# Why do women like to constantly tear each other down?



## Jessica0984 (Feb 24, 2009)

I know I have been guilty of this like we all are, but there comes a time that you think why am I even going there? We are all different people and the world would be a boring place if we all looked alike, liked the same things or what not. I am trying to change myself a little and realize not everyone has the same outlook on life as I do or like the same things as I do. If it doesn't directly affect me and my family then who am I to judge?


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## cupcake_x (Feb 24, 2009)

Simply because they/we are insecure at times, some more than others.


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## Jessica0984 (Feb 24, 2009)

I guess you are right. I do think I am more secure now than I was then.


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## cupcake_x (Feb 24, 2009)

Insecurity is something everyone deals with -yes, even men-  (except maybe someone with Narcissitic Personality Disorder...)  and finding fault in others is a way of dealing with it and making yourself feel better.

I do it sometimes, I admit. Nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you don't down and out rip on someone.


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## Jessica0984 (Feb 24, 2009)

I haven't done that. But now I am just trying to be more aware of the things I say. The if you don't have anything nice to say don't say nothing at all philosophy. I guess I am trying to sorta makeover my soul. Oh my I sound like Cher from clueless. LOL.


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## cupcake_x (Feb 24, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Jessica0984* 

 
_I haven't done that. But now I am just trying to be more aware of the things I say. The if you don't have anything nice to say don't say nothing at all philosophy. I guess I am trying to sorta makeover my soul. Oh my I sound like Cher from clueless. LOL._

 
Agreed- I'd never say something about another person, unless they were a bad person. Hey, insulting the "other woman" (who is pretty ugly inside and out) when I was cheated on helped, but I only said it to my very closest friends and myself. It's sort of like therapy


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## ImMACnificent (Feb 24, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *cupcake_x* 

 
_Insecurity is something everyone deals with -yes, even men-  (except maybe someone with Narcissitic Personality Disorder...)  and finding fault in others is a way of dealing with it and making yourself feel better.

I do it sometimes, I admit. Nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you don't down and out rip on someone._

 

Actually, narcissism stems from insecurity. The personality is created by invalidation.


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## cupcake_x (Feb 25, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *ImMACnificent* 

 
_Actually, narcissism stems from insecurity. The personality is created by invalidation._

 
True.


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## allthatgl1tt3rs (Feb 25, 2009)

What everyone has said sums it up perfectly LOL! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




But I do wish women wouldn't do it. I've received so many dirty looks and other rubbish from girls I don't even freakin' know! The animosity could be sliced with a knife sometimes it's so thick... Thing is I'm trying, as I go to realise this when I do feel daggers and receive aggro from other women, even if I know them and they're supposed to be my friends.

Plus if it is down to self esteem, wishing women wouldn't do it won't help. Our self esteem hangs on so many things and is a result of so many experiences it would take a while for anyone to get to the bottom of why they feel the way they do and sort it out - and that's realising their self esteem issues in the first place because not everyone does!

All I can say is that I've been working on my own esteem issues and am trying to make myself a stronger, better person - I've never been happier since I started to do this!


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## Simply Elegant (Feb 25, 2009)

Any girl who does that to hurt someone else, no matter what their insecurities, should not be a threat to the victim's self esteem. It's just not worth getting hurt by their insecurities.


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## xxAngelxx (Feb 25, 2009)

It all boils down to insecurity and jealousy. And I must admit, when girls are bitchy to me for apparently no reason, I can be just as bitchy right back. But usually, I keep my snide remarks to myself and my close friends because I really do think that acting bitchy (whether its deserved or not) makes you look stupid.


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## enigmaticpheo (Feb 25, 2009)

*Rubs hands together* Okay, I'm a Women's Studies minor, and we have tried to take a crack at this for ages. I agree with what everyone has said--especially about narcissism! Narcissistic personalities have such fragile egos that they MUST focus on themselves to constantly reassure their insecurities. They have no energy for anyone else, as that someone else could reject them, thus blowing their ego to pieces.

The interesting bit of female behavior comes into play as the "dominant" or "alpha" female feels threatened. Notice that if the woman doesn't feel threatened, she has no reason to strike out, and really doesn't. If, for example, you are new to a school and find yourself the victim of a popular (or even not so popular) girl's insults, it's her (hurtful) way of exerting her dominance over the domain. By putting you down, she is trying to ensure that you do not become a threat and steal her position.

The same goes outside of school, in work, dating, and social situations. When a woman feels threatened (or IS threatened) she strikes out. But whereas men strike out really directly (e.g. WTF MAN, YOU'S A DOUCHE GET AWAY D:<) women are much more skilled with the complexities of indirect communication. While these skills provide women with excellent intuition, they are also the weapons with which we hurt each other. The intuition that lets us know a friend is feeling down and tells us to help her out, also tells us that there's a girl rising on our scene and we need to hit her vulnerable spots. 

Notice that women only get into physical fights when things REALLY escalate, and even then they vastly prefer verbal and indirect non-physical communication. As women we have less testosterone, therefore less aggression. But we have the same feelings of being threatened or insecure as men do. We don't have the urge to punch our rival in the face (...usually...) but instead to spread nasty rumors and backstab. Women are smart, skilled, and dangerous. When they feel threatened...well, we like to show off how very sharp our tools are!

Sorry, that was long.


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## SparklingWaves (Feb 26, 2009)

A twist to this is that I am really seeing guys become much more critical on women.  Seriously, I am hearing more and more of things like - "Her outfit doesn't match her boots.  She is too old. (They are actually referring to women in their late twenties and early thirties as old Cougars).  She is totally fake.  She needs to loose weight.  She looks like a real Bitch.  Her implants don't look good without clothes.   She is wearing too much makeup.  She is no centerfold. Yeah, I would do her, but I need to bag that face and keep the lights off."  

Really, I think some men are getting just as critical.  I never hear them put down their male counterparts in the same manner. For example, "Hey, look at X's big ass nose, stick legs, big gut, and damn, what's up with his flat ass butt.  He seriously needs to wear outfits that match or X's looks like a real no good SOB).  :S

They joke a bit about appearance with each other, but it's not the same as what I am hearing them say about women.


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## LoveMU (Feb 26, 2009)

^ So true!


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## kiss (Feb 26, 2009)

Because it's amusing when you have nothing better to do.


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## Pascal (Feb 26, 2009)

Women/ girls are jealous... Envy is an evil thing. When I see a girl that is really pretty and looks better then me I learned that she is who she is and I am who I am, we are all unique individuals. Some people are blessed with long legs and they dont have to work out, and others are born with short legs that need constant excerise to look good, thats just the way humans are, but nothing is impossible we can always change the way we look and the way we feel and the way we look at others too. Envy and jealousy and insecurity is all in bad character...


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## Fataliya (Feb 27, 2009)

Because we're insecure at times, and when that kicks in, we get petty.

I don't know any woman that doesn't have her bitchy nitpicky moments, including me.

I'm a people watcher. I'm constantly (ok, in my head) mentally noticing things on both men and women that I think look bad. Be it a muffin top, mismatched clothes.

I would never say anything out loud to hurt anyone, but yeah, I do it in my head.


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## Urbana (Feb 27, 2009)

i just dont do that. sometimes i feel like i dont care for anyone, but its just that i tolerate the rest of the ppl, cos i wouldnt like anyone to judge me, so i dont do it to the other ones...


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## xxAngelxx (Feb 27, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Fataliya* 

 
_Because we're insecure at times, and when that kicks in, we get petty.

I don't know any woman that doesn't have her bitchy nitpicky moments, including me.

I'm a people watcher. I'm constantly (ok, in my head) mentally noticing things on both men and women that I think look bad. Be it a muffin top, mismatched clothes.

I would never say anything out loud to hurt anyone, but yeah, I do it in my head._

 
I do the same. I think most people do. Just because I think some girl walks into Walmart looking like she literally belongs on a streetcorner does not mean I will say it out loud. We all have mean thoughts but that doesn't mean they should be spoken out loud.


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## GreekChick (Mar 2, 2009)

Here is an example of a blog dedicated to trashing our FOTD's

AS SEEN ON THE WEB

This woman has alot of hatred within her towards other women.
. This is precisely why I abstain from posting pictures on the internet.

And in fact, it quite saddens me.

Unbelievable isn't it?


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## Septemba (Mar 2, 2009)

There is something incredibly dark and puerile about these sites that are dedicated to ridiculing FOTDs.

If you have ever been made fun of or felt ugly or not good enough, you know how horrible that can feel, and to do that to other people like that is just unforgivable. 

It's just so full of hatred and misery.


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## enigmaticpheo (Mar 2, 2009)

In a way, I found that horrid site laughable. I certainly don't see the owner posting some incredible FotD. And for all the criticizing she does of other members of sites not having a life, she spends a whole lot of time documenting theirs. People like that will always be around, sadly they have persisted beyond the scale of evolution. But I don't want to spend more than two minutes talking about her, what a butt.


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## florabundance (Mar 2, 2009)

Seeking out other people's imperfections, particularly if you don't like them, serves two purposes: making us feel better about ourselves, and sort of congratulating yourelf in the relief that you are not like (whether physically, or in mannerisms) the person you dislike. 

It's weird...I'm guilty as hell of that. If I have a conflict with a person, i start to take notice of absolutely everything I dislike about them. From mannerisms, to what they wear, the way they do things. It's almost a subconscious thing, and i'm not proud of it, but surely it's a normal behavioural pattern?


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## LoveMU (Mar 2, 2009)

AS SEEN ON THE WEB

One work for that "PATHETIC" 

Omg, I can't imagine walking around with that much negative energy, what the hell is the point?


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## TISH1124 (Mar 2, 2009)

because people are sometimes....Cruel...Attention seekers....Have Low Self Esteem along with  Jealousy and Envy Issues


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## Lapis (Mar 2, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *GreekChick* 

 
_Here is an example of a blog dedicated to trashing our FOTD's

AS SEEN ON THE WEB

This woman has alot of hatred within her towards other women.
. This is precisely why I abstain from posting pictures on the internet.

And in fact, it quite saddens me.

Unbelievable isn't it?_

 
 Quote:

   Originally Posted by *enigmaticpheo* 

 
_In a way, I found that horrid site laughable. I certainly don't see the owner posting some incredible FotD. And for all the criticizing she does of other members of sites not having a life, she spends a whole lot of time documenting theirs. People like that will always be around, sadly they have persisted beyond the scale of evolution. But I don't want to spend more than two minutes talking about her, what a butt._

 

good lord she's slamming them but has screen captures etc, all of that takes time to do, how is she better?


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## luvsic (Mar 3, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *enigmaticpheo* 

 
_WTF MAN, YOU'S A DOUCHE GET AWAY D:<_

 
LOL that quote made me laugh so loud...

To answer the question of the OP, I think everyone else pretty much summed it up...women who are insecure instinctively feel the need to just tear down other women out of jealousy. Hey, I know I've had my fair share moments of being the woman who "talks" and I've grown aware of my behavior and now desire to change the way I perceive myself and others. I know now that if I am mostly happy with myself I won't feel the need to hate other womens' looks and lives...it's a hard thing to do sometimes, but there will always be another woman who is prettier, smarter, and just better than you at SOMETHING. We're all guilty of this one time or another (most of us at least!) but it's ok, we all have our insecurities from time to time, just as long as you don't let it take over your life...then things start to get really unhealthy.

My own jealousy of others tore me apart...it made me a terribly depressed and miserable person (no joke.) I hated other girls who were better than me, especially prettier than me, I hated other girls who got more attention to me. This is what my dad calls a "loser mentality", this jealousy and spitefulness of others, the need to constantly tear someone else down to make yourself feel better...and looking back now I realize how stupid I was to let other people who didn't give a rat's ass about me make me SO miserable. Don't let this happen to you...I will never go back to being the way I was, thinking the way I did, cause it really is poisonous when you are so insecure. 

Meh, I always go off on a tangent...  but I hope I got my point across.


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## Nicala (Mar 3, 2009)

1. Jealousy 2. Insecurity.
People feel the need to put down others just makes them more secure. It's ridiculous.


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