way you look.  I also used to obsess about my large, heart-shaped face, the fact that I'm short, etc.  I'm white but I don't look like a lot of white people, my features are a bit diff because I am eatern european.  It sounds hard to believe, but I also have struggled with my looks as being different from others.  

You know what tho, most guys tell me they love asian women, and I'm sure you don't realize how beautiful you are!


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## luvsic (Feb 24, 2009)

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## luvsic (Feb 24, 2009)

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## BloopBloop (Feb 24, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *caffn8me* 

 
_Adding a little bit to what I wrote previously, I drove through Tooting in south west London this afternoon.  It's very diverse ethnically and has lots of shops catering for ethnic populations (Jamaican, Tamil, Pakistani, Polish, Indian, Somali and many others).

Traffic was slow and I found myself sitting opposite a health shop.  The very largest poster (by a long way) in their window was for a skin whitening product.  I found that incredibly sad but it also made me angry inside 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




What is wrong with having a darker skin tone?  Nothing,  Beauty hasn't got anything to do with skin colour._

 
urgh, in the philippines "white is beautiful" and there are alot of skincare companies that make money on this by selling "skin whitening" products. growing up, i was one of those that were brainwashed into not feeling good about being tan because all the "pretty" actresses were either very light skinned. nowadays, i embrace my tan skin and love it.


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## kaexbabey (Feb 24, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *BloopBloop* 

 
_urgh, in the philippines "white is beautiful" and there are alot of skincare companies that make money on this by selling "skin whitening" products. growing up, i was one of those that were brainwashed into not feeling good about being tan because all the "pretty" actresses were either very light skinned. nowadays, i embrace my tan skin and love it._

 
i used to feel the same way. i used all the papaya soaps and lotions. some worked for a bit. then i gave up cuz one of them gave me a really bad rash. now i'm naturally lighter, (i guess it was bound to happen, my mom is PALE with a capital P lol) but i kind of wanna tan now. i guess color doesn't matter, as long as it's smooth


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## sn0wbunnie (Feb 24, 2009)

As a Caucasian living in a city populated heavily by Asians, I have to tell you that most of the other "white" girls here wish they looked as amazing as the Asian women.  And it's not just the flawless skin, the deep eyes, or the incredible hair that we covet, it's also the body type.

We live in a very superficial society with unrealistic beauty standards for everyone.  It's scary to me to see pre teen girls in the mall with their mothers, carrying Gucci and LV bags, and wearing a full face of makeup and heavily fake-n-baked!  There are so many types of beauty in the world, and I don't feel that the media portrays enough diversity in it's representation of such.  The way you feel is universal, and awful.

No one should be made to feel that they are less than another because of their features, you should be celebrating the things that make you unique instead.

xoxo
S.


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## LoveMU (Feb 24, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *luvsic* 

 
_Hey girl,

Thanks a lot for your response, I really appreciated this (as did I appreciate everyone elses), but something about your post caught my eye. It's about the BDD. I have looked into having BDD but every single one of my therapists I have told have dismissed me as not having the disorder. I definitely have image problems, but not BDD. 

Just to explain a little of my logic, I would never, everrrr want to end up looking like that  of course I still see your point, if I get obsessed with "tweaking" one minor thing about myself, I'll just want to tweak more, and more, and I'll end up looking disasterous if I don't have the emotional and mental stability/realistic expectations people need when undergoing plastic surgery. 

I just have this question: Is it possible to just not like one part of yourself, but get over it and move on with your life? For example, I REALLY hate my nose and my eyes. I especially hate the way they photograph, because whenever they do my eyes look incredibly squinty and my nose just gargantuan....(ugh, I hate my nose so much, I look hideous when it comes out in pictures) But, do you think it is a good idea to accept the fact that I don't like these features (as opposed to resorting to surgery) and just surpressing the mental urge to go under the knife after I see a bad pic? I feel like I can never love the features I hate most, it just seems so impossible I can ever LOVE the features I mentioned. But is it ok to have acceptance but not love, just to get through the day? I feel like if I *JUST* tweaked my nose a little i'd be that much closer to perfect. If I just made my eyelids a little bigger, it'd make all the difference in the world. 

Kind of get my point..?_

 

I think it is possible for someone to not like one part of themself and get over it.  For the most part, I've learned to like the way I look and appreciate my good features, but there are certain things I will never appreciate. For example, it's hard for me to say this because it somewhat still hurts me that I have this problem, I am really hairy.  I became really hairy (black hair) when i was in 4th grade and it's only gotten worse since then.  It used to really hurt me so much, when I was little people made fun of me, even my family members because I am the hairiest girl!  I eventually just learned to accept it and move on.  I'm hairy, it's just who I am.  Sometimes I even make jokes about it.  Once someone at work made a comment to me about me being a "hairy lady" LOL and thank god I have learned to accept it because in the past I would have been mortified!

I don't dwell on being hairy because I've accpeted it and I'm not gunna let it ruin me.  I have other good features that people compliment me on, so I will live with the hair.  

Also, even tho you may not like your nose or eyes, other people may really appreciate it and see it as beautiful, without you even knowing it (most people don't compliment others on particular features).  Over time, you will prob accept them and maybe even love them!


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## Beauty Mark (Feb 24, 2009)

After reading your last post, if it's about you accepting that you're Chinese and being okay with it- your "Chinese" aspects can be as much or as little of you as you like... You are an individual. I don't think you should openly reject your Chinese heritage, particularly if that's how you were raised. However, there is more to you than being Chinese.


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## Lissa (Feb 24, 2009)

I think a lot of people often want what they don't have, and we all have different standards of beauty. I am super pale, my hair is curly and thin and its natural colour can only be described as mousy - a non-colour, if you like - I don't like my teeth, chin, lips could be bigger, eyes could be bigger, forehead smaller etc. It does bother me at times. Here the beauty standard is tanned skin, either more exotic features with dark hair or your standard beach bunny look with blonde hair. I can't tell you how many nights I have suffered applying layers of fake tan, sleeping in the disgusting sticky stuff hoping to achieve a natural look. But never getting it. I will never have beautiful dark skin (unless I bake myself until one day I look like a piece of leather and ruin my skin with wrinkles), thick straight hair (without extensions, that I can't afford anyway), and a completely different face unless I am prepared to risk going under the knife, and I just don't want to take things that far. 

So over time I have learnt to accept things are the way they are, and to remember how important it is to be an individual, to not look like anyone else. More than anything I just want to be happy. When I am 80 I will not look back at my life, and regret the fact that I did not have a smaller forehead. I will regret instead that I spent so much of my youth being bothered about something that I cannot change, and letting it hold me back. That would be a tragedy. And life really is much too short. 

I really hope you are able to overcome your problems with yourself and learn to love yourself as you are!  Would you pick on someone else and call them ugly because their eyes are 'too small' or their nose 'too big'. They wouldn't deserve that, so why do you deserve that? You are probably a good, kind person. Don't hate yourself!


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## LoveMU (Feb 24, 2009)

^^ You're right on so many levels and u articulate it so well!


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## TrueRiot (Feb 25, 2009)

Wow. This is so crazy. Men around here LOVE Asian women. 

I'm African-American, so yes, completely opposite of the American beauty standard. I have brown skin, a non-European nose, high forehead, high cheekbones, kinky hair, and "cat-eyes". I also live in the south so I'm surrounded by the blonde-haired, blue-eyed southern belles, and you know what? I feel like I'm just as beautiful as any of those girls.

The beauty of "ethnic" women is unique because it's underrepresented. We're exotic, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you feel beautiful and present yourself with confidence, others will pick up on that. If a girl like me, who is this far from the white beauty standard, can think I'm a 10, and be treated like one, so can you! 

Take pride in the fact that you don't fit into the "norm." The problem is that so many people want to be the norm that they all end up looking the same. I LOVE standing out--I turn heads wherever I go. If you feel like how you look defines your happiness in life, there's something going on internally that needs to be fixed. Don't let the media steal what is truly yours, a beauty that so many women would kill to have. Asian women are GORGEOUS and highly desirable. All it takes is for you to love yourself, work with what you have, enhance your beauty, hold your head up high, and strut like you're the hottest girl around. 

Please keep us updated...


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## luvsic (Feb 26, 2009)

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## sweetonmakeups (Feb 26, 2009)

hmmm, i'm Chinese and my feature isn't the best BUT i love them.  My eye is one side with double eyelid and one side without, i like that it is different and unique.  My nose is small and most sunglasses don't fit my nose. I love how cute and adorable my nose is even it isn't tall.  I like my lip it is super chubby and i'm overbit and i think my overbit make me cute.  My skin is super white and to me i think they are great.  Also my hip is wide, it isn't small like most model but i like how it filled out my dress like i have a curve.  I have two kids and left me tons of stretchmark but it don't bother me a bit.  OHH i also forgot, i have big calves LOL  I can't say i love it but hey what can i do about it.  Fact is I make the best out of my feature good or bad.  Why compare, learn to love them.


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## sweetonmakeups (Feb 26, 2009)

hmmm, i'm Chinese and my feature isn't the best BUT i love them.  My eye is one side with double eyelid and one side without, i like that it is different and unique.  My nose is small and most sunglasses don't fit my nose. I love how cute and adorable my nose is even it isn't tall.  I like my lip it is super chubby and i'm overbit and i think my overbit make me cute.  My skin is super white and to me i think they are great.  Also my hip is wide, it isn't small like most model but i like how it filled out my dress like i have a curve.  I have two kids and left me tons of stretchmark but it don't bother me a bit.  OHH i also forgot, i have big calves LOL  I can't say i love it but hey what can i do about it.  Fact is I make the best out of my feature good or bad.  Why compare, learn to love them.


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## Rudyru (Feb 26, 2009)

Oooh, girl, you may be my twin...I feel the exact same way. I hate the fact that I look "Asian." I hate being tan, I hate my slanted eyes, I hate my pudgy upturned nose, the jet black flat hair...everything. I covet caucasians because they can wear colours I will never be able to wear and the fact that their gene pool is so varied. They have the higher ability to produce children with striking blue eyes yet with onyx coloured hair....while we sit here...with the same tired old gene pool: black hair x brown eyes, brown hair x brown eyes, black hair x black eyes, brown hair x black eyes...not too exciting. No wonder why everyone thinks we look the same, our genetic compositions aren't as expansive as any other (and I hate to use this term, because we are all just one race: Human) race. Sure, once in a while, you'll find someone who transcends this genetic barrier, and they are the ones who'll be propelled to stardom because of it. 

Like you, I hold myself to the western standards of beauty, and I feel that I can never be beautiful or gorgeous enough to ever fit my sense of aesthetic. Even applying makeup is a chore because there are looks that I'll never be able to create because of the way my eyes are shaped. 

I have contemplated getting plastic surgery to remedy all of this, but when I think deeper about it, I get scared because I know I won't be able to stop. I will always find someway to degrade myself, to make myself feel insignificant. 

You know what the funny thing is? I'm constantly told I'm gorgeous, that I should become a model, that they wished they had my features...but even that doesn't cut it, because it is I who wants their features. I want to look like them, because for me...I would give everything I own to look like them. I don't want to have exotic beauty, I want to have their beauty, NORMAL beauty. I can hide from the sun, I can contour differently, I can be thinner than a toothpick, but it will never change the fact that I'm Asian.

And to expand further from even internalised racism, I hate my weight. To many, I am considered skinny (even too thin), but to me, I can never be as thin as I want to be, because my ideal proportions would equal the death of me. I want a thirteen inch waist, I want my thighs as thick as my wrist, I want my hip bones protruding out of my skin...UGH. I'm so fucked up...

Sorry if you feel like I'm trying to one up you, but really, you're me. Everything you've listed applies to me including the ones I've just posted...and I can relate like no other, and it's hurting me just as it's probably hurting you.

edit: I'd just like to add for the sake of my conscience that I'm not saying all Asian women are ugly or do not fit my ideals of beauty. I think they can be just as beautiful as any other woman. But to me, THEY can pull it off, THEY can be themselves and still be gorgeous. I, on the other hand, feel that I cannot be as gorgeous as they are because my features do not fit me, nor fit who I am...if that makes any sense at all.


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## Shadowy Lady (Feb 26, 2009)

ok, so many have said this before me, but I'll say it again. Not everyone looks like a barbie doll or whatever the current western society (by that I mean mostly media) thinks is the ideal woman form. So try to focus on the positive of what you have. You are wasting your youth, when you have the best health, skin, brain power, obsessing over something that's not even true. Ppl's ideas of beauty vary from person to person. If you keep chasing what you don't have, one day you're old and you will wonder why you wasted all these years. 

Plz start to see all the positives about your features. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? When I was in my teens, I was annoyed at how tall I was (I'm 5'7") and so I was taller than a lot of boys even...but over time I got to appreciate my height and right now I actually love it. So at the end, you cannot have all that you think is ideal, and why you spend time obssessing about it, you'll miss out on so many opportunities (like say ppl that find you attractive).

Hope my rambling helped


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## reesesilverstar (Feb 26, 2009)

I'm not going to bother reading everybody elses posts, because I'm sure it's going to be encouraging and telling you to embrace your own beauty etc...

As unfortunate as your story reads, to me, it sounds like you don't need beauty advice, you need professional help. You do realize and acknowledge that your expectations are unrealistic, yet you still hold on to it... Before it goes any further, I say talk to a mental health expert. It's nothing to be ashamed of and you'd be surprised what you may discover that could help you along the way. Just try it...

And good luck.


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## nichollecaren (Mar 1, 2009)

If you are willing to try something difficult that might help...you can do what I did.

Put yourself out there. Take pics, even though you hate doing it. Find yourself in a job that rmakes you visible, and make it HAPPEN for you. Interract with others, and soon you will realize people accept you, and begin to do the same.

I am half asian half black. Pre my 20s I never thought of myself as 'pretty' I had bad skin, I was extremely skinny, and I was so shy and introverted, I wouldnt talk to anybody. One day, I decided I had had enough. I applied and auditioned for a job that required me to host a TV show. I barely got the job (barely). For weeks i stressed out about my first show, and how I would do and how I would look and what I would wear...and the first show was...horrible...the next even less horrible....and eventually, it became easier. I became less focused on how i looked, and more on how smart Ican be, how much of an intellectual I am, and how well I had learnt to speak. I came home and did my makeup and took HUNDREDS of pics of myself, til I found the right angles, the right pose, and the right smile...Eventually, I felt more confident, and my looks improved. 

I'm not dishing you BS, people have told me...since that job, I am literally better looking. Why? Confidence improves your looks dramatically! The topper came after I accepted Christ and became a christian, but that part is definately up to you and your personal belief system.

Based on my own experience, I do believe the root of your dissatisfaction with your looks is your dissatisfaction. It is a hard cycle to break, but you can, and if u have difficulty doing it alone, ask a trusted friend to help you.


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## chocolategoddes (Mar 1, 2009)

I know you've said that you hate pictures of yourself and don't currently have a camera (i think), but now I'm curious to see what you look like.
 I bet you're a lot prettier than you think.


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## obentick (Mar 2, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *luvsic* 

 
_Hey again all,

I know I've been posting like crazy right now (few posts have to do with MAC stuff :/), and I apologize..but I feel like I just need to vent out my frustration...

I have had image problems since I was maybe 14 years old. In that, I think my strive for physical perfection has driven me insane. I don't only compare myself to airbrushed models, I also compare myself to beautiful girls who I see every day, whether they are friends of friends, random facebook pictures of people, whatever. They "meet", to me, the ideal if what girls should look like with their perfect selves and how they perfectly fit in to the beauty standards I see as "most" beautiful. Most of these girls are Caucasian. It sounds silly, right? But in my head, I have this image of what I would look like if I were *perfect*, and because I am so far away from that image I break down all the time. 

I have set unrealistic beauty standards for myself. As an Asian girl, I have a tendency to hold myself up to white beauty standards...I have been reading the post "URGENT...I need to pass this message on!" and it has offered me a little insight and comfort on issues like these, but for some reason, I feel like I can never feel happy or comfortable in the skin I'm in. It's a little strange how I feel, I still find exotic beauty beautiful, but only if it still conforms to a more "western" standard. 

I am disgusted when I look at myself in the mirror - to me I just see small, squinty eyes, a huge nose, a mouth that's way too small for my features and ugly hair. I have such a twisted mentality that "if your nose was slimmer and your eyes a little bigger, you'd look GREAT" but my nose is not slimmer and my eyes are not bigger...and I hate myself for it. 

I have researched rhinoplasty and eyelid surgery for years but have not found a doctor who can meet my needs to craft my vision of the perfect me - because the perfect me isn't just shaving down a hump on my nose, it's reshaping it entirely. And it's just too big of a risk to go to anyone who cannot give me the results I want exactly. But then again, I have unrealistic expectations...nobody could ever give me the results I wanted exactly, to be honest. 

Sometimes I am perfectly rational. I tell myself that beauty is only skin deep, and I should work on my personality and inner self. But every time I'm haunted by a bad picture I fall into this deep paranoia or depression and slump back to my old self again. 

I was just wondering if any of you ladies had any advice, or similar experiences, on how to accept and love yourself the way you are, and EMBRACE the way you look as a woman of color. Because for me, I feel like I'm still so far away from loving myself because I'll never look like a white girl, or anything close to that.

Oh, and I feel like a WHACKO for sharing this, but I HAAAAATE taking pictures of myself, or when other people take pictures of me, for that matter. They always turn out disgusting looking, I always hate my awkward smile, and the way I look like 99.9% of the time. I wish I could delete every single picture taken of me. I duck away from cameras because I just don't want my picture taken in any place and time. It's sad, I won't have many picture memories when I grow up..but as of now I can't stand seeing my face._

 
When certain females grow up they always have that look that they want to achieve and I dont blame you. You need to walk with a confidence and when you look at yourself in the mirror everymonring just tell yourself that you are beautiful and every individual is beautiful in their way. 
Also if that is you in the pic,I dont see why you compaining, and if its not you are still beautifull.  Take a camera and just for fun take pictures of yourslf ( I used to do that too) and look at those pictures and say see I am a beautifull person. 
And you are,


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## X4biddenxLustX (Mar 2, 2009)

I know how you feel on this. I use to always stare in the mirror when I was younger examining everything about me. I came to the conclusion that I had big fat cheeks, a big bulbous tipped nose, and I was hairy. I was SOOOOO jealous of all the Caucasian girls that were considered gorgeous. The stupid reason was that all the boys liked them and they got all the attention. I just felt left out and sort of like the outsider. I eventually thought that maybe if I wasn't Chinese I wouldn't have the features that I didn't like about myself and that if I was Caucasian everything would be much better for me. Back then I had no clue whatsoever on how to take care of myself physically and emotionally. My makeup and beauty skills were horrible. I won't I kind of ended up using makeup as my "mask" to become someone else who was much more confident and could actually like herself. 

Years passed and I started realizing more and more that there is no reason to be ashamed of how I look whether or whether not it had anything to do with my race. I realized that I had quite a distorted view of my appearance. My cheeks and nose aren't THAT big. The images of them had grew to such a large size in my head because I kept picking at myself about it. I obsessed over. Things aren't as bad as you may seem to think they are! We are our worse critiques really. I also realized that I will never be able to compare myself to Caucasian girls or to girls of any race because we all have different features. It doesn't make one race more attractive than the other. Were just different, being different can be a good thing.  

I think you should be less hard on yourself. I don't even need to see a picture of you or anything to already know that you are a beautiful girl! Being beautiful goes beyond having nice makeup on and having guys find you pretty. It's about whats inside too, it's the part that everyone should love us the most for.


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## luvsic (Mar 3, 2009)

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## piika (Mar 5, 2009)

I'm Asian too, but quite a bit older than you. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  For me, the best way to feel better about your image is not necessary trying new techniques or thinking about how to accept your features, but to go out there and accomplish something in you life. Nothing gives you self-confidence like it, and with self-confidence, you will be very beautiful and feel it too. It's not easy to achieve success in anything, of course, but it's a hell of lot more realistic and healthy goal than looking perfect. If you got a real sense of self-worth, your image of yourself will change completely.


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## frocher (Mar 5, 2009)

,,,,,,,,


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## luvsic (Mar 5, 2009)

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## user44 (Mar 11, 2009)

I think everyone has moments like this...
Most days I wake up thinking that Im the sexiest thing ever made...
But then some some days I don't like my weird cat shaped nose or my cat shaped eyes that I wish were slantier...


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## metal_romantic (May 3, 2009)

I am white but I can relate to how you feel. I have never felt pretty. I don't know how it started, but I remember announcing to my mum when I was 5 that I would never get married because I wasn't pretty enough, so I must have felt like this practically my whole life. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the whole world that knows how it feels- but I guess I am not! i don't want anyone else to feel bad but in a way it is a relief to know that I am not alone! When I see photos of myself I want to (and often do) cry and think "I can't believe I look like that!". I don't have any issues with ethnicity but I just feel so unattractive that I want to punish myself for it sometimes because I feel like it stops me from having a better life. (I know that sounds weird but that's how I feel when I get upset and irrational).
I see women of all different races and think they are beautiful. I think Asian looks are gorgeous.

Try looking up BeYouTified on Youtube. Makeup Artist Eve Pearl has some videos of makeovers, and a few are with Asian ladies. They look so lovely. You may get some great tips from this 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



Her book is titled "Plastic Surgery Without the Surgery: The Miracle of Makeup Techniques". Speaking of surgery, please be very careful. I often feel like my face looks like a pack from Ikea that came without instructions and was assembled by an intern while God was on his lunch break, but I would like to have hope that one day I will learn to accept myself as I am, flaws and all. What if you changed yourself and then one day realized that you lost an important part of who you are? What if you look in the mirror and don't feel like "you" anymore? The face plays a part in our identity- which is a reason why we love makeup here! (Of course this is your personal decision, and if it what you truly want to do, that's your own choice and no-one else's- just trying to give you something to think about to help you make that choice.) Besides, think of how much surgery costs and the risks involved.

I have read a couple of Amy Tan's novels ("The Hundred Secret Senses" was one) and I think they are wonderful. I love her writing. She is Chinese-American. Perhaps it might help you to embrace your ethnicity? I think that might help you from the inside. Of course there are plenty of other ways to do this, but I really enjoyed the books and even if they don't help they might be nice to read anyway


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## Triskele (May 3, 2009)

I'm going to make kind of an odd suggestion here, but it's one that I think you should seriously consider.

You're Chinese, ethnically, no? Have you ever considered going to China?

If you go on a home exchange, or even visit for a week, two, a month, and are surrounded by a lot of gorgeous people and culture that is YOUR OWN...your perspective may change.


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## doomkitteh (May 3, 2009)

^ That might work. To put things into perspective, I'm a brown Asian girl (I'm south-east asian, chinese, and indian) and I grew up somewhere with many Chinese people, and I in no way fit any typical east asian beauty ideas that was idealised there. The whole thing just really annoyed me but I didn't obsess about it. To be honest you sound too preoccupied with how you look. I also think east asian beauty is idealised/fetishised to a certain extent, and you must have seen this, especially on the internet. There are definitely chinese/east asian 'beauty role models' in the media, more so than many other ethnic minorities.


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## Tahti (May 3, 2009)

I'm sad for you that you feel that way ;( I'm Caucasian, and IMO Asian ethnicity is really far more beautiful.

Self esteem issues are difficult to try overcome, I've had them for 12 years, and I still don't like myself. The only time I ever feel good is when I distort my image into something totally over the top - wear crazy clothes, change my hair, cover myself in makeup, cause that's the closest I can get to changing how I look without surgery. 
I don't have many ethnic features, but my nose is one. I hate my nose the most, it's a very typical Finnish nose, and every time I look at myself that's all I can see, and all I think is how much better I'd feel if I had a straight nose, larger eyes, et cetera.

What makes me feel better is just playing around with makeup really ;D It's amazing how different shapes can make your face look totally different, and this makes me happy.. I hope one day you can feel at peace with yourself. I'm sure you are beautiful just the way you are. xx


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## L1LMAMAJ (May 3, 2009)

Like most girls, I sometimes have issues with self-image. However, in college, I was surrounded by great people and I think they have helped me break out of my shell and help me to love myself. Just learn to love yourself because that is the most important thing. Others will see that and love you for having confidence in yourself. Sorry I know this is sucky advice but I don't know how to put in words what I wanna say. Good luck.


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## luvsic (May 15, 2009)

.


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## luvsic (May 15, 2009)

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## *neerja* (Jun 3, 2009)

bin there, done that. i know im a little late but i felt like adding my two cents in lol. i'm 19 as well and like many of the posters and you, i also had some self esteem issues. i'm indian and i've had acne since i was 12, i still have it, and i think that affected my confidence a lott. we all want what we can't have ..some darker ppl want to be lighter, some lighter ppl want to be darker etc etc. there is not ONE common image of beautiful. there is beauty in everything and everyone. 

i always wished i had clear skin and still do. i don't like a lotta things about my looks, but i try to focus on what i DO like. i get commented on my eyes and smile a lot ..so no matter how i feel inside about my skin. nose etc .. I SMILE! cofidence is the sexiest thing about a person. when you radiate confidence, happiness etc you radiate beauty. an average looking confident, friendly girl is MUCH MORE attractive than a vain typical beauty. 

i try to focus on the things i do like. i.e. eccentuating my eyes more with makeup when i can, smiling A LOT lol spending time on my hair, wearing nice clothes, jewellery, whatever makes me feel beautiful regardless of the fact that i have horrible skin. 

i have a friend, who is very obese, she doesn't fit an image of a typical caucasian beauty, but she is BEAUTIFUL to us. she is sooo confident, so friendly, always laughing, smiling, and the funniest person i ever met! all these qualities make her MUCH MUCH more attractive than anyone else i know. she has tons of friends and everyone loves her cuz shez just such an amazing, friendly, hilarious person! i love her to bits. she is always surrounded by people and never lets her looks be a problem. sometimes she even jokes about it, like, "so you guys really think that I can fit in THAT MUCH space?!" or "so you guys i got stuck in this chair" and so on. when you have all these people around that love you because you have an amazing personality, i don't think one wud be worried so much about looks. if you only care about becoming a typical image of a girl, then it will be hard for you to come out of your little shell, see the world, have fun, and just be YOURself. 

focus on the goood things about yourself. like your skin, hair, and how to MAKE your eyes look bigger. there are so many beautiful asian makeup gurus on  youtube, check them out and learn from their techniques if you're that concerned. BE CONFIDENT! BECAUSE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! and when you BELEIVE THAT, you will show your true beauty 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 go out, make more friends, hang out more and just have fun and enjoy life. 

we always tend to overlook beautiful things about us. so when someone else comments on something about you .. YOU BEST BELEIVE IT! lol and focus on it. i also have big eyes and never liked them (stupid right?) but ppl comment and say they're nice and now i FINALLY beleive them. same with my smile. i get those chin dimples (i don't know if you know what iim talkin about) and always thought my smile looked childish and made me look like a kid but ppl tell me its cute and again, i finally started to beleive them now lol. post up some FOTDs! we all want to see how pretty you really are. =)

i hope your therapy is helping, and remember, you're beautiful being who you are


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## swaly (Jun 11, 2009)

I know that you & doctors you've spoken to have dismissed the possibility of BDD, but I personally think that psychological disorders exist on a spectrum, not on an on/off basis. In other words, you don't need to be diagnosed with something to have tendencies or behaviors that relate to it.

I'm Korean-American and grew up in a predominantly white/Hispanic/black neighborhood in NYC and went to schools where for most of my childhood my Asian features were thought of as unusual as best, weird/freakish/funny at worst. I had to get used to a lot of "ching chong Chinaman" comments when I was 9 or 10. Anyway, compounded with an adolescence that involved some acne, some weight fluctuations and body image issues, I've been struggling with what I believe are BDD-lke symptoms for almost my whole life.

The things that caught my eye were the fact that you feel incredibly ugly in photos, dissect your appearance in mirrors, and put a lot of faith in the fact that eventually with the right surgeon plastic surgery can change your life. I specifically suffer from a lot of fixated thought, repetitive thought patterns, etc., on those subjects, if I happen to get stuck in a rut.

I have a hard time knowing WHAT I look like as well...I just have no capacity to "understand" what my physical appearance is. I don't have a solid, grounded self-concept; my idea of my self is constantly wavering based on tiny outside stimuli, like comments, photos, catching a glimpse of myself in reflective surfaces, etc.

I personally hate the modern trend of slapping diagnoses and disease names on anything considered even slightly "abnormal." On the other hand, I think it's useful to honestly address tendencies and maybe seek help or support for them. You don't need to be full-on BDD to pursue some kind of professional support. I know that if I had insurance and hadn't had such a bad experience with my psych I'd be all over seeing a therapist, without worrying about having to label it BDD or not.



Anyway didn't mean to write you a mini-encyclopedia there, but thought I'd chip in.


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## DazsGirl (Jun 20, 2009)

luvsic- Thanks for this post! I thought I was the only Asian that felt like this!

I completly understand where all this is coming from. The reason why I dont feel good enough is because we do live in America, the majority are white, people in the media, everyday people all look different from me. I grew up and still am living in Indiana, smack in the middle of all white people. I've never even had an Asian friend, nobody that looks like me or knows how I feel. I think the right thing to do is obviously accept ourselves, but its really difficult when the people around are are judgemental simply because I look different. 

Its been a constant struggle with guys too, up until now (I currently have a boyfriend), they always wanted to use me and then move on to have a real relationship with a white girl. So is it because I'm Asian, the person they cant take home to? And then when guys tell me I'm goodlooking and I have a hard time accepting that because do they have fetishs or am I truly good looking? And my version of good looking means universal, accepted by everyone, not just Asians or not just whites.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look great, and then when I go out, I get reminded how different I look. Weight has been a struggle with me too, I'm overweight for an Asian at 5'5 and 120 pounds, but hey at least I'm not flat chested!! (No offense to anyone)

Hang in there, you're not alone!


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## Shanti (Jun 22, 2009)

I don't find Lena Fuji all that supergorge >_>
But the 3rd girl you posted is sooo freakin' pretty!! Who is she? She kinda looks like Yuna Ito, but more mix...

I personally think you're really lucky. Asian women tend to age very well. *is jealous of own mother because I will not have the same luck*
I think if you were brought up around more Asians you wouldn't feel this way...
Cuz this case kinda reminds me of my ex. He's full Asian but doesn't quite feel comfortable with it because he grew up with mainly Caucasians.
I agree with those who said to play around with makeup. Sometimes it helps a bit. Play with circle lenses and falsies, if you will. No surgery, very simple to do, and fun ^^
I'm sure you looks just fine, anyway.


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## cyan (Jul 13, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *luvsic* 

 
_I just want to show you guys the Asian girls I used to compare myself to. Thinking back on it, I compared myself to many more mixed Asian girls than white celebrities, for some odd reason. I just found them the most beautiful, as they looked both Caucasian and Asian. It's not like I find Asian necessarily ugly (I just thought I was), but to me these girls seemed like the prettiest :/

As you can see, these girls are all mixed or have undergone extensive plastic surgery to look the way they do. I am not entirely sure if ALL of them have had surgery, but a lot of them have. All are popular models or singers in their countries._

 
Hoooow dare you post a picture of Ayumi Hamasaki! She is the Queen of Plastic Surgery! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Anyways, us Eurasians are just like those of you with one race. We have our own traits and our own downfalls. We're normal people ... I hate how chipmunky my cheeks are and how I have a double chin no matter how skinny I am. However it's the way it is and something that I just have come to deal with. 

Come to love yourself! I think college is a great place to really find who you are. Have you thought about joining an Asian or Chinese club?


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## drinkngreentea (Jul 14, 2009)

I am Korean but adopted. My family is white and I've grown up "white-washed" some would say. When I was younger I always wanted to be white. I wanted blue eyes, blond hair, pale skin. But now that i'm growing up i'm realizing how beautiful asians really are. I do the facebook/myspace stalking thing  but i only look for beautiful asians to compare myself to. I think it's because I used to associate beauty with other races other than my own, so when I do see a beautiful asian it's even more exciting for some reason... i'm strange.
But what i'm trying to say is no matter what race, age, or gender; everyone has trouble seeing the best qualities with in themselves. It's hard to do, but you need to focus on what makes you beautiful and unique. I still have trouble. I used to have eating problems/weight issues. I looked into getting fake light blue contacts.. (still want them though.. they are just soooo cool..). But I need to accept the fact that NO one is 100% perfect. But my boyfriend currently doesn't care if i'm a little chunky or if my skin isn't perfect. He loves me for who I am. If i were stuck up, vain, and just an all round horrible person, there's no way he'd be dating me...even if i were SUPER MODEL HOTTTT. Besides, it's all about the brains. I wish I had spent more time studying rather than doing my makeup (GASP!) and focusing on how I looked. 
Best of luck. I hope you figure out how lovely you really are


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## iCandy (Aug 12, 2009)

it's normal for all brown girls to try to look white.. 

We watch white movies
We see white girls who look great ( mostly because they're catered to )
We see ads that make white girls look super glamourous/sexy

I think white girls are gorgeous, but in a very different way than chinese girls, asian girls and arabian girls and of course us black girls.

Why can't we appreciate all shapes and forms of beauty? It's impossible.. only one can be the best and right now that's blonde blue eyed girls like Blake Lively who are pretty plain to most of us. I think they're gorgeous but the most beautiful to me have always been arabian/indian girls for some reason.. and then black girls ( dark skin ) and so on down the line.. that is just me.

But in a white world, of course white girls get #1 status.. what do you expect?? And because the rest of the world falls in line behind that.. we are all tryign to get our bodies, face, hair and features to LOOK like white girls.

Asian girls cutting their eyelids
Black girls doing weaves

It's got to stop but it won't until the races blend a bit more and we start having less white people.. this is the only solution.. don't think for a second that while they run sh*t, they won't make the decisions as far as who gets idolized. They run things.. we just get to decide whether or not we buy their bull or not.

Younger girls ( pre-teens) are especially gullible and trying so hard to be just like that white cheerleader in their school.. luckily for me I was a little militant and was rocking a fro even in junior high.. but not everyone is strong minded. Some of them never escape this deep-seated self-hate that they are dark skin.. just look at lil kim


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## Tashona Helena (Aug 12, 2009)

^ Black girls getting weaves is a *bad* example of "black girls trying to be white" and I stand behind it always.  I do my hair with weaves because I want to be different and I don't like doing my real hair.  It was never trying to be white.  And if you look at most weaves on youtube you will see that more than half of weave styles are something a Caucasian girl wouldn't wear typically.  IMO, a Caucasian girl wouldn't wear wear rainbow short hair or half cut short or half long.  Never seen them in braids/fishtail weaves like so either.  And I have friends who are black who have naturally long hair, and know of girls who barely need a relaxer, their hair is just receptive to flat irons and can stay straight, and they are indeed black, no Caucasian lines in their family.  Hair is just a way we express ourselves. I hope someone can feel me on this.


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## User38 (Aug 12, 2009)

I think your whole rant is pointless and really retrograde.  

Nobody "runs" shit -- the world of economics and finance have a life of their own, and if anything the recent recession should prove that mismanagement is rampant and not confined to any race.

You sound like you are full of prejudice and sadly quite ignorant.

I am white, I am latina with mixed European backgrounds and I am also educated -- your stereotypes mean nothing except to inspire more senseless hatred. I have clients who are black, asian, latino and all mixes of races and nationalities.

I will repeat I find your post offensive and am only posting back to express my disgust.


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## iheartmakeup412 (Aug 13, 2009)

^^ I agree..none of it made sense it just sounded like pure ignorance. I am 100% black with long hair midway down my back and people always asume it's weave. My daughter who is also 100% black has hair that is 2 inch from her butt no relaxer and only needs a flat iron when she wants to wear it straight. Black women have long hair too so I don't see how getting a hair weave is trying to be white. There are alot of women of othe races including white that get hair weaves.


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## 3773519 (Aug 13, 2009)

You know I was reading te beginning of this thread and I felt like she had taken what i feel and posted it up. I too have had image issues. for 1. Im Colombian and if anyone knows about Colombian women, we have a big thing about looking perfect...aaahheeem plastic surgery all the way...2. my mother used to compare me a lot of my cousin who was skinnier and light skinned. she had the straight hair and the brown eyes. I on the other hand am caramel skin tone, curly black hair and dark brown eyes and am very curvy. 
3. My parents used to pay me to lose weight when i was little and since my sister was petite they'd paid her to gain weight. 4. for my 15th brithday my father gave me a year membership to Bally's(i weighed 110LBs) So i never felt happy with what i look like. And even after having a baby 4 yrs ago im killing myself with crazy detox's and looking into plastic surgery to look like this magazine girl i feel the need to look like. 

I went to therapy because i truely need help. I have been falling into depressions forever about it and it doesnt make it any better on my relationships with men. Men want a confident woman and sometimes i can be but mainly im not. 

I guess what i am doing now, is just telling myself every single day, its ok if ur not a 2 in pants anymore, so what ur a 6. you could look good at 6 and if i was to go back to 100 pounds i would probably look sick. As hard as it is for me to believe it, i try to not look into what others look like anymore and worry about being heathly.I figure im stuck with who i am and if i wanna look good i need to do something about it...so i workout and eat heathlier...


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## luvsic (Aug 14, 2009)

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## jenniferever (Aug 14, 2009)

To be honest, my take of it is that you're not conforming to Western idea of beauty but Chinese idea of beauty. I know lots of Western guys that like the Asian look because they think its exotic and lots of Western women who think the black hair and porcelain complexion is really pretty.

I think its mostly Chinese people who have come to hate the slanty eyes and flat nose look. It's quite sad really....


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## chocolategoddes (Aug 15, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *luvsic* 

 
_]377 - I know how you feel...I am sorry things had to be that way. I am sure you are beautiful. If it makes you feel any better, I am trying to look up to women with curves for my inspiration more, my current inspiration is JOAN HOLLOWAY from madmen! She makes having curves MAD hot 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	







_

 
I've seriously had the biggest girl crush on her and her body since I saw her in this dress:





OMG! I want hips like her so fucking bad!!!


Sorry, that was a little OT.


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## HeavenLeiBlu (Aug 15, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *iCandy* 

 
_it's normal for all brown girls to try to look white.. 
_

 

Ain't shit normal about that. G-d forbid it should EVER be normal for anyone to make any type of effort to look like something they are not ( with the exception of acting,etc of course).


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## luvsic (Aug 15, 2009)

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## iheartmakeup412 (Aug 15, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *luvsic* 

 
_Wait, I'm a little confused....were you guys offended by my original post..?

Anyway, I didn't mean to offend anyone in anyway way, I was just saying how I felt. 

377 - I know how you feel...I am sorry things had to be that way. I am sure you are beautiful. If it makes you feel any better, I am trying to look up to women with curves for my inspiration more, my current inspiration is JOAN HOLLOWAY from madmen! She makes having curves MAD hot 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	







_

 
No I wasn't offended by your original post. Most women in some point in there life either felt the way you do or wanted to change somthing about there appearnce. I was offended by the poster who said brown skinned girls get weaves because they are trying to be white..

I'm happy you are beginning to see how beautiful you actually are and reallizing that beauty comes in all differant shapes, sizes, and colors. Confidence speaks volumes.


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## TISH1124 (Aug 15, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *iCandy* 

 
_*it's normal for all brown girls to try to look white.. *

We watch white movies
We see white girls who look great ( mostly because they're catered to )
We see ads that make white girls look super glamourous/sexy

I think white girls are gorgeous, but in a very different way than chinese girls, asian girls and arabian girls and of course us black girls.

Why can't we appreciate all shapes and forms of beauty? It's impossible.. only one can be the best and right now that's blonde blue eyed girls like Blake Lively who are pretty plain to most of us. I think they're gorgeous but the most beautiful to me have always been arabian/indian girls for some reason.. and then black girls ( dark skin ) and so on down the line.. that is just me.

*But in a white world*, of course white girls get #1 status.. what do you expect?? And because the rest of the world falls in line behind that.. *we are all tryign to get our bodies, face, hair and features to LOOK like white girls.* 
*Asian girls cutting their eyelids
Black girls doing weaves*

*It's got to stop but it won't until the races blend a bit more and we start having less white people*.. *this is the only solution*.. don't think for a second that while they run sh*t, they won't make the decisions as far as who gets idolized. They run things.. we just get to decide whether or not we buy their bull or not.

Younger girls ( pre-teens) are especially gullible and trying so hard to be just like that white cheerleader in their school.. luckily for me I was a little militant and was rocking a fro even in junior high.. but not everyone is strong minded. Some of them never escape this deep-seated self-hate that they are dark skin.. just look at lil kim_

 
I am pretty speechless to be honest with your response...you are certainly entitled to your opinions...But, honestly, are you serious??? Your response sounds so racist and judgemental to say the least and that is simply IMO


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## Shimmer (Aug 15, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *iCandy* 

 
_it's normal for all brown girls to try to look white.. 

We watch white movies
We see white girls who look great ( mostly because they're catered to )
We see ads that make white girls look super glamourous/sexy

I think white girls are gorgeous, but in a very different way than chinese girls, asian girls and arabian girls and of course us black girls.

Why can't we appreciate all shapes and forms of beauty? It's impossible.. only one can be the best and right now that's blonde blue eyed girls like Blake Lively who are pretty plain to most of us. I think they're gorgeous but the most beautiful to me have always been arabian/indian girls for some reason.. and then black girls ( dark skin ) and so on down the line.. that is just me.

But in a white world, of course white girls get #1 status.. what do you expect?? And because the rest of the world falls in line behind that.. we are all tryign to get our bodies, face, hair and features to LOOK like white girls.

Asian girls cutting their eyelids
Black girls doing weaves

It's got to stop but it won't until the races blend a bit more and we start having less white people.. this is the only solution.. don't think for a second that while they run sh*t, they won't make the decisions as far as who gets idolized. They run things.. we just get to decide whether or not we buy their bull or not.

Younger girls ( pre-teens) are especially gullible and trying so hard to be just like that white cheerleader in their school.. luckily for me I was a little militant and was rocking a fro even in junior high.. but not everyone is strong minded. Some of them never escape this deep-seated self-hate that they are dark skin.. just look at lil kim_

 
Quite possibly in the top ten most racist posts I've ever seen on this site.


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## S.S.BlackOrchid (Aug 15, 2009)

You're not alone. Impossible to attain beauty standards permeate media so much that you don't have to read fashion magazines or watch tv to feel unsatisfied with how you look. 

I have had body image issues, since I was young also. I'm Indian and hated my broad shoulders, a bigger frame (even after losing a LOT of weight, I'm thicker than my family members), thick, coarse, curly hair (of course, the rest of my family has long, silky, wavy hair), dark skin, hairy shapeless eyebrows, etc. And this is coming from a person who does not read fashion magazines and has very little interest in the fashion world. Of course, my father loved to remind me how big and ugly that I was. 

What helped me a lot was working out with my male friends and studying the human body. While I still have some insecurities, I have learned to focus on function as opposed to form. I work out to gain endurance, run longer, lift more, etc. It gives me positive reinforcement when I can impress them with my abilities. I have also learned to appreciate the human body for being as complex, and so capable as it is, and it makes me improve my body in a way that it works more efficiently. This has helped motivate me to change my diet and work out.

NO ONE is beautiful to everyone, and this includes the "most beautiful women." People have so many different ideas of what is beautiful.


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## cutemiauw (Aug 16, 2009)

Sometimes I really wonder where society gets all this beauty "standards". I also grow up thinking I could never be pretty because I'm dark skinned. Now I have to laugh when I remember that 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 Now I think I am pretty 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




. I mean, I believe that everyone could be beautiful when they believe in themselves, embracing who their beautiful inner selves 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




.

One of my eye opening moment was when I studied abroad in Germany (I'm Indonesian). I came to find out that some people here actually envied my skin tone 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




. I finally realized that some people just can't stop thinking that the grass on someone else's lawn is greener. So yeah, now I LOVE being dark skinned 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




.

BTW, I remember one time I went to a MU counter in Indonesia, the sales girl said to me, "Umm... I'm sorry but, *paused for a moment*, ma'am I'm sorry to say that you are dark skinned..."


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## chocolategoddes (Aug 16, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *iCandy* 

 
_It's got to stop but it won't until the races blend a bit more and we start having less white people.. this is the only solution.. don't think for a second that while they run sh*t, they won't make the decisions as far as who gets idolized. They run things.. we just get to decide whether or not we buy their bull or not._

 
My face right now:
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Um, are you serious? Are you trying to start a revolution or something???


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## jadey_boo (Sep 24, 2009)

.....


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## 2Fruits (Nov 2, 2009)

Hey Luvsic!

I empathise with you on many levels! I am white, caucasian and grew up in a very white caucasian environment. I was teased in primary school (but then again... who wasn't?) about being pale but with dark features (hair + eyebrows) and at that time wished to be tanned and blonde. I am still very, very self-concious about a few things today. On the other hand I was often was told by people that they wish they were skinny like me, etc.

Then when I was finishing yr 8, I moved schools to a very multicultural, 70% asian environment where all of a sudden I became acutely aware and envious of many asian features.

I went on exchange for a year to Japan where I found the grass was always greener. In Japan the women especially are very concious of their skin and looking polished and gorgeous. Instead of fitting into the smallest size jeans in Aus, I would be a medium or large in Japan and my perception of how I looked changed entirely. Instead of trying to put on weight like I did in Aus, I tried to maintain my weight in Japan. After being surrounded by girls who had beautiful pale skin, instead of trying to be tan I constantly used sunscreen and whitening lotion!!! In Japan schoolmates often commented on my 'tall nose' (in their opinion beautiful) which I have and am acutely self concious of from a Western ideals perspective.

Now that I am back, I still judge my self from Australian ideals but I came to realise that

-The grass is always greener

-We will judge ourselves the same way as we judge our environment or how we think our environment judges us (the way we think people see us and the way they do see us are entirely different)

-Opinons of beauty are totally subjective and can and will change throughout our lives and throughout history

-Humans by nature are self centered, are concerned more about how they themselves look than how you look 






 I think the most important thing is to be confident in who you are, inside and out. Everyone has flaws, some more noticable than others and I think plastic surgery (conservative) can improve peoples self esteem BUT there will always be something that we dislike (e.g. I finally get rid of those scars all of a sudden I will notice cellulite which I don't like etc. etc.) and often improving how we look (or more importantly how we percieve we look) starts on the inside first.

xx


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## User38 (Nov 2, 2009)

God allmighty! How old is everyone here??  

Move on and live your lives!


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## Almond_Eyed (Nov 8, 2009)

I think as people grow up and mature you worry less about your body image. Physically, it just goes downhill after your 20s: wrinkles, age spots, stretch marks from having babies, etc, all you have left is your mind and personality.

As far as Tish's "racist" post... I don't think it's necessarily racist because honestly, after you step outside of North America... racism is a billion times worse. I watched a documentary where girls in Japan explicitly say "I want to look like a white girl." How much more blunt can you get?

If you look at the history of *colonization*, the whites considered themselves "superior" and "civilized." A friend told me that he travelled to the Dominican Republic, being white meant you got better service because caucasians were associated with having money. In the entire history of human "civilization," one race always considers themselves superior to others: Egyptians enslaving Hebrews, Europeans stealing land from the First Nations, white colonies enslaving Africans, Hitler slaughtering Jews, U.S. Government vs. Middle East... I could go on...

*There are deeply historical and political reasons why things are the way they are.* I live in a very multi-cultural city where racist attitudes are frowned upon, but if you look closer and you'll see that racism is everywhere.


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## angelbug (Nov 20, 2009)

To respond to the original poster: I definitely understand how you're feeling. I think in this society we all compare ourselves to others, and beauty / physical attractiveness plays a huge role. 

I'm no doctor, but you might be suffering from body dysmorphic disorder? I don't know too much about it, but I remember an episode on Oprah where there were several people who were obsessed with the way they looked.

I think as members of a mac community, we're all interested in beauty/makeup, but we just have to remember there are more important things in life


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## luvsic (Nov 22, 2009)

.


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## Nox (Dec 1, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Almond_Eyed* 

 
_If you look at the history of *colonization*, the whites considered themselves "superior" and "civilized." A friend told me that he travelled to the Dominican Republic, being white meant you got better service because caucasians were associated with having money. In the entire history of human "civilization," one race always considers themselves superior to others: Egyptians enslaving Hebrews, Europeans stealing land from the First Nations, white colonies enslaving Africans, Hitler slaughtering Jews, U.S. Government vs. Middle East... I could go on..._

 
*_sigh_*

You do realize that Egypt is in Northeast Africa, right?

Don't be fooled by Elizabeth Taylor's rendition of "Cleopatra"...


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## LILYisatig3r (Jan 19, 2011)

God I'm sorry for bumping this thread, but I came across it when I searched "False lashes for Asian eyes" in the Specktra search and I can't help but post.

  	I used to be in the exact same boat as you. I almost think I really still am. Growing up, almost all of my friends crack Asian jokes or say "You're like this because you're Asian", "Why don't you like that, you're Asian?" and things like that. Perfect example would be, "Wait, you're bad at math? But you're Asian! You're supposed to be good!" .. yeah. And you're white, are you trying to say you're supposed to be stupid? It just really hurts sometimes when I want to find people that accept me for me without having to say it's because I'm Asian or this or that.

  	I'm always surrounded by gorgeous people of all colors and races, but I never feel as beautiful. My eyes aren't as small as other Asian girls, but I have a horrifically large nose - at least that's how I see it. My boyfriend, my family, and all my close friends (who incidentally are the only ones that never said Asian comments) constantly try to tell me that I'm beautiful the way I am. I've come to terms with a lot of the facial features that are common in being Asian. Smaller eyes, flatter face shapes, no prominent crease... but it's still frustrating when I look in the mirror in the mornings and hate what I see in the mirror. I think a lot of that insecurity stems from so many of the times I've been hurt in relationships. Any time someone I was dating left me for someone else or commented that some other girl was cute, I'd be thinking to myself, oh is that because I'm not like them that I'm not equally as beautiful?

  	It took me a long, long, LONG, time to realize that it's because I felt that way that they did. No man wants to be with a woman who thinks she's nasty looking. Confidence attracts people and when you love yourself, others will love you too. How are you coming along in your search for self-perfection? I've learned it really does start on the inside. For the longest time, I researched rhinoplasty too so I could finally fix that god-awful nose I thought I had.But I've finally reached that point where I realize, if all my close friends and family think I'm beautiful, then maybe it's time I do too.

  	It's a tough journey. I won't lie. Especially being surrounded by beauty concepts that are geared towards the Caucasian majority. There will be times where you'll fall back on your old doubts, fears, and self-disgust. But it's the part where you lift yourself out of that rut of self-loathing that makes you stronger and more beautiful because of it; when you finally learn to love yourself.


  	Quote: 	 		 			God allmighty! How old is everyone here??

			Move on and live your lives!


  	By the way, you're not being very helpful... how is that constructive to someone who is asking advice? It's almost rude.


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## Serenebassdrop (Jan 25, 2011)

kaexbabey said:


> if you really won't get surgery, i guess all you can do to "emphasize yourself" is deal with makeup. if you really want the "western look" why not try fake tanning or eyelid glue or tape to make your eyes appear bigger? and contouring for your nose.



 	I am so so so upset that someone would even suggest eyelid glue, fake tanning and tape that is the epitome of fakeness and insecurity .
  	tsk tsk.



  	anyways, sadly your perception of beauty has been distorted.. By the media, because even though you don't compare your self with airbrush models. YOU DO.
  	Why? because the girls you know and the girls on facebook look more like airbrushed models than you think you do right?
  	therefore you are still comparing yourself. 
  	You need to stop, I wan't to tell you something?
  	you are infinitely beautiful every single one of you is extremely gorgeous, and your so called imperfections are unique and what make you! you!
  	do people really strive to look unrealistic people? Do you all really want to look like each other?
  	Do you wan't to know why these girls in the magazines and television and internet look the way they do?
  	Simple its called profit.
  	How is this profitable you ask?
  	Well, they place the image of an unrealistic Impossible unless genetic beauty and bombard humanity with this image, they become programmed that in order to be happy, sexually satisfied, loved, wanted, saught after.. etc etc etc.. You have to look like these women in the media.
  	But a normal beautiful unique girl does not look like that, therefore there is a "solution" creams, lotions, surgeries, software, contacts, fucking eyelid glue you name it they got it.
  	These companies make extreme profit out of your misery that they have caused. 
  	The produce a problem that does not exist and they also provide the answer its that easy!
  	Why do you think they pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for an ad thats only 30 seconds? Simple.

  	You are so beautiful and you do no need to compare yourself, I had the same problems being a latina.
  	I felt terrible horrendous because I was not a c-cup, fair haired light skin gal.
  	I basked in the never ending hell of insecurity, It wasn't until a series of events that I opened my eyes, to the lies and saw how beautiful me and every living being is.
  	You are beautiful, Health and happiness are what make you shine and confidence is beautiful.
  	I happen to think asian woman are beautiful infact, I used to always envy asian women and wished I was born in asia.


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