# Self Image Issues???



## Kels823 (Jun 27, 2006)

edited, nvmd


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## Shimmer (Jun 27, 2006)

Talk to your physician, and make sure you're not experiencing body dismorphic disorder...Good Luck.


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## farra712 (Jun 27, 2006)

I feel like this too, sometimes.  I will even bring my camera cause I feel like I might actually be able to capture a picture of me looking as cute as all my friends, and then I end up erasing all or most of the pictures when I get home because I decide that I am just not cute enough and I wouldn't want to remember myself as being not as cute as my friends.  My friends all have their own insecurities, but I sometimes just feel out of place.  I do think that when I get health insurance I will see a psychologist about trying to have a better relationship with my body and myself.  I think if it starts to interfere with life (which it seems like it might be doing to you) then you might see if you can talk to a professional as shimmer said.  It might be something that can be helped.


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## Wattage (Jun 27, 2006)

I think your experience is fairly universal - though this may be hard for you to believe, it is true. We all go through times when we feel bad about the way we look.

To set your mind at ease, I spend over 20 minutes on my makeup almost every day - I wake up early just to do it. I also spend up to 45 minutes on my hair before going out for special occasions, and at least 10 minutes on most other days of the week. Really, it can take me up to 2 hours to look great.

Just out of curiousity, I was wondering how old you are... I know that I felt very self-conscious about my appearance until my early 20s. Is it something particular that bothers you, a certain feature?

My true feeling, and knowledge from experiencing life, is that physical beauty is skin deep. I know it's cliche, but I feel that you "think" you're not attractive because you feel that way on the inside. When someone feels good about the person they are, it shines through and they are beautiful to everyone. Why compare yourself to your friends? It's comparing apples to oranges - different genes, different upbringing... there are no parallels. What you should be comparing yourself to is yourself - what you are and what you COULD be. Comparing yourself to others is completely self defeating; how can you win?

I understand your feelings, trust me. But I feel that for some reason you are deflecting more serious issues. Why are you so pre-occupied about your appearance? What's really going on? Can you talk to your friends? If not, perhaps it's time to cut those ties...

In a nutshell, you really need to examine why you are being so self critical. I imagine you are young, and if so, know that you are spending the most beautiful years of your life hating the way you look. When you are 50 or 60 you will look back with much more wisdom and wonder why oh why did I bring myself down so much?

Life is not about looking "cute", it's about accepting yourself, your short comings and working with what you have. When you can do these things, you just might be amazed at what you can be - and how beautiful you really are.

Hang in there...


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## Tyester (Jun 28, 2006)

Everytime I look in the mirror, I don't see my accomplishments.

All I see is a need for more, to be better, bigger, stronger, more defined, to bring this or that up, wondering why my bones have structered themselves so and why they couldn't have been better suited for more.

It's just something people have inside. And it's just one of the ends of the spectrum.


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## Kels823 (Jun 29, 2006)

Edited, nvmd.


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## Jennifer Mcfly (Jun 29, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *wattage* 
_Life is not about looking "cute", it's about accepting yourself, your short comings and working with what you have. When you can do these things, you just might be amazed at what you can be - and how beautiful you really are._

 
Right on Wattage, what you said is my mantra! I totally agree with this.
I posted a thread somehwhat similar a while ago about weight perception as individuals. Everyone feels the way you do at some point. So just know you are not alone in feeling the way you do.





http://www.specktra.net/showthread.php?t=47814


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## mzcelaneous (Jul 9, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *wattage* 
_I think your experience is fairly universal - though this may be hard for you to believe, it is true. We all go through times when we feel bad about the way we look.


Life is not about looking "cute", it's about accepting yourself, your short comings and working with what you have. When you can do these things, you just might be amazed at what you can be - and how beautiful you really are.
_

 
I cannot agree more. 

I used to have major self-esteem/self-worth issues. I hated everything about myself -- my physical appearance, my personality, my family, and my friends.  I used to pick at every little thing that I thought people would notice (the little hairs on my nose, my thunder thighs, or deformed-looking pinky toes). It was so bad, I became a self-mutilator (thus, my love for piercings & tattoos). But at one point, I had some sort of revelation...maybe it was after having my daughter or just taking the time to re-evaluate my life. Whatever it was, it taught me acceptance. What wattage said "life isn't about looking cute", I agree 100% (and some!). Realize that the media isn't all that it's hyped up to be, realize that your friends may even feel the same way you do, realize that we are all different and different does NOT mean bad. Maybe you still need some time to get to know yourself better & understand yourself. 

Once you overcome this hurdle in life (and you will 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




), you too will appreciate your self-worth. Just hang in there *hugs*


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## cno64 (Jul 10, 2006)

You didn't say how old you are, but my guess is that you're very young.
Well, take it from an old lady of 42:
YOU LOOK BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU DO! REALLY! I PROMISE!
If those friends with whom you compare yourself are giving and supportive, great. If they're saying and doing things to try to make you feel "inferior,' I recommend distancing yourself from them.
I say this because, when I was in my late teens/early 20s, I felt just awful about the way I looked. I'd get ready to go out, taking excrutiating pains with my clothes, hair, and makeup(Sound familiar?). Sometimes, I'd actually like what I saw in the mirror and think, "Surely, tonight nobody will say anything snide!"
But of course, I'd hear, "Well, C, you tried!" or, "C, I hope you're still on your diet!"( I was a friggin' size 9!).
Now I look at photos that were taken back then and realize that I was the prettiest one in the group, and the others were probably feeling threatened. I could just kick myself for all that time I spent crawling around apologizing for my looks instead of having a good time!
So take an honest look at YOU, and if you think you look good, you DO!


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## Shavwi (Jul 10, 2006)

I felt like that for years 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I'd suggest speaking to a phsychologist about it - it has helped me immensly. After years of feeling awful about myself I finally came to the realization that you just have to accept yourself and realize that everyone feels bad about themselves sometimes. It is a reachable goal, you just have to work at it


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## cno64 (Jul 10, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *wattage* 
_I think your experience is fairly universal - though this may be hard for you to believe, it is true. We all go through times when we feel bad about the way we look.

To set your mind at ease, I spend over 20 minutes on my makeup almost every day - I wake up early just to do it. I also spend up to 45 minutes on my hair before going out for special occasions, and at least 10 minutes on most other days of the week. Really, it can take me up to 2 hours to look great.

Just out of curiousity, I was wondering how old you are... I know that I felt very self-conscious about my appearance until my early 20s. Is it something particular that bothers you, a certain feature?

My true feeling, and knowledge from experiencing life, is that physical beauty is skin deep. I know it's cliche, but I feel that you "think" you're not attractive because you feel that way on the inside. When someone feels good about the person they are, it shines through and they are beautiful to everyone. Why compare yourself to your friends? It's comparing apples to oranges - different genes, different upbringing... there are no parallels. What you should be comparing yourself to is yourself - what you are and what you COULD be. Comparing yourself to others is completely self defeating; how can you win?

I understand your feelings, trust me. But I feel that for some reason you are deflecting more serious issues. Why are you so pre-occupied about your appearance? What's really going on? Can you talk to your friends? If not, perhaps it's time to cut those ties...

In a nutshell, you really need to examine why you are being so self critical. I imagine you are young, and if so, know that you are spending the most beautiful years of your life hating the way you look. When you are 50 or 60 you will look back with much more wisdom and wonder why oh why did I bring myself down so much?

Life is not about looking "cute", it's about accepting yourself, your short comings and working with what you have. When you can do these things, you just might be amazed at what you can be - and how beautiful you really are.

Hang in there..._

 
What she said! When I was in high school (I graduated in '82), I got jeered at for having "fat lips."
Now that full lips are "in," women pay big money for collagen injections,etc. in an effort to make their lips look MORE LIKE MINE!
And I also got teased about my round behind. Thank you, J-Lo, for making it "okay" to have curves!
My point is, your looks change, times change, and the very aspects you hate about your looks today may be the things you learn to appreciate most tomorrow.
It's hard, I know, but try to think of yourself as you would a dear friend. You wouldn't pick a dear friend apart, and fixate on her "flaws," I'm sure. You'd think, "Friend just looks like Friend, and to me that makes her beautiful, with her own special style."
You've got your own special style, too, so, as they say, work it!


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## Wattage (Jul 10, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *cno64* 
_Now I look at photos that were taken back then and realize that I was the prettiest one in the group, and the others were probably feeling threatened. I could just kick myself for all that time I spent crawling around apologizing for my looks instead of having a good time!
So take an honest look at YOU, and if you think you look good, you DO!_

 
I could not agree more. Honestly, I used to feel so crappy about myself because people told me I was ugly. A few years ago, my boyfriend (still my boyfriend now) said to me "You know they treat you like that 'cause they're jealous..." I was like "HUH!?" He goes " Think about it - you're really smart and you're hot!" It's funny because I never thought of myself that way... now I see it all the time. It's amazing what horrible things you will think about yourself because someone picks on you for it. For example, people used to make fun of me for being tall and skinny. So, I always hated that about myself... now I embrace it. I am proud to be tall and proud to be athletic.

Seriously, you gotta watch out for "Frenemies"... they will be the end of your self-esteem if you let them!!


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## user6 (Jul 10, 2006)

*Potentially long story*






   Ok, so, I just want to share this with you because you and I are the same age, and I don't think anyone our age should feel the way you are feeling.....and you know what? I've been there, just a quick history...

I am half mexican, half korean, I don't know my korean family at all, grew up with the mexican side. Well, my mexican family is from Spanish descendants, and so they're all pretty tall, light skinned, blue or green eyes, light colored hair, just pretty much beautiful people.....and I, well, I'm short, yellow skinned (asian), and well, just not like my family, and growing up I always felt inferior, because my eyes are brown, and slanted, I have freckles, my lips aren't as nicely shaped as everyone else's, my hair is thick, I listen to rock/alternative (considered white people music by my family), and I just couldn't seem to do anything right in their eyes....so that became my perception of myself as well.

 I hated myself for being so ugly, I buried myself in books to get away from my thoughts....I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, go out, phone calls, or stay after school....nothing!!

So I hated myself even more, for having such a shiny face, and small eyes, and fat hairy legs, and being so freakin' short! By the time I joined the Army, it was pretty much me feeling inferior again, all the 'popular' female soldiers were taller females with blonde hair, blue eyes, and well, pretty much the barbie looking ones, and I, well I didn't fit that description....so I became depressed, insomniac, and just, stressed, for reasons that I was making up myself!

Because I thought I was so ugly, because I felt I couldn't do anything right, because I felt so out of place! So finally one day I woke up and said to myself,'No More!'

I was tired of feeling horrible, I wanted to show everyone what they were passing up! So instead of focusing on my features that I thought were ugly or fat, I began to look for things that I liked about myself, like since I'm short, I can wear heels and be sexy, and not taller than my date, I can fix my small eyes by wearing eyeliner and making them look more open, i began styling my hair, but these are all superficial things, I think that most importantly, I began to live a healthy lifestyle, you know, exercising, eating right, and 3 meals a day(not starving myself like usual), and after a while, I began to lose weight, and feel confidence....not only that, running, I could think about whatever I want when I'm running, and sort things out in my head, then when I'm done, there's that feeling of accomplishment, and it's just so great to know that you're doing something healthy.

I began to glow (not with confidence) but with love, for myself. I came to accept that although I'm not the most beautiful person, I am the most beautiful person that I can be, and I love myself for that.

You need to look in the mirror like I did, and say, 'I'm young....I'm healthy....I'm smart....I'm beautiful, and I FEEL GOOD!!! You need to grab that self pity, worthlessness, and negative energy, pull it out, and kick it to the curb! You don't need it anymore, ask your family and friends to encourage and support you, and anyone who doesn't, or who puts you down is just jealous! and you don't need them! Find yourself, and you will love yourself.

Just a final thought, you know it wasn't until I began to believe in myself, and feel beautiful that I realized, not only did other people begin to see me as I saw myself, but other people always thought that I was beautiful, I was just too blind and busy feeling sorry for myself to see it.....open your eyes sweetie, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, now embrace it, and love yourself! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




I hope this helps, just remember you're not alone!


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## JunkaLunk (Jul 10, 2006)

wattage said:
			
		

> In a nutshell, you really need to examine why you are being so self critical. I imagine you are young, and if so, know that you are spending the most beautiful years of your life hating the way you look. When you are 50 or 60 you will look back with much more wisdom and wonder why oh why did I bring myself down so much?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## oulala (Jul 11, 2006)

I felt this way until I left high school and dumped the loser BF who made me feel like I always needed to change, and wasn't good enough. I battled an eating disorder for years and one day I woke up and said, Enough!

Strangely enough, it all changed one summer, and I can't really pinpoint why. I think it was a lot of different factors.

For one thing, I turned off the TV (never really been into it) and stopped wasting money on magazines. People are constantly venting why they think someone else is doing something wrong or looking the wrong way, ALL over the media, and when I was out with friends. I guess I managed to take a step back and think about things objectively. Exactly why would this person's opinion matter to me? Who's opinion is more important (to me) than my own? And what is it that I find beautiful, really?

I can appreciate physical beauty more than I ever have in my life... probably because I don't feel threatened by it anymore in others and can see it in myself. I don't associate with people who talk trash about others. Usually they have their own issues.

There is beauty in you. You might have to do some real soul searching and think about what is beautiful to YOU, but if you try, you will find it. And some people just aren't photogenic (myself included >_<). Don't beat yourself up over it if you're one of us unlucky ones!


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## oulala (Jul 11, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *cno64* 
_What she said! When I was in high school (I graduated in '82), I got jeered at for having "fat lips."
Now that full lips are "in," women pay big money for collagen injections,etc. in an effort to make their lips look MORE LIKE MINE!
And I also got teased about my round behind. Thank you, J-Lo, for making it "okay" to have curves!
My point is, your looks change, times change, and the very aspects you hate about your looks today may be the things you learn to appreciate most tomorrow.
It's hard, I know, but try to think of yourself as you would a dear friend. You wouldn't pick a dear friend apart, and fixate on her "flaws," I'm sure. You'd think, "Friend just looks like Friend, and to me that makes her beautiful, with her own special style."
You've got your own special style, too, so, as they say, work it!_

 
Too funny! I can relate. I HATED my wavy hair and destroyed it by frying it straight. I'd spend an hour a day on it because it was so thick. Now it's one of my favourite attributes.


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## maxcat (Jul 11, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Kels823* 
_(Please move this if its in the wrong thread, I apologize.)

Okay so I know I have self image issues.  I dont like the way I look, I over analyze every flaw, etc....

When I go out on the weekends (wherever: dinner, dancing), I put forth extra effort to look nice so I wont worry about how I look.  Ill spend 20+ minutes (which is ALOT imho) on my makeup, 20 on my hair and Ill pre-plan the outfit plus 3 backup outfits.  In a nutshell, I try my best to feel pretty.  

But when I get there...... or when I meet up with my friends (who are all ghorjus, they should all be models or something like it), I get immediately depressed.  Ive learned how to hide it well but I really want to just go home and give up.  Cuz no matter how hard I try to look cute, I never measure up to them.  And its not like Im a shallow or superficial person.  But you know how you like to look nice too? Well thats my issue. 

Now I am borderline manic depressive, and have a few more issues.  But does neone else go thru this or is it just me?? And if you have had this issue before, how have you overcome it?

TIA.... 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 
Been there... really, talk about this with your therapist b/c being OCD myself (recovering anorexic) the planning thing you do and then feeling horrible anyway triggered something very familiar with me... but honey DO NOT beat yourself up b/c as you can see by the number of fellow specktraette posts insecurity about how you look is actually pretty normal. 
Honestly, what worked for me on top of seeing a really great therapist was going back to school. It's not that you're superficial as a person - but you need to spend some time nurturing the inner you. The great thing about post secondary school that it isn't high school and we all choose to be there - and you meet people with similar interests because of what you signed up for. And it doesn't have to be economics or political science - are you good at art? Decent cook? Sign up for an art course. Learn how to change the oil on a car. Learn about sushi. Soul search what you're good at and what you'd like to be good at it and follow up on it. And just to echo previous advice - get up and go to bed at the same time. Avoid alcohol like the plague b/c it's a depressant. Eat three squares. Get 20 minutes of exercise every day. Your body won't take care of your brain if your brain doesn't care about your body.


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## dmolinet (Jul 11, 2006)

I'm 46----take it from someone with experience, everyone feels this way!!!!  We are so  blinded by the photoshopped-airbrushed pics we see, we don't even know what real people look like anymore!!  Bo Derek would probably only rate a 6 theses days.   Magazine covers are pointing out women's "baby bumps"  so often I can't imagine a celebrity leaving home without a hi-colonic.  BE PROUD of who you are--get out there and HAVE FUN!!!  I spent a couple of years thinking I was too old for this look or that makeup---but I woke my ass up!!!!!  If I'm breathing, I'm looking fine!!!!


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## bAbY_cHiCkEn01 (Jul 11, 2006)

I think its actually a defective gene that females seem to have... I don't think I've ever come across someone who isn't thinking the exact things about themselves... I used to feel like that terribly, I still do occasionally but it sorta comes along like PMS and such... I can pick EVERYTHING wrong with me, and it all came with being made fun of that I hated myself more (it got so bad that I hated myself something chronic and contemplated suicide over it) but everyone said I had a flat nose, yea Its a little flat but hey, I think my chin is non existant an ugly as hell, doesn't help thats where I get all my acne either, I have so many faults, the key thing is to pick up on things you love... for example I hate my chin but I LOVE my eyes, so I play them up every time with makeup (it's also nice as eyes can be played with more so than other features) Love your body as well, how many ladies can say they love say your butt! ME!!! I LOVEEEEEEE my butt and think its one of the best features on my body, its not overly big, its full of cellulite but I love it... Focus on loving things and you won't notice your flaws so much (It also helps to have a partner that loves to touch your body at all possible moments LOL) Seriously, its amazing what oving yourself can do for most things in your life... and DON'T be jealous... I have a friend whose utter gorgeous, has many many many friends, has a bf and basically the WORKS... but honestly, shes a bit of a screw up, gets drunk most weekends to ignore the pain etc etc and shes 22 (but thats another story) so it goes to show that no matter how pretty/ prefect you are, life can suck something chronic for ya, and no matter hwat you look like, you can fully love yourself, and with that others fully will as well...


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## bAbY_cHiCkEn01 (Jul 11, 2006)

Okay oops... a TAD long SORRY GUYS!!!


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## flowerhead (Jul 11, 2006)

All human faces have their flaws...nobody is completely symmetrical.

How do you know that you wouldn't feel like this if you were a supermodel? Without wanting to offend you or sounding like a cliche, your issues with yourself probably run a little deeper than your appearance; but it is the most obvious factor of how much you're 'worth' as people you don't know will only judge you on this, it's easy to think 'Nobody in this room likes me because I'm ugly' as appose to 'Nobody in this room likes me because I'm so withdrawn'

And as for putting on makeup to feel better, this doesn't make you at all abnormal or narcissistic, in a way it is quite therapeutic, almost everyone looks better with a little foundation or brow pencil.

Take care.


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## Kels823 (Jul 11, 2006)

editd, vnmd


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## Shimmer (Jul 11, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *medicredfearn* 
_






   Ok, so, I just want to share this with you because you and I are the same age, and I don't think anyone our age should feel the way you are feeling.....and you know what? I've been there, just a quick history...

I am half mexican, half korean, I don't know my korean family at all, grew up with the mexican side. Well, my mexican family is from Spanish descendants, and so they're all pretty tall, light skinned, blue or green eyes, light colored hair, just pretty much beautiful people.....and I, well, I'm short, yellow skinned (asian), and well, just not like my family, and growing up I always felt inferior, because my eyes are brown, and slanted, I have freckles, my lips aren't as nicely shaped as everyone else's, my hair is thick, I listen to rock/alternative (considered white people music by my family), and I just couldn't seem to do anything right in their eyes....so that became my perception of myself as well.

 I hated myself for being so ugly, I buried myself in books to get away from my thoughts....I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, go out, phone calls, or stay after school....nothing!!

So I hated myself even more, for having such a shiny face, and small eyes, and fat hairy legs, and being so freakin' short! By the time I joined the Army, it was pretty much me feeling inferior again, all the 'popular' female soldiers were taller females with blonde hair, blue eyes, and well, pretty much the barbie looking ones, and I, well I didn't fit that description....so I became depressed, insomniac, and just, stressed, for reasons that I was making up myself!

Because I thought I was so ugly, because I felt I couldn't do anything right, because I felt so out of place! So finally one day I woke up and said to myself,'No More!'

I was tired of feeling horrible, I wanted to show everyone what they were passing up! So instead of focusing on my features that I thought were ugly or fat, I began to look for things that I liked about myself, like since I'm short, I can wear heels and be sexy, and not taller than my date, I can fix my small eyes by wearing eyeliner and making them look more open, i began styling my hair, but these are all superficial things, I think that most importantly, I began to live a healthy lifestyle, you know, exercising, eating right, and 3 meals a day(not starving myself like usual), and after a while, I began to lose weight, and feel confidence....not only that, running, I could think about whatever I want when I'm running, and sort things out in my head, then when I'm done, there's that feeling of accomplishment, and it's just so great to know that you're doing something healthy.

I began to glow (not with confidence) but with love, for myself. I came to accept that although I'm not the most beautiful person, I am the most beautiful person that I can be, and I love myself for that.

You need to look in the mirror like I did, and say, 'I'm young....I'm healthy....I'm smart....I'm beautiful, and I FEEL GOOD!!! You need to grab that self pity, worthlessness, and negative energy, pull it out, and kick it to the curb! You don't need it anymore, ask your family and friends to encourage and support you, and anyone who doesn't, or who puts you down is just jealous! and you don't need them! Find yourself, and you will love yourself.

Just a final thought, you know it wasn't until I began to believe in myself, and feel beautiful that I realized, not only did other people begin to see me as I saw myself, but other people always thought that I was beautiful, I was just too blind and busy feeling sorry for myself to see it.....open your eyes sweetie, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, now embrace it, and love yourself! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




I hope this helps, just remember you're not alone!  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 
YES!!!








and..what's your MOS?


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## Wattage (Jul 11, 2006)

One thing I'd like to note about those mags and shows (cause I read Shape, InStyle and Elle, too) is that you have to realize that:

1. These people have the BEST everything IN THE WORLD. The best hair stylists, the best make-up artists, the best personal trainers, food, photographers, psychologists, plastic surgeons  - everything. Trust me, if you had that, you would look JUST as good.

2. Don't think for a minute that these people have not had some form of costmetic surgery or other procedure. I'd say the rate in Hollywood is about 90-95% of all actors and actresses.

3. When I look at these people, I don't envy them. Think about it. We all have imperfections. How many times have you seen Kirstee Alley's fat arse plastered all over a magazine cover or Eva Longoria's cellulite on the COVER of Star magazine. I know we are pressured to look good but it goes both ways. Things aren't as rosey as they seem. I would hate to live the way these people do, with cameras and nosey people in my face even when I did the simplest tasks, like grocery shopping. 

Remember to keep things in perspective. Maybe you need a break from the mags and TV but the reality is that you will be surrounded with it your entire life. If you can learn how to deal with it head-on, you will be better able to keep these images in perspective.


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## cno64 (Jul 11, 2006)

On "Frenemies:"  I wish it had not taken me 42 years and an almost fatal illness to realize that just because someone says, "I care so much about you; I am your true friend forever and ever," does not mean that it's TRUE" Actions really do speak louder than words. If someone says that he/she loves you but is constantly undermining you, that person is lying, and you should distance yourself, for your own emotional health.
You will find other people with whom to hang out, I promise.
It's far better to have one genuine friend than a whole squadron of harpies.


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## user6 (Jul 11, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *shimmer* 
_YES!!!








and..what's your MOS?_

 
lol, I'm a 91W!!! COMBAT MEDIC, HOOAH!!!! How about you?!


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## cno64 (Jul 11, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *dmolinet* 
_I'm 46----take it from someone with experience, everyone feels this way!!!!  We are so  blinded by the photoshopped-airbrushed pics we see, we don't even know what real people look like anymore!!  Bo Derek would probably only rate a 6 theses days.   Magazine covers are pointing out women's "baby bumps"  so often I can't imagine a celebrity leaving home without a hi-colonic.  BE PROUD of who you are--get out there and HAVE FUN!!!  I spent a couple of years thinking I was too old for this look or that makeup---but I woke my ass up!!!!!  If I'm breathing, I'm looking fine!!!!_

 
Sis-TER, can I relate!
LONG STORY WARNING: When I was about 35 years old, I started noticing that my previously oily hair looked like a wad of  dull,frizzy brunette straw. Incredibly, I even remember thinking, "This does NOT look like the hair of a healthy person!" Instead of getting a physical, which I had not done in a good 20 years, I wasted time and money on conditioning treatments, which had little effect. I found out  much later that I had kidney disease, which caused my blood pressure to skyrocket, resulting in a massive, nearly fatal cerebral hemorrhage when I was 36.
I spent 7 months in the hospital, even ending up in a nursing home for a while.
I'm still in a wheelchair, most of the time, but I have recovered to an amazing degree, and plan to keep right on going! My kidneys are fine, and my hair, though a bit thin(inherited tendency, my doctor tells me), is supple and glossy.
My point is (and I promise that there IS one!) that HEALTH is most important, not fashion, so make your health(spiritual, physical, emotional ) your top priority, and have FUN and wear what makes you feel good!
I do, and I guarantee you that Angelina Jolie and I don't even look like we're the same _species_!
My attitude has become, "If people don't like the way I look, they can find something else to look at!"


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## Wattage (Jul 11, 2006)

Wow - cno64, thank you for sharing that! Amazing... what an inspirational story.


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## Shimmer (Jul 11, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *medicredfearn* 
_lol, I'm a 91W!!! COMBAT MEDIC, HOOAH!!!! How about you?!_

 
91D...Surgical Assistant, HOOAH!! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



Formerly.


Though, as everyone knows, my whole family is army. I've got a tanker, a fueler, a korean linguist, and a chinese linguist in my immediate family, and my exhusband is 11C.


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## cno64 (Jul 12, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *wattage* 
_Wow - cno64, thank you for sharing that! Amazing... what an inspirational story.




_

 
I'm not trying to be inspirational; I'm just saying that I'm about as far from accepted standards of physical "beauty" as it is possible to get and still be alive, and I still wear nice clothes and high-end makeup and feel downright pretty sometimes, and I have FUN!
AND I have learned that if you're HEALTHY, you're going to look good!
If my experience helps someone else, fantastic.


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## cno64 (Jul 12, 2006)

Kels823 said:
			
		

> Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Reading this thread brought tears to my eyes..
> 
> Mzcelaneous – Youre right, I don’t know myself. Theres so much I have to learn.. so much I Don’t know or I dont understand.  Im trying to learn how to be patient w/ myself just like Im patient w/ everyone else.
> 
> ...


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## cno64 (Jul 12, 2006)

If you're wondering, "How does she keep going? Where does she find the strength to stay positive, and enjoy life in spite of being disabled?"
I have to give credit to Jesus Christ, Whom I've known personally since I was 13 years old. There's no way I could have made it through the past 5 years without Him. He's even better than MAC!


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## queen89087 (Jul 13, 2006)

I hate to post this because its all personal and stuff, but I think I should vent. :/

I know maybe EXACTLY, how you feel. I am the same way. I spend maybe 1 1/2 hours getting ready though. I look at myself one last time, feel fine with myself. Then I get in the car, look in the mirror, and BAM it hits me. I feel all unconfident and ugly. 
 Sometimes I feel my eyes are tiny bit cockeyed, so i ask my sister and mother if they are and they say NO your crazy! I asked my best friend a while back and she said No, why would you think that?! But I think they all just say that so they wont hurt my feelings.But, sometimes I think Im just fine, and crazy for thinking that! I just dont get myself. 
And sometimes I think my face is disporportionate.
And Im not even go with my body issues. Ugh, too many to talk about.
But I like how you brang this up, it lets me know Im not the only one


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## joytheobscure (Jul 13, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *cno64* 
_What she said! When I was in high school (I graduated in '82), I got jeered at for having "fat lips."
Now that full lips are "in," women pay big money for collagen injections,etc. in an effort to make their lips look MORE LIKE MINE!
And I also got teased about my round behind. Thank you, J-Lo, for making it "okay" to have curves!
My point is, your looks change, times change, and the very aspects you hate about your looks today may be the things you learn to appreciate most tomorrow.
It's hard, I know, but try to think of yourself as you would a dear friend. You wouldn't pick a dear friend apart, and fixate on her "flaws," I'm sure. You'd think, "Friend just looks like Friend, and to me that makes her beautiful, with her own special style."
You've got your own special style, too, so, as they say, work it!_

 
I graduated in 95, I got teased RELENTLESSLY in Junior high, I hated myself, I hated school and my classmates.  I was very introverted and shy anyways, to top it off, I was the thinnest **I really appreciated Kate Moss in those days, she made my figure popular*** person in my class of 14-I started wearing makeup daily in Junior high and haven't changed any.  To add to that when I moved in HS I was still just as shy, but I never thought I was "ugly" per se, but I never could see that anyone liked me or even if a guy hit on me I was blind to it, so I ended up being called "cold" or "unfriendly" -- I still shy away from groups of people... I wish I were one of those people blessed with that "bubbly cute confidence" lol.   I blame Junior High/High School for traumatizing millions of perfectly attractive people.   I'm having body image issues these days its that "late 20s image crises".  I totally agree that styles and what is cool changes though... I just seen a shirt in Old Navy that looks like something I banished from my closet years ago!


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## JULIA (Jul 25, 2006)

Sweetheart, what you're feeling is something I can definitely relate too.

I wake up an extra hour and a half earlier than necessary for school just so I can pick at my hair and makeup for even longer. I do not take pictures, order school pictures (I did not take Grade 8 graduation pictures) or allow my pictures to be placed out in the open for fear that someone will see all my flaws. I feel so disgusting around my friends (yet they're the ones who say that I'm very attractive). I obsess over models/famous females and get really critical about myself when I realize that I'm so "blah" compared to them. I can sit in a mirror for hours and hours and find all these flaws, yet when I pick them out to someone they say "you're crazy". I don't go out much and when I do, I never stay out for long. I don't really meet new people either because I'm so scared to know that they're judging me based on my looks. ='[

I just get really down when I realize that I'm not the typical skinny girl. I guess its because of the negative comments I've heard people say about me and it really hurts. I've convinced myself that being perfect is the only way to be and its really scary because I don't want to be that 50 year old women you see with millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery who still feels worthless on the inside.


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## pumpkincat210 (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *JULIA* 
_Sweetheart, what you're feeling is something I can definitely relate too.

I wake up an extra hour and a half earlier than necessary for school just so I can pick at my hair and makeup for even longer. I do not take pictures, order school pictures (I did not take Grade 8 graduation pictures) or allow my pictures to be placed out in the open for fear that someone will see all my flaws. I feel so disgusting around my friends (yet they're the ones who say that I'm very attractive). I obsess over models/famous females and get really critical about myself when I realize that I'm so "blah" compared to them. I can sit in a mirror for hours and hours and find all these flaws, yet when I pick them out to someone they say "you're crazy". I don't go out much and when I do, I never stay out for long. I don't really meet new people either because I'm so scared to know that they're judging me based on my looks. ='[

I just get really down when I realize that I'm not the typical skinny girl. I guess its because of the negative comments I've heard people say about me and it really hurts. I've convinced myself that being perfect is the only way to be and its really scary because I don't want to be that 50 year old women you see with millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery who still feels worthless on the inside._

 
Have you ever tried yoga? 
It really helps me relax and not worry about my physical appearance so much.  Of course I still have my moments, but it isn't something that stops me from getting on with my life.


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## JULIA (Jul 26, 2006)

I'd really like to get into Yoga. I'm a very stressed out person. I know it would help.


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## pumpkincat210 (Jul 26, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *JULIA* 
_I'd really like to get into Yoga. I'm a very stressed out person. I know it would help._

 
I got some books on it at the library first.  Its very relaxing!


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## JULIA (Jul 26, 2006)

Right on! Do you have DVDs to recommend?


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## dollbabybex (Jul 26, 2006)

ive phoned into work sick cos i feel like i look so ugly i cant leave the house

but on the other hand i have days were i think i look quite pretty.... wierd!

i also think i think i look much bigger than i am... cos i said id love to be as slim as a girl in my work... and everyone told me i was slimmer than her? i was so shocked cos i dont see it.

im only small... a uk size 8-10 (is that an american size 4-6 i think?) and even if i had kate moss's figure tommorow i'd prob still have a moan...... 


but a lot of my friends are like this too.

maybe its a girl thing?


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## capspock (Jul 26, 2006)

Look, I didn't read all the posts but I did read your first post. I had MANY issues before. I feel pretty good now, at 33, after years of therapy. Therapy does wonders. Try something more to the point like a behaviorist shrink. Don't you ever loose your time on Jungians and analyzing dreams and all that shit. 

A shrink can also help you with medication. It is not uncommon at all. When I first started going to a shrink I was so worried I was "crazy” or something like that. You have no idea of the amount of people you consider "normal" who go to a shrink and take medication. I take Prozac for years now.


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## capspock (Jul 26, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *dollbabybex* 
_
maybe its a girl thing?_

 
It is not a girl thing. It is a damn media thing, which imposed to young girls a whole bunch of BS. Oh, boy, this is such a lengthy subject!!!!


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## JULIA (Jul 26, 2006)

I agree with you capspock. I had esteem issues before, but then I started buying magazines and went on the internet more and I was suddenly bombarded with images of photoshopped, beautiful women. I was convinced that in order to be accept you had to look the way these girls did.


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## MAChostage (Jul 26, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *wattage* 
_Seriously, you gotta watch out for "Frenemies"... they will be the end of your self-esteem if you let them!!





_

 
"Frenemies"... WOW.  What a great term and such sage advice!


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## Bootyliciousx (Jul 26, 2006)

I have self esteem issue as well. I cannot leave the house without concealor or foundation on. I think you should not compare yourself, I know its hard, to your freinds or other people. God made you so you are beautiful = ) Does not matter what anyone else thinks. You are absolutely beautiful


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## Raerae (Jul 28, 2006)

Save a spot for me on the bus!  I hate my body too!

LOL

Sometimes I like reading these threads because the make you realise how silly things are... For a moment anyways...

My self esteem goes in rollercoasters...  Right now it's fairly low...  it used to be a lot higher.  I'm sure it will go up again.

I wish I had a stop watch that kept track of all the time I've spent in front of the mirror looking at myself wishing i looked like someone else.


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## joytheobscure (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *JULIA* 
_I agree with you capspock. I had esteem issues before, but then I started buying magazines and went on the internet more and I was suddenly bombarded with images of photoshopped, beautiful women. I was convinced that in order to be accept you had to look the way these girls did._

 
  Just watching TV nowadays though, but you'll see if you watch movies made in the 80s- early 90s before they were all perfected and women looked "real" and not all plastic and perfect its reassuring.  I also thought you needed to look like those girls but I even think if you do look closer to some of those girls you'll be shunned by women because you are attractive...Heck, I'm an adult and I still want to look like the girls in the magazines..


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## joytheobscure (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *JULIA* 
_Sweetheart, what you're feeling is something I can definitely relate too.

I wake up an extra hour and a half earlier than necessary for school just so I can pick at my hair and makeup for even longer. I do not take pictures, order school pictures (I did not take Grade 8 graduation pictures) or allow my pictures to be placed out in the open for fear that someone will see all my flaws. I feel so disgusting around my friends (yet they're the ones who say that I'm very attractive). I obsess over models/famous females and get really critical about myself when I realize that I'm so "blah" compared to them. I can sit in a mirror for hours and hours and find all these flaws, yet when I pick them out to someone they say "you're crazy". I don't go out much and when I do, I never stay out for long. I don't really meet new people either because I'm so scared to know that they're judging me based on my looks. ='[

I just get really down when I realize that I'm not the typical skinny girl. I guess its because of the negative comments I've heard people say about me and it really hurts. I've convinced myself that being perfect is the only way to be and its really scary because I don't want to be that 50 year old women you see with millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery who still feels worthless on the inside._

 
Aww, well I think personality plays into some of these issues too, I'm very reserved and shy and most people do not think I'm friendly until they really get to know me.  In HS people *guys*  called me "cold" or "ice woman"  --- It takes a lot for me to relax around "real people"  -I'm much more outgoing on the internet, lol! I don't like talking to people or even greeting them and don't make eyecontact with people (well, adults -  I am fine in a class with kids or up on a stage speaking to people...)  

I think one negative comment will impact you more than 100 compliments.  I haven't had many negative comments in a long time - an occasional comment about my teeth -. but I can stand that now. I still feel like I should be on extreme makeover but when I look at pics of me next to other people I can think I look better than them.   So its like I'm on both ends of the specktrum on what I feel about my looks... I was encouraged to take acting and modeling classes as as teen and told I looked like people on TV but I always felt like Shrek, LOL!!   Luckily being married for ten years alleviated some of my self esteem issues and trying to be a role model for young people helps.


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## Raerae (Jul 29, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *joytheobscure* 
_
I think one negative comment will impact you more than 100 compliments._

 
SOOOOOOO true, especially if it hits a part of your self image your sensitive about.


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## Katura (Aug 17, 2006)

This thread is great, it makes these feelings a little easier knowing and having evidence that everyone goes through this at some point or another...
Kels, I hope everything is getting better, we're always here for you girl!

<3


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## Katura (Aug 17, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *joytheobscure* 
_Aww, well I think personality plays into some of these issues too, I'm very reserved and shy and most people do not think I'm friendly until they really get to know me.  In HS people *guys*  called me "cold" or "ice woman"  --- It takes a lot for me to relax around "real people"  -I'm much more outgoing on the internet, lol! I don't like talking to people or even greeting them and don't make eyecontact with people (well, adults -  I am fine in a class with kids or up on a stage speaking to people...)  _

 

I know how this goes alll too well, I'm an observer and until I can 'read' people I get pretty quiet. I've been called everything under the sun from 'a b*tch' 'a snob' 'stuck up' and been told that I give dirty looks. I dont really think I give looks, I think I just look kind of serious alot of the time...But it took me forever to relax and let go in front of my boyfriends friends and my roommates last year. Even this past weekend, when I met my boyfriends mom for the first time (super important to me to try and make a good first impression) She told my boyfriend, right in front of me, that I talk with my eyes and wasnt giving very good looks.  I was mortified. A few minutes later, I guess he had talked to her and told her I was ridiculously shy and just quiet. She came back over and started chatting me up! By the end of the night I was perfectly sociable , having  a great time, a little tipsy from some maragritas..haha, and by the time we left I felt like she liked me.

I'm just slow to warm up to new situations and people I think...


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## Shimmer (Aug 17, 2006)

For me, as I've gotten older, and surrounded myself with people I love and who love me, the self image issues have shed away.
Thank goodness.


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## Kels823 (Aug 17, 2006)

editd, nvmd.


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## Shimmer (Aug 17, 2006)

sometimes we all need a breather.


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## MxAxC-_ATTACK (Aug 17, 2006)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Katura* 
_I know how this goes alll too well, I'm an observer and until I can 'read' people I get pretty quiet. I've been called everything under the sun from 'a b*tch' 'a snob' 'stuck up' and been told that I give dirty looks. I dont really think I give looks, I think I just look kind of serious alot of the time...But it took me forever to relax and let go in front of my boyfriends friends and my roommates last year. Even this past weekend, when I met my boyfriends mom for the first time (super important to me to try and make a good first impression) She told my boyfriend, right in front of me, that I talk with my eyes and wasnt giving very good looks.  I was mortified. A few minutes later, I guess he had talked to her and told her I was ridiculously shy and just quiet. She came back over and started chatting me up! By the end of the night I was perfectly sociable , having  a great time, a little tipsy from some maragritas..haha, and by the time we left I felt like she liked me.

I'm just slow to warm up to new situations and people I think...




_

 



Oh god,. Haha .. I am also VERY SHY at first, and my boyfriends mom has never been very nice to me because of it. 

I have a hard time looking people straight in the eyes when talking to them at first... and she was like 
"what the hell is wrong with you, why cant you look me in the eye.. are you Autistic or something!?"

I was SO ANGRY! LIke autism has ANYTHING to do with it. She doesnt even know what it is. and no im not autistic, and even if i was, she had no right to say it. 

I just have issues with being shy but im perfectly normal after a while if you dont make me feel like I shouldnt be saying a word ever, (like she still does after 4 and a half years)

but anyways.. she also has a way of making me feel terrible about myself.. I do have a little extra baggage(im not HUGE), And I am a brunette, which she pointed out to him once... and said he needed a Thinner Prettier blonde. One of his friends told me I was fat once too.. and i felt Terrible  I cried, because well I am a cry baby.. ..things are hard.


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## metal_romantic (May 3, 2009)

Time for me to join the club! (I thought I WAS the club...)
I feel awful reading some of these stories... but it is nice to know I am not alone. It's an old thread but I was considering posting something like this but was too embarrassed... so I will resurrect this instead- I'm sure it's still relevant.

I've always hated the way I look. Sometimes I cry when I look in the mirror because I hate my looks so much and I can't stand the thought of anyone seeing me. I feel so ashamed. I want to get better and accept myself but I don't know how to because I cannot seem to convince myself that I am not unattractive.


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## Tahti (May 3, 2009)

*hugs to everyone on this thread!..*

I'll join the club too. I totally over analyze all my features, criticize and compare all the time.. Strangely enough though I have no clear image of what I look like, sometimes when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror I get shocked at what I see there, because it looks like a stranger - a stranger I don't like. 

I don't like what I see in a reflection, and I don't like what I see 'inside'. Inside of me I can picture an image of my face at all, probably because without makeup I look so bland, and I see an overweight, short body. It's difficult because logically I -know- I'm not short, and I'm not overweight, but my mind thinks I am.

I never remember liking myself, all the way back to 6 and I remember looking at my friend and being sad because I wasn't beautiful and thin like her. The only time I ever feel comfortable is when I have a 'mask' of makeup up - when I paint a face on, it feels like I have something there.


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