# "nappy" vs. straight hair??



## MJsJesusjuice (Oct 24, 2009)

Okay, much ado has been made in the black community about should we wear our hair relaxed or natural...

Obviously, many have heard about "Good Hair" (which is not playing in my town, unfortunately). Good hair, as we should all know, is straighter hair, the type that reflects the sun and falls down your back.

I wear my hair natural. I had a perm (not a relaxer) from 7th grade to 12th grade and from Sept 2007 to present, I have been loving having my natural hair back. 

Why did I go back to basics? A lot of people, I guess, tend to associate natural hair on a black woman with radicalism, etc. While, I definitely have some radical in me LOL, there really is nothing like washing your own hair after so many years with a perm!!

So, I wanna just hear people's opinions on this issue.

For me, if I may add, I have an issue with people relaxing their hair and calling it more manageable. My sister wrote a paper on this. She said, "What gauges maneability?" I think that black women need to understand that manageable for a white, asian, or hispanic woman is NOT the same for a black woman. 

Also, can someone explain to me why you would give a relaxer to a young girl still in single digits? I had a friend whose mother put a relaxer on her hair when she was little girl; we were in the 7th grade and she could hardly put her hair in a ponytail with a THIN RUBBER BAND! 

I'm of the opinion that it is a woman's choice to do what she wants with her own follicles but don't lie about the reasons. I truly believe that black women get relaxers, weaves, etc. because they believe that black hair is not as pretty as "silkier" hair, since we are all inundated with images of what is beautiful from the mass media. Tit is unlikely to see our own faces in the mags, on TV, in movies, the way we are NATURALLY...

Am I wrong?


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## YesicaElana (Oct 24, 2009)

Sometimes natural doesn't mean convenient. It's a lot of work keeping natural hair maintained and sometimes its just easy to braid it all up and throw a weave on it. It's not about natural v. processed, it's about what looks good on an individual and what works. But keep in mind, scalp burns and balding are never stylish.


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## GlamQueen21 (Oct 25, 2009)

^Agreed. It's a lot of hard work to keep your hair maintained the way that you want it to be and sometimes it's not easy.


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## Jackie O (Oct 25, 2009)

Natural definitely does NOT mean convenient! I agree with these ladies above. A perfect example is when I went to basic training (I'm in the Army) I couldn't afford NOT to have a perm. You get up in the morning and you get about 15 minutes to shower, brush your teeth, and be ready for a work day. LITERALLY, every single day. Trying to comb out my hair and figure out what to do with it would've been impossible with the limited time we had. And without caring for my hair due to that, I probably would've either went bald, or my hair would've matted up really badly!


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## Lapis (Oct 25, 2009)

For some relaxer is more manageable, many black women have NO idea how to handle and style their natural hair, my mom, aunt and grandma have very soft thin hair, thanks to g-gma's mixed parentage, they didn't have a clue as to how to deal with their own hair further more mine (super thick, afro hair), my mom is 60+ and pays someone to braid her hair because she can't plait, braid, cornrow anything! Relaxing was the easy way out.

Hell I've had dreads 9 years, been natural 10+ and I STILL am learning my own hair, plus my dd's who's hair is thick like mine but TOTALLY different as to what it needs, I think lots of women really don't get what their hair needs, I mean I'm washing my dd's hair twice a week sometimes more, and growing up you heard we aren't supposed to wash our hair this much etc


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## Tashona Helena (Oct 25, 2009)

My mom permed my hair when I was under age 10.  I kinda wish she never did.  My hair is so damaged from the constant chemical usage I seriously feel like I need to go to a hair doctor.  I mean I could wear my real hair out, but why bother now.   She didn't like doing my hair because it was so "thick".  I feel like if my hair stayed natural I definitely would know how to manage it, especially with all the new advances in beauty today.


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## chocolategoddes (Oct 25, 2009)

To me, it doesn't matter if your hair is straight, curly, or "nappy"... hair can be beautiful if it's taken care of, healthy, and styled nicely.
My hair is at it's natural state of tight corkscrew curls, but I got it relaxed regularly from the ages of 7-12. Then my hair started to fall out and i had a bald patch on the back of my head. My hair has grown back since then, but it's very weak and it grows much slower than the hair surrounding it.

I honestly don't have an opinion on the whole "is wearing weaves and straightening hair "de-ethnicizing" (idk if that's even a word) issue... but I want to see Good Hair sooo bad! chris rock is one of my comedy idols!


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## SeaHen (Oct 25, 2009)

I was relaxed once at 7. My hair promptly fell out. two weeks later.

I have natural hair and my hair is very manageable, if i'm trying to get it to do something i don't want, then thats when i get into trouble. 
I have no qualms when people relax their hair. I truly don't care. Now if you talk ish about natural hair then i will have something to say.

I care more about the fact that i see children with no hairlines, and 2 teaspoons of hair because their parents  relax and then don't bother to take care of it. ( you need to care for relaxed hair, it needs regular  protein treatments and moisture treatments, porosity etc. Its not just wash and go)Then they add extensions on top of it! Why does a 2 year old need kinky twists or a 9 year old a weave???? Or a baby in a pram with a relaxer?? Its madness!

Plus people missuse relaxers. You don't  not need to perm your hair every 2 weeks.  Or every 4. Relaxers aren't even meant to get your hair bone straight. They are supposed to straighten it out some, but to get a truly straight look a rollerset/blow out/flat iron is supposed to do the rest.
By relaxing bone straight, you are breaking down the bonds of your hair to such a degree that it becomes too weak, fragile and thin. 

I think many  black women natural and relaxed have lost the art of caring for our hair. ( i can't be bothered, i'll throw on a wig /weave- not as a protective style- and then they neglect it)  that is the saddest thing of all. 

I'm sorry it may be a bit of a rant i just see so many  natty wigs weaves and extensions in my area.( i mean i love a good weave my self but why keep it in for 4 mon ths and not even comb it?)  It really gets to me. Seeing black women with healthy hair( or well kept realistic  extensions)  regardless of the state is a rare sight for me!


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## Morena.Doll (Oct 25, 2009)

To me it's all about a personal preference.
Some people prefer to get their hair permed and some people prefer to be natural. Just like some people prefer to wear weaves & wigs instead of their actual hair. 

"Good Hair" is simply healthy hair to me. I hate when the term is used in an ignorant way. I feel like you can't knock someone for doing what they want with THE HAIR ON THEIR HEAD. If they end up bald from overprocessing their hair, then that's them. If they are ashamed to wear their real hair because they feel like it's not good enough, then that's them & ETC.

At then of the day all African Americans do not have the same hair textures.
True some people may get perms because they want to "fit in" with society, but that is not the case for everyone..


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## j4lyphe (Oct 25, 2009)

I for one am glad that i grew up in Jamaica (the island) where it is natural and common place for girls to wear there hair natural...My mother kept my hair natural for all my life until I was 20 (2 yrs ago) I decided that I wanted a change and so I got a relaxer. My natural hair was VERY THICK and long and over the yrs I found ways to take care of my hair (once I started high school, my Mom passed the hair reigns over to me) bcuz I was a competitive swimmer in high school. Mind you I think natural hair was the way to go esp since I was a swimmer because most if not all of my friends who did have relaxers their hair started to thin out and break off bcuz of the chlorine....My relaxed hair is still THICK and even longer than before (so much so random ppl tug my hair to see if its a weave) but I believe thats because I didnt relax my hair bone stright...in fact after my very first relaxer I waited like 5 months to get it relaxed again and I had to Re-relax everything bcuz my hair had basically reverted back to its natural state LOL...I dont think my hair will ever be bone straight without a rollerset, blowout or flatirion. I jus think that most African American mothers put a relaxer in their daughter's hair way too young, I feel sorry for the little ones having to go through the scalp burning and burn spots at such a young age for no good reason other than the fact that their mothers are too lazy to deal with their hair
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



I relax my hair every 3-4 months and I let it air dry 99% of the time, I use my CHI flatiron maybe once during that time period lol Some women over- process their hair thats why it falls out, ur not supposed to be relaxing ur roots every 2 weeks, u need to give ur hair time to breathe and grow...
I think all hair is beautiful as long as its healthy, whether it be natural or relaxed. 
P.S. why are other black women so "bad mind" (Jamaican term), they're always giving me looks because of my hair (my friend and I get these looks all the time because we're black and have naturally long hair...tho she's Jamaican and Colombian and I'm Jamaican and Cuban we're obviously black LOL)


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## HeatherNicole (Oct 25, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *j4lyphe* 

 
_ I didnt relax my hair bone stright...in fact after my very first relaxer I waited like 5 months to get it relaxed again and I had to Re-relax everything bcuz my hair had basically reverted back to its natural state LOL...I dont think my hair will ever be bone straight without a rollerset, blowout or flatirion. I jus think that most African American mothers put a relaxer in their daughter's hair way too young,_

 
I totally relate to this. I'm 22, and come from mixed heritage, including african american and cuban.
My hair texture has cork screw curls at the root, and thick spiral curls at the tip. My hair was wavy and thin when I was little, and then at 2, I repeat TWO, my grandmother gave me a relaxer. First and foremost, my texture changed completely, and my mom has spent alot of time trying to nurse my hair back to health. Now, my routine is to relax it every ten - twelve weeks, and wear it straight (flat ironed) of naturally curly in that time. I've recently discovered Garneir Triple Nutrition, which has Shea Butter, Olive Oil, and Avacado. Which really brings out the curl from the bone straight relaxed ends I have. When I'm in a hurry and want "good hair" I go to a local dommican hair salon, and let them burn the hell out of my hair and me, and thus I have 'good hair'.
With all of that said, I'm learning my hair is good, as long as I learn to put whats good for my hair.
So i've laid off the domminican shops, and I don't pull my chi out as often, I wash it, and let it lay.


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## YesicaElana (Oct 25, 2009)

Oh my gosh, I don't think people mention this much anymore...but if you are of mixed heritage especially latin or native american...relaxers are THE worst. I guess because our hair is so soft, the relaxers just destroy it. You're better off suffering through the fires of hell in a Dominican salon.


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## iadoremac (Oct 25, 2009)

I'm african (grew up in W. Africa) my friend got her hair relaxed when she was 5 bc combing her natural hair was a constant struggle. I had my hair relaxed at 13 and have been wearing weaves for almost 10 yrs. Why? Because it is convenient, easier to manage and you can style your hair w/o the dangers of damaging it. Personally I do not think any type of hair is prettier, i like natural hair but i like to switch up my hair styles alot


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## User67 (Oct 25, 2009)

I am biracial, but both my parents who raised me are white (I'm adopted). So neither of them knew how to handle my hair, so they starting getting it relaxed when I was very young, probably around 7-8. I remember the first time my hair was relaxed that I had really bad burns all over my scalp. I don't remember losing any hair though. My hair has been relaxed ever since then, and it has always been strong , healthy & thick. I used to have really long hair & like some of the ladies mentioned above people used to ask me if I was wearing a weave. The past year I have cut it all off & love wearing it short. Sometimes I think about maybe shaving it down & going natural. But, I don't even know what my natural hair texture is like or if I could handle it. Right now I am just trying to deal with my daughter's hair. I don't know how to do braids or any of those cute little things that other black mothers do with their little girl's hair. So I have to depend on my DH family members to do it for me. But, I refuse to perm her hair. I want her to wear it natural for as long as possible & when she is old enough to care for her own hair, then we will discuss perming if that it something that she wants.


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## MJsJesusjuice (Oct 25, 2009)

very interesting perspectives, thank you!! 

When I had my perm (I hate to admit what it was, but it was a jheri curl LOL *dying of embarrassment*)--I don't know if anyone else has experienced this--I was thought of as "cute" and guys looked at me more. 

Now that my hair is natural (I coil it all over my head after washing and conditioning with orgainc shampoo from Whole Foods and using an all-natural fruit based gel called Lock It Up-->a great product btw), I don't get looked at as much. I don't have a problem with that, to be honest, but it definitely is different.... Has anyone else experienced that??

My own hair is "nappy" but it falls in Os and Ss and is very shiny. I think I probably have my dad's hair (he's biracial black mom/white dad). Maybe the chemical for curls aren't as harsh as relaxers because my hair never broke off LOL. 

I brought all of this up because I think there probably was a time when I WAS trying to erase my ethnicity (and you can see by my avatar that I'm black LOL). As ridiculous as it sounds NOW, I was saying I was *MIXED* because the curl I had was very natural-looking and not greasy at all. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




For shame... sometimes I think I wasn't alone in that thinking process; I think many black women still have antiquated notion of beauty and hair. I'm glad I don't think like that anymore...


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## Prototype83 (Oct 26, 2009)

I'm also West African and my natural hair is very coily.  I have been both relaxed and natural, both by force (my mother had my hair relaxed @ 6 and then chopped it off to start over at 8) and also by choice (as an adult).  Either way, it takes work and patience to keep up a healthy head of hair IMO.

I am currently relaxed, reason being that it's my current style choice.  It has nothing to do with wanting to fit in with European standards or easier styling.  I like the look of thick straight hair on myself right now, I like the versatility of my hair.  I'm not relaxed  completely bone straight so when it's washed and airdried I get mistaken for a natural...when it's pressed out, it's silky and I get weave checked lol!

ETA:  As for mothers relaxing their child's hair at a young age...I disagree with it.  When I was growing up, alot of the mothers in my neighborhood relaxed our hair for convenience...because it was easier to style and didn't get frizzy as often which meant that it didn't have to be redone often.  We were often banned from doing things like swimming in a pool, playing outside on a rainy day...anything that got our hair wet (basically anything fun lol!!).  Slowly, but surely our hair would break off due to the fact that no one knew how to maintain relaxed hair.  I remember before my first big chop, my mother took me to a salon to get a relaxer and the woman left it on for 1 1/2 hours because she forgot.  I had bald patches on my temples for years.  If I am blessed to have a daughter...I will not relax her hair.


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## gabi03 (Oct 26, 2009)

I love both my natural and relaxed hair. I didn't get a relaxer until I was 14 and then I let it go natural again since I swam competitively. Since it was always getting wet why bother even doing anything extensive to it. Then I ended up getting one at 20, then letting it go natural again and I just started getting relaxers about a year ago again. And now i'm on the path to going natural. Its a cycle with me and I just love the versatility of black hair. 

I do hate when people say that girls who choose to relax are not happy or satisfied with their natural hair. We aren't running from who we are nor do we feel as if "silky" hair is better. We all do different things to our hair because its what we choose to do, whether it be convenience, style choice preference or maybe that person does like silky straight hair better. No choice is wrong.


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## Lapis (Oct 26, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *j4lyphe* 

 
_P.S. why are other black women so "bad mind" (Jamaican term), they're always giving me looks because of my hair (my friend and I get these looks all the time because we're black and have naturally long hair...tho she's Jamaican and Colombian and I'm Jamaican and Cuban we're obviously black LOL)_

 
I don't think they can help it, it's like they are conditioned to think it has to be fake and if it's not they get pissed, a couple weeks ago this chick told another girl who complimented my hair I had a Erica Badu special 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



So I laughed my ass off and told her thanks, since my hair looked so good she thought it was fake, I've had ppl pull my dreads to see if they would come out all kinds of craziness


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## ShugAvery2001 (Oct 26, 2009)

I've been natural for 10 years plus and loc'd for the last 5 years. I LOVE my hair. That being said I have no problem with other women rocking perms weaves bald heads .. to me it's all about freedom of choice. If you like it I love it. My problem comes when people discriminate or "hate" on another because of their hair. and no one's exempt. in the loc'd community you're bound to catch judgment if your locs aren't tightly twisted (so your parts and scalp show) while myself.. I like a little thickness in my roots.  go figure

DO YOU!


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## IvyTrini (Oct 26, 2009)

I agree a lot of the comments that are stated here. I am currently transitioning back to natural.  I don't for one second miss my relaxed hair.  I have nothing against people who relax, wear weaves etc. but I have a problem with thinking that if you have kinky, nappy hair, its automatically 'bad' hair.  Thank God for my parents because they made me appreciate my dark skin and kinky hair.  As for relaxed hair being more manageable, I have to disagree.  I think whatever style you wear takes time.  I think we have spent decades as a society researching straight hair and how to make it work.  Between getting relaxers every 6 wks, then the Dominican blowouts every 2 wks and the wrapping every night, money spent on the hair products, for me it was very time consuming. I must admit that as a child, I did not know how to style and take care of my natural hair, and probably neither did most other kinky haired folks.  I have learnt a lot in the last 1.5 years researching natural hair.  I think if we put forth the same effort into natural hair as we do straight hair, we would be able to get over the good hair, bad hair phenom. 
But I'll tell you, as bad as people hold on to their relaxed, 'good' hair, I could never see myself with thin, see thru ends, broken edges and burnt scalp. No gracias!!!


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## Strawberrymold (Oct 26, 2009)

I go back and fourth. I love the way my hair looks when it is natural but getting it to look that way is such a battle. Unless I am getting dolled up I tend to be a very low maintanance girl. I don't like to spend a ton of time getting ready or fussing with my hair. I won't lie, when I flat iron it, it cuts my time getting ready in the morning nearly in half and I do enjoy that. Funny thing is though is that I never feel quite like myself when my hair is straight. All my friends and my BF love it and comment on it quite frequently (I very rarely ever straighten it so to them it is a big deal) but my mom never put relaxers in it when I was young and I have spent most of  my life wearing it natural. When it's straight I just feel different, I can't stop messing with it and it never feels quite like my own. I remember when I was little and my mom used to brush it out (which took hours mind you, because my hair has always been pretty long) my scalp used to burn and be so sore and I used to wish it was just straight and I didn't have to go through all the pain of having it brushed out or braided. Sometimes on those days when I have a nasty tangle or my hair just won't do as it's told I think back to being that little girl. But I have grown up and now realize that it's just the way I was made. I could wish for straight "good" hair but then I would be wishing to give away a piece of myself and where I come from, and this would only ever happen over my dead body. I dunno. I suppose no one is ever happy with their own hair, it's just the way God makes us.


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## blazeno.8 (Oct 26, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_I had a perm (not a relaxer) from 7th grade to 12th grade and from Sept 2007 to present, I have been loving having my natural hair back. _

 
1) A "perm" is justs a chemical tretment that alters the hair permenantly.  A relaxer is a type of perm.

 Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_For me, if I may add, I have an issue with people relaxing their hair and calling it more manageable. My sister wrote a paper on this. She said, "What gauges maneability?" I think that black women need to understand that manageable for a white, asian, or hispanic woman is NOT the same for a black woman. _

 
2) Yeah, I relax my hair and say it's more managable.  Especially for my lifestyle (constantly doing research, barely time to keep up the way I look).  It takes a whole lot more time for me deal with my hair when it's natural than when it's relaxed.  I'm not going to say that I don't like the result of relaxed hair because that's not true.  I like it, but I will also do things like put my hair in pincurls and braid it when it's wet to get curls back if I want.

 Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_Also, can someone explain to me why you would give a relaxer to a young girl still in single digits? I had a friend whose mother put a relaxer on her hair when she was little girl; we were in the 7th grade and she could hardly put her hair in a ponytail with a THIN RUBBER BAND! _

 
3) My hair was straightened when I was little (with a hot comb, not relaxer).  Still a form of altering the appearance of it.  Sometimes it was for presentation, most of the times it was so that we could do our own hair without needing assistance from my mom (god forbid my uncle get to a head of hair, it was a survival skill to be able to do it ourselves).

 Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_I'm of the opinion that it is a woman's choice to do what she wants with her own follicles but don't lie about the reasons. I truly believe that black women get relaxers, weaves, etc. because they believe that black hair is not as pretty as "silkier" hair, since we are all inundated with images of what is beautiful from the mass media. Tit is unlikely to see our own faces in the mags, on TV, in movies, the way we are NATURALLY..._

 
4)  If you're of the opinion that it's a woman's own choice, why do you care about why she does it?  It's ok, to help someone make an informed decision about what they're going to do with their hair if they ask for help, but it seems that there are a whole lot of assumptions that come with it that are unfair to the other side.  No one in my community who influenced my decision to take care of my hair a certain way talks about "good hair" vs "bad hair", so I don't even know where that's coming from.

 Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_Am I wrong? 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			



_

 
5) Yes.  I think that natural hair is as pretty as if not more interesting than straight hair.  I have for years been fascinated with ways of representing the texture in visual art and have come somewhat close to a stylized version of it, but never been able to replicate it.  I tend to find things that I can't replicate very beautiful in their complexity.  If anything I am more concerned about concealing the natural color of my hair moreso than the natural texture.


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## lafemmenoir (Oct 26, 2009)

I tried to not respond to this thread, but this has to be said.  I feel that more women are concerned about what's on my head than what's happening in mine and theirs. I truly thought good hair/bad hair days were over and we learned textures (i.e. 3a, 4b) etc.  We make a bit of progress getting beyond light skin v. dark skin and now it's natural or relaxed, weaved, etc.  Why is what I wonder?  I am the same person with or without hair, and why do we feel we have to authenticate our Afrocentricity by how we wear our hair?  Notice it's not other cultures defining "us" but our own.  Why?  Do other cultures identify their love of self by their hair?  There are too many variables to try to say relaxed hair = brainwashed.  I have been black with natural, relaxed, texlaxed, braids, etc. and have not lost sight of who looks back at me and who I am in my eyes each day.  SMH @ this never ending debate.  I guess wearing makeup is brainwashing since it's not "natural"?


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## HeavenLeiBlu (Oct 27, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *YesicaElana* 

 
_Sometimes natural doesn't mean convenient. It's a lot of work keeping natural hair maintained and sometimes its just easy to braid it all up and throw a weave on it. It's not about natural v. processed, it's about what looks good on an individual and what works. But keep in mind, scalp burns and balding are never stylish._

 
I think the issue of convenience is relative. I spent exponentially more time, effort and money trying to maintain relaxed hair, to no avail.


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## HeavenLeiBlu (Oct 27, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Lapis* 

 
_For some relaxer is more manageable, many black women have NO idea how to handle and style their natural hair, my mom, aunt and grandma have very soft thin hair, thanks to g-gma's mixed parentage, they didn't have a clue as to how to deal with their own hair further more mine (super thick, afro hair), my mom is 60+ and pays someone to braid her hair because she can't plait, braid, cornrow anything! Relaxing was the easy way out.

Hell I've had dreads 9 years, been natural 10+ and I STILL am learning my own hair, plus my dd's who's hair is thick like mine but TOTALLY different as to what it needs, I think lots of women really don't get what their hair needs, I mean I'm washing my dd's hair twice a week sometimes more, and growing up you heard we aren't supposed to wash our hair this much etc_

 



I couldn't agree more. I think that if women (all ethnicities and textures) took the time to really learn their ( and their daughters') hair, I mean really took the time to lean basic things about hair in general, and what naturally sprouts from their heads, all this easy/convenient talk would be a non existent talking point. Lots of time, we're spending time fighting against what our hair wants to/is meant to do, and spending a lot of time damaging it in the process. 

In my opinion, the real nitty gritty of out hair issues is aesthetics. It just doesn't look like we want it to look. If we would all just admit that, a lot of debate about straight vs nappy would be silenced. Who can argue with anyone about what they want something to LOOK like?  And with that in mind, I'll now pick up my 10 foot pole and distance myself from the "permies wanna be white" aspect of the discussion. That's a real circle jerk, right there.

I know relaxers are not for *my* hair, nor is heat styling. While highly textured and thick, my strands are very fine and I don't care what relaxer you can rattle off, it's still too harsh for *my* hair, and heat styling damages my hair just as badly. If I wanted some straight hair, I'd go buy some ( which is what I did in the past). Now my daughter, different story. Her hair is just as thick as mine, but textured differently, and it's coarse. There will be no relaxers in her hair until she can legally vote, and I doubt she'll bother then. However, I do allow her to straighten periodically, and her hair blows out like  a dream; she looks like she stepped out of a Pantene commercial, but in both our opinions, her natural texture is way easier to manage. All she has to do is spritz her hair in the morning, put some product on her ends, shake her head and go on about her day.

At the end of the day, I favor natural hair regardless of texture, (and I don't consider regularly heat styled hair natural, but again, that's another circle jerkin' topic). I really don't care what another ADULT woman is doing to her hair, unless it looks obviously bad and/or unhealthy. I'm more concerned when I see a child, especially one who hasn't reached middle school age, with her hair already eaten away by relaxers, because her mother thinks is "easier to maintain"(this goes for little girls with tightly braided extensions, or extensions way past their expiration date).
Other than that, do what makes you feel and look good, but don't be an ostrich, ignoring easy to research facts about the damage we as a group seem to be all too willing to do to our hair.


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## Lapis (Oct 27, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *ShugAvery2001* 

 
_I've been natural for 10 years plus and loc'd for the last 5 years. I LOVE my hair. That being said I have no problem with other women rocking perms weaves bald heads .. to me it's all about freedom of choice. If you like it I love it. My problem comes when people discriminate or "hate" on another because of their hair. and no one's exempt.* in the loc'd community you're bound to catch judgment if your locs aren't tightly twisted (so your parts and scalp show*) while myself.. I like a little thickness in my roots.  go figure

DO YOU!_

 
Really?
My bil and his wife never tighten, and I don't do it much either, I can't be palm rolling every week 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 but then my roots rarely show in public anyway I have silk scarves that cover them most of the time wen I leave home


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## Lauren1981 (Oct 27, 2009)

good topin 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




i personally do it just because i like relaxers. i relax my hair on average about every 8 weeks or so. i don't wear weaves. i wore micros for about 3-4 years straight and i loved them but in '06 i started getting tired of them. mainly because the last couple of years of me wearing them i did it because i went and cut all the old perm out of my head. so i cut off like 5-6 inches and then wore the braids to grow that natural hair back out. plus i wanted to just look at and wash my own hair. also, i was dating this ugly ass man and he made a comment to me one day on the phone when i said i was getting sick of the braids and wanted to wear my own hair. he got all hype and was like "no! keep them. you *need* to keep them in your hair". i'm thinking "i don't NEED to do shit!". and it wasn't like he felt like i looked good with them it was that he was paranoid of what i looked like without long hair and with my real hair you know? that kind of opened my eyes to him... needless to say within the week the micros were in the trash along with him. lol!

i think it's just personal preference. i don't think we can judge those who wear it and for what. yes, i do think some females that I KNOW wear weaves and get relaxers for deeper reason pertaining more to race issues but not everyone does those things for those same reasons, ya know? i havent' worn any weave since i took those braids out back in '06 and have no urge to put any back in. mainly because that stuff was too high maintenance, even when i washed it, it just had this different smell to it, it shed a lot, sometimes i'd be out and a braid would fall out (that shit was actually funny to me. periodically i'd find one in my car or in the parking lot to my apartment), and i lived with my parents for a a big chunk of that time and i remember my dad telling me i was f*cking up his vacuum with all the shedding and whenever he vacuumed the air smelled like smoke and weed. ha!!
yeah, i've had enough of weaves. even though i feel a lot of women look good with it, there's just nothing alluring about it to me anymore.
but a mild relaxer??? yes. lol! i just like them and always will. when i stretch relaxers i get my hair blown out by my dominican lady. it's just what i like for me.


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## Jackie O (Oct 27, 2009)

HOLLA to all my West African Sistahs here 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




my father is from Lagos, Nigeria.

my hair is rediculously thick. and I mean I guess you can consider it curly. I have no problem using the word nappy, because that's what it is lmao I kid you not, I have yet to see anyone with hair that has a similiar texture to mine, and it can be difficult to manage, especially daily. but it's beautiful in it's natural state and I wouldn't trade my hair for anything in the world! my hair is built Ford tough haha 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




p.s. to the young lady who's grandmother permed her hair at two, wow, I could never ever imagine, hair at that young so delicate, poor baby


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## Lauren1981 (Oct 27, 2009)

^^ ur eyes are gorgeous. totally off subject, i know. lol


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## aizya (Oct 27, 2009)

I think that this "Good Hair" movie was done to make ALL women question the way they present themselves..and what they believe is true beauty. I don't think its fair to knock on natural OR relaxed hair. Chris Rock was not trying to say Natural-Good and relaxer=bad..he simply says to do what you want for YOU. We are different and have the choice to have different hairstyles. I personally have had a relaxer for a while now. I didn't get it very young..my mother managed my hair for as long as possible..I wore braids from before I could walk..lol..But soon..my mother couldn't put a comb through my hair..including the Hot comb..I haven't experienced chemical burns or loss of hair...In fact my hair has been growing long and thick. And a relaxer is more convient for ME..we all have different lives. A relaxer could be dangerous..but as long as my stylist knows what she's doing and my hair is still growing..i don't see what's the problem. I love that black women's hair is so versatile..we don't all have to be natural..Just because I have relaxer doesn't mean I hate my natural state..I just want my hair relaxed..Lots of people constantly dye their hair..and maybe its a little harmful..but they have a stylist that can apply it correctly..and it doesn't necessarily mean that they hate their natural color..We should use this as a first step in loving ourselves and each other NATURAL OR RELAXED! =) Good TOPIC =)


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## AdrianUT (Oct 28, 2009)

I'm technically "natural" but I flat iron most of the time. My hair is thick, curly and soft and relaxers only break it off. As a child I had long thick curls (beyond waist length) until I was relaxed by my mother at a pretty young age. My mom didn't know how to deal with my hair as my sisters is fairly different (it stayed braided, could be controlled with grease) so about 8 or so I was relaxed and had shorter hair and even seriously damaged hair by the time I was 13 or so. Also my skin is very sensitive so my scalp was damaged from the chemicals. I began only washing, conditioning, and flat ironing/pressing my hair as a teen and this seems to be the only way I can successfully grow my hair long. I was relaxed 1 time again maybe 5-6 years ago and my hair just can't handle it.  Growing out my hair and going natural was suck a challenge even though it was still straight, I was questioned often. People wanted to know why and how it's possible. I was even asked by one Aunt if I was a lesbian (which is ridiculous). 

 My sisters daughter is natural (she's 2) and I see my sisters frustration but, even when I give suggestions being that I do deal with my hair in it's natural state (which is similar), she seems so guarded and irritated at my suggestions.I fear she will relax her hair fairly young thinking of it as a time saver but, relaxing isn't a way for "care-free" hair maintanence it still takes work to look nice/ have healthy hair.


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## Jackie O (Oct 28, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Lauren1981* 

 
_^^ ur eyes are gorgeous. totally off subject, i know. lol_

 
thank you so much hun


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## shootout (Oct 28, 2009)

I hope I'm not out of place posting on this thread, and if I am, I'm sorry.
Despite being white (Irish and Polish), I have extremely thick and curly hair, bordering on nappy. Every woman in my family has thin, straight hair, so growing up my hair was never properly cared for.  My mom flat-ironed my hair everyday between the ages of 3-10. At 10 she decided she was tired of wasting time on it everyday, so she got it relaxed. I put up with relaxers every 6 weeks for 3 years, until I was finally allowed to make my own decisions regarding my hair. I got it all chopped off and started over, and I've left it natural since (with an occasional flat-ironing if it's really out of control, but this is rare). To this day my hair feels like plastic. I have scars on my scalp and the tops of my ears from the constant flat-ironing. 
I guess the point I'm trying to make is, while natural may not be the most convenient for some, without the proper care, relaxing takes its toll in the long run. So if you're going to relax, PLEASE care for your hair! I regret this everyday now.


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## ShugAvery2001 (Oct 28, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *shootout* 

 
_I hope I'm not out of place posting on this thread, and if I am, I'm sorry.
Despite being white (Irish and Polish), I have extremely thick and curly hair, bordering on nappy. Every woman in my family has thin, straight hair, so growing up my hair was never properly cared for.  My mom flat-ironed my hair everyday between the ages of 3-10. At 10 she decided she was tired of wasting time on it everyday, so she got it relaxed. I put up with relaxers every 6 weeks for 3 years, until I was finally allowed to make my own decisions regarding my hair. I got it all chopped off and started over, and I've left it natural since (with an occasional flat-ironing if it's really out of control, but this is rare). To this day my hair feels like plastic. I have scars on my scalp and the tops of my ears from the constant flat-ironing. 
I guess the point I'm trying to make is, while natural may not be the most convenient for some, without the proper care, relaxing takes its toll in the long run. So if you're going to relax, PLEASE care for your hair! I regret this everyday now._

 

Interesting perspective ... I think every ethnic racial group has it's own crazy standards women subject themselves too. I have alot of asian friends and some have actually had their eyelids done. We're all the same i tell ya


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## MJsJesusjuice (Oct 30, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *blazeno.8* 

 
_1) A "perm" is justs a chemical tretment that alters the hair permenantly. A relaxer is a type of perm.



2) Yeah, I relax my hair and say it's more managable. Especially for my lifestyle (constantly doing research, barely time to keep up the way I look). It takes a whole lot more time for me deal with my hair when it's natural than when it's relaxed. I'm not going to say that I don't like the result of relaxed hair because that's not true. I like it, but I will also do things like put my hair in pincurls and braid it when it's wet to get curls back if I want.



3) My hair was straightened when I was little (with a hot comb, not relaxer). Still a form of altering the appearance of it. Sometimes it was for presentation, most of the times it was so that we could do our own hair without needing assistance from my mom (god forbid my uncle get to a head of hair, it was a survival skill to be able to do it ourselves).



4) If you're of the opinion that it's a woman's own choice, why do you care about why she does it? It's ok, to help someone make an informed decision about what they're going to do with their hair if they ask for help, but it seems that there are a whole lot of assumptions that come with it that are unfair to the other side. No one in my community who influenced my decision to take care of my hair a certain way talks about "good hair" vs "bad hair", so I don't even know where that's coming from.



5) Yes. I think that natural hair is as pretty as if not more interesting than straight hair. I have for years been fascinated with ways of representing the texture in visual art and have come somewhat close to a stylized version of it, but never been able to replicate it. I tend to find things that I can't replicate very beautiful in their complexity. If anything I am more concerned about concealing the natural color of my hair moreso than the natural texture._

 

Lots of hostility LOL...

Anyway, my issue is not with black women straightening their hair (and btw, I am aware of what amounts to a perm and so on. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 ). 

My issue is with the denial of the psychological elements of black women thinking that straight hair=mangeability, beauty, fame, etc. I think many blk women are too afraid to deal with the real issue.

I know it seems like a bait-and-switch to start a thread by saying I'm okay with whatever a woman wants to do and then project my own contradictory opinions, but so be it, I guess... 

I understand about manageability from a relaxer but that only matters when you are constantly fussing with the way you look. I don't believe for one moment that relaxers are for the faint of heart and the lazy. Nope, I don't believe it! 

I think my current style is VERY manageable. My sister parts my hair in sections all over and fingercoils my hair with water and an all-natural gel. I do this once every 3 weeks, sometimes four. I'm too low maintenance for a relaxer; there obviously is a myth that relaxers, hot combs, even curls--which I had--are low maintenance when they aren't.

What gauges low maintenance btw? How about manageability? My current style is both and then some. 

I am not going to lie and say that I haven't "wondered" what it would be like to get my hair straightened. The last time my hair was straightened with heat was when I was in 4th grade. I thought my hair was shiny (already is when its in its natural state as well), bouncy, and gorgeous! 

What I realized from that was a form of self-hatred: I felt more beautiful with straight hair then the twists that my mother usually did. I believe this is where the problem lies for many black women, but they are just afraid to admit the truth.

I am of the opinion that black women wear weaves and such becuase they think European hair is more beautiful. To each her own, I suppose? Well, I hope not! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




If we stay on manageability, what is so wrong with having a style that shows the natural African texture? Why not locks, braids, coils, twists, braidouts, etc.? Why weaves, flat irons, and relaxers? I think the aforementioned black styles are jsut as good.

"Good hair" vs. "bad hair" as a phrase may seem outdated blazay blah, but where it is coming from--the term, that is--is from a higher consciousness in what I have experienced, and what is still a sad reality. 

There is nothing wrong with diversity in black woman's hairstyles, but it is a sad thing that black women are so disconnected from their natural hair that htey cannot even deal with it without it being straightened first. No one else has that issue...

And why? Because the media images do not contain black women rocking natural textures and natural styles. Ironically enough, in TV ads black women only have natural styles; the unfortunate part is that these black women wearing the natural styles are mixed, biracial, etc. So what we have here is competing media messages about being beautiful a la "insert fair beauty du jour" and being natural. 

It is an unfortunate thing that the local black beauty salon looks like the chemistry lab at my university. It shouldn't be that way. 

Go ahead and straighten and relax, sista, but don't sit there and type that concealing your hair color is worst than concealing hair texture. Sorry, but LOL...


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## shontay07108 (Oct 31, 2009)

Um, I have plenty of my own hair. I have been getting a relaxer since around the age of ten or so. I have always worn my natural hair (w/o extensions) for most of my life, with few exceptions. That is until 4 years ago. I started wearing half wigs. it was just a funky experiment b/c I chopped my hair off and when it was in that awkward growing back phase, I wanted to play with other things. 

I haven't looked back since. I love the way my extension looks on ME. That is beautiful to me. I wear curly ones, straight ones, with highlights and without. I am proud to be black and wearing a hairpiece has NOTHING to do with any European standard of beauty for me. i am tired of people looking at me and assuming that is why I wear my piece (when they find out it's a piece b/c people always think it's mine. I have no problem saying it's not). People assume I'm bald and that's why I wear it. WRONG! I wear it b/c I tried it and loved it. 

If you want to rock you own hair that's relaxed or in it's natural state, that's up to you, but I am tired of being accused of being brainwashed by the media and society. It makes me angry. Don't push your idea of beauty on me and I will do the same. 

There is a level of maintenance involved, but it's nothing I can't handle. I relax my own hair at home every 4 to 6 weeks. I keep my hair shiny and clean and my hairpiece takes 5 minutes to throw on. It's a routine that I like and that makes me look and feel the way I want. It's no different from me wearing my hair another way. We all have our cross to bear. 

This is it for me and I will leave this topic. I stumbled upon it accidentally, but I couldn''t help but speak my mind b/c this irks me. I don't have any less of a soul b/c I rock "horse hair".


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## blazeno.8 (Oct 31, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_Lots of hostility LOL...

Anyway, my issue is not with black women straightening their hair (and btw, I am aware of what amounts to a perm and so on. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 ). 

My issue is with the denial of the psychological elements of black women thinking that straight hair=mangeability, beauty, fame, etc. I think many blk women are too afraid to deal with the real issue.

I know it seems like a bait-and-switch to start a thread by saying I'm okay with whatever a woman wants to do and then project my own contradictory opinions, but so be it, I guess... 

I understand about manageability from a relaxer but that only matters when you are constantly fussing with the way you look. I don't believe for one moment that relaxers are for the faint of heart and the lazy. Nope, I don't believe it! 

I think my current style is VERY manageable. My sister parts my hair in sections all over and fingercoils my hair with water and an all-natural gel. I do this once every 3 weeks, sometimes four. I'm too low maintenance for a relaxer; there obviously is a myth that relaxers, hot combs, even curls--which I had--are low maintenance when they aren't.

What gauges low maintenance btw? How about manageability? My current style is both and then some. 

I am not going to lie and say that I haven't "wondered" what it would be like to get my hair straightened. The last time my hair was straightened with heat was when I was in 4th grade. I thought my hair was shiny (already is when its in its natural state as well), bouncy, and gorgeous! 

What I realized from that was a form of self-hatred: I felt more beautiful with straight hair then the twists that my mother usually did. I believe this is where the problem lies for many black women, but they are just afraid to admit the truth.

I am of the opinion that black women wear weaves and such becuase they think European hair is more beautiful. To each her own, I suppose? Well, I hope not! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




If we stay on manageability, what is so wrong with having a style that shows the natural African texture? Why not locks, braids, coils, twists, braidouts, etc.? Why weaves, flat irons, and relaxers? I think the aforementioned black styles are jsut as good.

"Good hair" vs. "bad hair" as a phrase may seem outdated blazay blah, but where it is coming from--the term, that is--is from a higher consciousness in what I have experienced, and what is still a sad reality. 

There is nothing wrong with diversity in black woman's hairstyles, but it is a sad thing that black women are so disconnected from their natural hair that htey cannot even deal with it without it being straightened first. No one else has that issue...

And why? Because the media images do not contain black women rocking natural textures and natural styles. Ironically enough, in TV ads black women only have natural styles; the unfortunate part is that these black women wearing the natural styles are mixed, biracial, etc. So what we have here is competing media messages about being beautiful a la "insert fair beauty du jour" and being natural. 

It is an unfortunate thing that the local black beauty salon looks like the chemistry lab at my university. It shouldn't be that way. 

Go ahead and straighten and relax, sista, but don't sit there and type that concealing your hair color is worst than concealing hair texture. Sorry, but LOL..._

 
Maybe if you sense hostility it comes from your attempt to teach me (and other people who straighten their hair) what I'm really thinking.  I know what I think and don't need you to attempt to get me to come clean so to speak.  Lol all you want, maybe it's because you just have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that not all people have some form of self hate behind their style choices.  I think that if you read the post of some of the ladies above, you would see that your statement regarding ability to manage one's hair only after straightening being a woc issue is only part of the hair straightening story.  This texture issue is something that transcends race.
Also, I never said that changing hair color is worse than changing texture.  I just said I'm more concerned about it.  I never put anything on a scale that values changing hair color as "better" or "worse" than changing the texture.  I don't know how you got that meaning out of it.


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## RiCh_N_PrEtTy (Oct 31, 2009)

Nothing wrong with Perming hair. At least to me. I've thought about going natural but... maybe in the future not right now.


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## snkatha (Oct 31, 2009)

I live in kenya and we don't relax to fit in with european standards but because it's so humid and hot here that really a relaxer makes combing hair fast. I got my first relaxer when i was 14 after battling with my mom. I am not very good with hair, my natural hair is very soft and curly however i prefer to braid it and weave it. I hate combing hair and styling it so it's easier just shake and go


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## Miss*Tress (Nov 12, 2009)

Hello, I'm new, but I just had to add my two cents worth: I spend far less time and money on my hair since growing out the relaxer and becoming natural. I have found the whole experience to be liberating.


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## BKTrinVincy (Nov 12, 2009)

Im natural but I love fake hair.. I usually wear wigs and maintain my hair underneath


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## Nepenthe (Nov 12, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_Okay, much ado has been made in the black community about should we wear our hair relaxed or natural...

Obviously, many have heard about "Good Hair" (which is not playing in my town, unfortunately). Good hair, as we should all know, is straighter hair, the type that reflects the sun and falls down your back.

I wear my hair natural. I had a perm (not a relaxer) from 7th grade to 12th grade and from Sept 2007 to present, I have been loving having my natural hair back. 

Why did I go back to basics? A lot of people, I guess, tend to associate natural hair on a black woman with radicalism, etc. While, I definitely have some radical in me LOL, there really is nothing like washing your own hair after so many years with a perm!!

So, I wanna just hear people's opinions on this issue.

For me, if I may add, I have an issue with people relaxing their hair and calling it more manageable. My sister wrote a paper on this. She said, "What gauges maneability?" I think that black women need to understand that manageable for a white, asian, or hispanic woman is NOT the same for a black woman. 

Also, can someone explain to me why you would give a relaxer to a young girl still in single digits? I had a friend whose mother put a relaxer on her hair when she was little girl; we were in the 7th grade and she could hardly put her hair in a ponytail with a THIN RUBBER BAND! 

I'm of the opinion that it is a woman's choice to do what she wants with her own follicles but don't lie about the reasons. I truly believe that black women get relaxers, weaves, etc. because they believe that black hair is not as pretty as "silkier" hair, since we are all inundated with images of what is beautiful from the mass media. Tit is unlikely to see our own faces in the mags, on TV, in movies, the way we are NATURALLY...

Am I wrong? 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			



_

 
I think it's safe to say that there are some people that are dealing with self-hate issues.. but not all.  Generalizing is what makes this topic so contraversial, because regardless of what "you think" it doesn't mean that your one size fits all thought pattern applies to everyone.

It's only been in the past 3-4 years that I've reached an understanding with my hair.  I've always loved it, but I never knew what to do with it.. since I grew up being the only biracial child in the family.  I was relaxed for years, and in hindsight it definitely did a number on my hair.. though I didn't notice it much at the time.  I transitioned from relaxed to natural without doing the big chop, which was interesting.. but since the last of the relaxed hair has grown out, I don't have a desire to relax it again.  If money were no object, I might try a weave out of curiousity.. but by and large I'm very happy and comfortable with my curls.

When it comes down to it, the single most important aspect of this whole debate is choice.  When I was younger I felt like I didn't have a choice.. but now when I see my neice and her beautiful curls, I know that she's got more options, and hopefully she'll grow up loving her hair.. maybe switching things up because of style preferences, rather than feeling it's a necessity or to fit in.

Great topic.


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## K_ashanti (Nov 13, 2009)

relaxed or natural short or long weave or real hair! don't matter to me cuz i had it all but dreads(i'm working towards that one day) i prefer my hair very short and relaxed, i just like that way cuz i think it look the best for my face, i might see a women with a long weave and love it on her or dreads and love that or afro and love that look to, i don't think that relaxing your hair is brainwashing becuz white women chemically alter their hair too i know of several who get mild relaxers, i think all ways that black women wear our hair  beautiful, many styles such as weaves, extentions etc start with us and some how diffuse into the mainstream, just the fact that we call do so much to our hair id beautiful i'm soo tired of the many divides b/w black women we have so many other problem, at the end  the day its just hair


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## Tashona Helena (Nov 14, 2009)

I read my post again and man I must've been tired because it doesn't make a lot of sense.  But basically, I'm ok with knowing what to do to take care of my natural hair now.  I used to think I could just put anything in my hair (like hardcore styling wax, and leave it in there for days..wtf that was a no no), and not really take care of it.  I dunno, it's like I just struggled with it.  Then I started wearing clip-in extensions.  

But one day I sat down and was like, ok, my (natural) hair looks like shit, feels like shit, who am I kidding?  So I go into lace front wigs, stopped relaxing it every month/month half.  

I haven't had a relaxer in MONTHS.  Like really I can't remember the last time I had one and I'm PROUD of my self.  But sometimes I get those feelings like, why should I even bother with my real hair, I should keep rocking these wigs.  But underneath I just know I don't always want to wear these, even though they are a big part of how I express myself and who I am.  And not to mention convenient.  Right now I have an indian remy lace front wig and my hair is cornrowed under it and topped off with Morning Glory Growth protectant.  I've been using MG for months now and my natural hair is transforming.  I'm like where has this shit been, but honestly  it's like where has my head been.  I should've been up on taking care of my natural hair years ago. :-/


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## ICandi (Nov 18, 2009)

Meh...to me going natural would take way more time to manage. I'm in the military so I don't have a bunch of time to fool with my hair on a day to day basis. It's so much easier to brush my hair back and put it in a bun than to fight with my hair (its thick). I just make sure that I keep heat to a bare minimum, make sure its properly moisturized, and I ensure that my ends are clipped.


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## Sundae (Nov 18, 2009)

^^ why would natural hair take more time than relaxed hair. Each type can take little time or lots of time to style depending on what you want to achieve.

for me, having my hair relaxed was really time consuming whether doing it at home or at the salon. The time I got out no body really saw my lovely style anyway. 

I've been natural for 6 years now and I can honestly say it was the best decision I've made to keep it that way. I've found it really low-mentainance (most of the time) and once I found what worked for my hair it's really a piece of cake.

I've actually shaved off my hair now so it's even more easier than before and I love it. I don't have to wrap,spritz roll, straighten, blow dry or do anything else for that matter lol. just brush and go. 

But even when my hair was longer I used to brush my hair with a little water on top and put a du rag on top and that was it. Left the house without even having to do my hair at all.

So it really is up to you how much time and money you want to dedicate to your hair. it can be as hard or as easy as you want!


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## DigitalRain (Nov 18, 2009)

I am just tired of relaxing. I have 4b hair with some 4a at the crown. I have gotten to the point where relaxing every 6-8 weeks has gotten old. My hair grows fast, so by the 3rd week I already have newgrowth and it doesnt look like I never relaxed in the first place. Im growing out the relaxer and will be using the flat iron and warm comb press for when I want to be straight.


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## ICandi (Nov 18, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Sundae* 

 
_^^ why would natural hair take more time than relaxed hair. Each type can take little time or lots of time to style depending on what you want to achieve.

for me, having my hair relaxed was really time consuming whether doing it at home or at the salon. The time I got out no body really saw my lovely style anyway. 

I've been natural for 6 years now and I can honestly say it was the best decision I've made to keep it that way. I've found it really low-mentainance (most of the time) and once I found what worked for my hair it's really a piece of cake.

I've actually shaved off my hair now so it's even more easier than before and I love it. I don't have to wrap,spritz roll, straighten, blow dry or do anything else for that matter lol. just brush and go. 

But even when my hair was longer I used to brush my hair with a little water on top and put a du rag on top and that was it. Left the house without even having to do my hair at all.

So it really is up to you how much time and money you want to dedicate to your hair. it can be as hard or as easy as you want!_

 
It's not only the fact that it takes less time but when I'm in field conditions sometimes I can't do anything to my hair for a number of days at a time. My natural hair is so thick to the point where if it gets wet it would look like a lion's mane. My relaxed hair is soo much easier to deal with since if it gets wet it will dry straight which makes it easier to deal with. To each her own but I love my hair relaxed.


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## Sundae (Nov 19, 2009)

Cool hun, it's really up to you how you style it  

I was just saying that no matter what type of hair you have, you can make it as hard or easy for you. I know when my hair was longer I used to try to make my hair do certain things. It was harder to control and made me frustrated. But once I stopped doing certain things and just did things it liked and could do then it was just easy. Please don't get me wrong, I've had terrible hair days too believe me lol but I've had a lot more good hair days, permed and natural.


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## Hannaleh (Nov 19, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *BKTrinVincy* 

 
_Im natural but I love fake hair.. I usually wear wigs and maintain my hair underneath_

 
The same here. Plus, my wigs are alternatives to scarves for purpose of head covering : I'm orthodox Jewish.


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## HeavenLeiBlu (Nov 22, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *ICandi* 

 
_It's not only the fact that it takes less time but when I'm in field conditions sometimes I can't do anything to my hair for a number of days at a time. My natural hair is so thick to the point where if it gets wet it would look like a lion's mane. My relaxed hair is soo much easier to deal with since if it gets wet it will dry straight which makes it easier to deal with. To each her own but I love my hair relaxed._

 
To each her own indeed, but I find that people with the "easier to deal with" argument usually just don't know HOW do deal with their natural texture, and that's what makes it harder. Not making any judgments, because we all ain't able. If we were (and willing), salons wouldn't exist. I'm not trying to convert you, just stating a pretty frequent observation.


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## ICandi (Nov 22, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *HeavenLeiBlu* 

 
_To each her own indeed, but I find that people with the "easier to deal with" argument usually just don't know HOW do deal with their natural texture, and that's what makes it harder. Not making any judgments, because we all ain't able. If we were (and willing), salons wouldn't exist. I'm not trying to convert you, just stating a pretty frequent observation._

 
huh? lol! If a relaxer didn't exist then I would make it work one way or another but since relaxers are available to me and I like the way they make my hair feel I use them. I don't have a problem with "virgin" hair but that's just not me. If relaxers didn't exist I would find a way to make my hair managable regardless...but a relaxer is my way of doing it. My hair is healthy and well taken care of so I have no complaints. My mother relaxed my hair when I was younger and it's been relaxed every since.


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## ClaireAvril (Nov 22, 2009)

anyone transitioning??


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## MACandie2012 (Nov 22, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MJsJesusjuice* 

 
_ 
Also, can someone explain to me why you would give a relaxer to a young girl still in single digits? I had a friend whose mother put a relaxer on her hair when she was little girl; we were in the 7th grade and she could hardly put her hair in a ponytail with a THIN RUBBER BAND! 
_

 
I got my first relaxer when I was 5 years old. My hair is super thick though and my hair isn't damaged, and I've been getting them for 14 years. I don't think age matters. It just depends on the person's hair and how knappy their hair is, in which mine is EXTREMELY knappy. I could DEFINITELY NEVER stop getting one.

HTH.


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## medixon (Nov 22, 2009)

I love both natural and relaxed hair, for different reasons. I love how natural hair has just automatic body to it. You don't have to tease it or use alot of product to get the drama that you want. But I also like relaxed hair because of the area I live in. It's very humid and as soon as I walk out the door it seems like my natural hair frizzes up and my relaxed hair just stays the same (I'm stretching my relaxer).
I was relaxed when I was 5 years old because my mother had two girls with naturally thick, extremely tiny corkscrew curls. I'd have to get my hair pressed all the time and I would whine and move non stop while she was doing it. So it helped, I had less burns than with the pressing comb and not as many tears when she had to detangle. I do wish that she would have left my hair natural a little bit longer so that I would know how to quickly and properly detangle my natural hair, because spending about an hour detangling my natural hair is just ridiculous!  
I also love touching my tiny curls, I find them just so cute!


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## Cinammonkisses (Nov 22, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *HeavenLeiBlu* 

 
_To each her own indeed, but I find that people with the "easier to deal with" argument usually just don't know HOW do deal with their natural texture, and that's what makes it harder. Not making any judgments, because we all ain't able. If we were (and willing), salons wouldn't exist. I'm not trying to convert you, just stating a pretty frequent observation._

 
So true indeed. I mean really, how many of you females have grown up being told that your' hair was nappy, or unmanageable? Don't lie..

You're groomed at a young age that at some point you will be pretty with some long straight hair. Straight hair is beautiful, it is carefree, it is manageable. 

I mean really, it's one thing if you were actually taking care of your natural hair at a young age then yes you would be able to gauge the actual texture of your hair. But, for most of us that just wasn't the case. So really, all you really have memories of is being told your hair was kinky, dry, nappy, etc while having it pulled out by a too small comb.

p.s. au natural for 7 years now!


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## na_pink (Nov 22, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MACandie2012* 

 
_I got my first relaxer when I was 5 years old. My hair is super thick though and my hair isn't damaged, and I've been getting them for 14 years. I don't think age matters. It just depends on the person's hair and how knappy their hair is, in which mine is EXTREMELY knappy. I could DEFINITELY NEVER stop getting one.

HTH. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 
Hmm yea you could ... You just dont want to lol


Anyways to the op . Just because you were not comfortable with your nappy self before does not mean every woman that relaxes is not comfortable either. I mean ... right now it seems like you're still off about the entire thing ... because you noted that you don't get looked at as much before ....

Also why did you find the need to tell us the state of your father's ethnic background ? Good hair bad hair mentality ?

My honest opinion is yes .. some women rely on their hair too much to give them a specific look. I never really understood the bs European mentality thing that people go on about. I would personally never want my hair to grow straight from my scalp ... It isnt me . 
But then some women just relax because they find it easier to maintain their hair. And for the people that say , oh you can natural hair the same way ... Let's face it. If you have nappy as rah hair .. like 4z nappy .. all over ... its not going to be easier to maintain. Some people do not have the patience nor the time to deal with that type of hair. It's prone to tangles and dryness which in the end may just lead to damage and what seems like slow hair growth. 
Other people just like to throw their hair up in a pony and go ... Im sure with type 4 hair .. unless you have major length , throwing hair in a pony without a brush isnt the easiest thing to do

So if you want to judge relaxers / perms and natural hair .. judge yourself and not other people because everyone has a reason for doing specific things and in the end .. it's their hair .. not yours.


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## openexpression (Nov 23, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *ClaireAvril* 

 
_anyone transitioning??_

 
I am! I'm scared as hell...but I want my curls back! My mom got a relaxer put in my head when I was 6. She was sending me away for a month to visit my aunts and they did not know how to comb hair...they said my hair was "too thick." She put the relaxer in but has regretted it ever since...she tried to convince me as a teenager to cut it off to the new growth but I was always too scared. My face is too full for short hair. Now, I have come to the realization that I am ready to go natural but I still can't bring myself to "BC" so I am transitioning.  I am praying for patience and strength b/c my hair is extremely thick and New Orleans is hot and humid!


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## Lapis (Nov 23, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MACandie2012* 

 
_I got my first relaxer when I was 5 years old. My hair is super thick though and my hair isn't damaged, and I've been getting them for 14 years. I don't think age matters. It just depends on the person's hair and how knappy their hair is, in which mine is EXTREMELY knappy. I could DEFINITELY NEVER stop getting one.

HTH. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 

I'm going to disagree on the age issue
It should be illegal to relax any child's under age 10 hair, it's horrible the amount of 5 year olds I see with hairlines that are simply decimated from chemicals.
The napp of the hair is only part of the equation, the scalp is also a factor, many kids can't take a relaxer for the time needed and it burns them, nope leave the baby's hair


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## HeavenLeiBlu (Nov 23, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *ICandi* 

 
_huh? lol! If a relaxer didn't exist then I would make it work one way or another but since relaxers are available to me and I like the way they make my hair feel I use them. I don't have a problem with "virgin" hair but that's just not me. If relaxers didn't exist I would find a way to make my hair managable regardless...but a relaxer is my way of doing it. My hair is healthy and well taken care of so I have no complaints. My mother relaxed my hair when I was younger and it's been relaxed every since._

 



I'm not sure what you're not clear on?

What I was trying to say was form what *I* have observed, people (not just women, because I know dads that do their daughters' hair) who make the claim  that relaxed hair is "easier" are usually ignorant of the tools and techniques that make caring for highly textured hair easy, or are just impatient - which yes, points to what you stated... if relaxers didn't exist, you'd have no choice but to take the time/learn techniques, etc. 

 I'll again state as I said in earlier post that I spent way more time and effort caring for my relaxed hair, or at least creating the illusion of "healthy" relaxed hair.


As for my second point: "We all ain't able"; I mean that I understand that we all aren't capable of the same level of upkeep, regardless of the tools  we have, or techniques that other people are adept at. For example, I can't cornrow like my mother can to save my life... so instead of cornrowing my daughter's hair all crazily, I let someone else do it, or I braided it in the way that *I'm* good at, which is small, individual plaits or microbraids. I think everyone should be able to do the basics on their (and their children's) hair, but again, everybody ain't able! Otherwise, the salon industry wouldn't exist, and so many people wouldn't be walking around with hot steaming messes on their heads. 


I just feel like the concept of relaxed or straight hair being "easier" is a way of begging off personal impatience/limited skill at the least, and a cop-out  for just saying that they don't WANT to bother with at at all at the most. Most relaxed women wouldn't know for sure one way or the other, because they've never dealt with a full head and full length their own virgin texture for any amount of time that they would be able for fairly assess as much, and don't even know what a full head of their virgin hair (as an adult, I wouldn't dare try to compare a child's styling options to an adult's) is like, for that matter.

In any case, I don't have to do your hair or pay for it's care, so do you, which is what you'll do anyway!


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## HeavenLeiBlu (Nov 23, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *openexpression* 

 
_ My face is too full for short hair._

 




that's BULL!! LOL. I have worn my hair bald.... yes BALD several times, and not only do I have a full face, but a big ass head. AND I LOOKED GOOD, TOO! And I didn't need all the compliments I got to tell me so! LOL.


No, but seriously if you don't feel comfy with short hair...I can't begrudge you that, but there are plenty of chicas with full faces that can rock short  hair.


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## DigitalRain (Nov 23, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *ClaireAvril* 

 
_anyone transitioning??_

 
I am!! 9 weeks post.


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## macfabulous (Nov 23, 2009)

i think that most people who relax their hair do it for 'managability' lol, some just prefer straight hair, i myself am mixed (half black, half white) and i always had super long, super soft curly hair. and then i decided to relax it, just for the sake of it and it made my hair drop out (so does hair dye by the way 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 ) so i had to chop all my hair off and grow it back, thank God my hair grows fast and now i always let my hair air dry, and once every 6 weeks i have it, trimmed, blowdryed and straightened and i NEVER put any chemicals on it at all. lol


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## lilMAClady (Nov 23, 2009)

As far as I'm concerned its much more manageable to be natural. Why would God give Black women and Black women only hair that needed to be processesd and obsessed over? I'm natural and its fluff and go. I agree with the intitial post. Do what you want with your hair but be honest about the reason. Where I'm from people want that straight sh*t cuz they think it makes them better and more acceptable. Untrue. You're still black. Other races are making a mint off the insecurities of Black women and I think its a shame. My hair is curly, nappy, beautiful and natural. I would never have it any other way. If I had a penny for every time a Black girl came up to me and said "OOOh I LOVE your hair!! But I could never wear mine like that. Its not me!" What does that mean?? We are not supposed to look like other people because we are ALL DIFFERENT!! It pisses me off really. People look at me like I'm crazy because I'm comfortable in my own skin, and they aren't. I went swimming with my sister and cousin and one refused to go under because she had just got her hair pressed and the other wouldn't get in for fear of losing her tracks. Yet they told me my locs were more maintainence...I think not!


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## lafemmenoir (Nov 23, 2009)

Why does it matter what/how other people do their hair?  All races do something to change their hair from its natural origin.  Albeit chemical, color, texturize, weaves, wigs or extensions.  This argument about the why people straighten or are natural is personal choice.  No one, definitely not me, has to defend what they do and when people say why they do it, why argue with them.  It's not that serious.  Black women aren't the only ones who straighten their hair, just turn to Youtube and see how many woman of other races are straightening their 1,2,3 a/b hair and comparing the level of heat of CHI vs GHD et al.  So what if a sister wants straight hair, she is never going to be anyone other than herself.  Live and let live, don't like it, don't look, but getting preachy over hair?  Really?


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## metalkitty (Nov 23, 2009)

lafemmenoir's post sums up my general thoughts pretty much. Looking at women and beauty at large is seems as though we tend to want what doesn't come easilly or naturally... but life doesn't come easy and natural lol!
Manageability is debateable. I'm adjusting to rocking my natural and after a second tragic flat iron attempt today (3 hours battling tangled ends, trimming meticulously, twisting up) reminds me that working with the texture beats fighting it. Or I just need to work on technique... 
I think it's really bad to put relaxer on a child though, glad my mom didn't. Even if the hair stays healthy the scalp is a whole nother story!


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## munaluna (Nov 23, 2009)

Gag, I chopped off all of my hair in the beginning of January because my hair was so screwed up by constant relaxers and hair dye disasters. My hair was natural before when I was fourteen, so I already knew what my hair was going to look like; all-in-all, I am happy that I did it. It was a hard transition, but it had to be done. Relaxers would cost me $150 +tip every few months. Not to mention that they always left big scabs all over my scalp. There was a constant need to take care of my hair and I honestly got sick and tired of it. My hair went from this:






to this:





My hair was unhealthy/damaged. And honestly, I see a lot more unhealthy relaxed heads than healthy oneS. Good hair is healthy hair. 

I was bald at the beginning of this year and it took a lot of loving and research to get to the point where I am today. I had to learn to love my hair. There is nothing wrong with kinky/curly hair. When I first chopped off my hair, my edges were thin and patchy. There was no curl pattern and my hair looked limp. Look at the patches and spaced out parts near my hairline






Anyway, I'm biased. I think that we, Black women, look better with natural fros. But when it all comes down to it, good hair is healthy hair.


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## divineflygirl (Nov 24, 2009)

_I'm 100% natural. I began to transition from relaxed to natural in May 2008. I simply trimmed the relaxed ends as my hair grew. I did wear kinky twists for a few months as well.  I have had my hair relaxed from a very young age, because my mother couldn't manage my hair. I've gone the gamut...curls, leisure curls, relaxers, weaves(sew-in and glue-in), braids, etc... I have done alot of crap to my hair. I haven't treated it well at all, but it hasn't failed me yet!

Since, I made the decision to go natural I have been so very happy with my hair. No, my hair is not silky or fine textured. In fact, my hair soaks up moisture like nobody's business. If not properly "fed", I can have a dry, frazzled mess on my hands! *L* I have fallen in love with my hair. It amazes me every day, whether frustrating me because the curls won't hold from the twist-out that I was sure was going to be amazing in the morning to the days when I don't really do much and I get compliments everywhere I turn.

I haven't gotten really any negative feedback, just a few, when are you going to get a relaxer. Which, my answer is, "I'm not." Or why are you letting your hair grow. Which my answer is, "Because it's absolutely beautiful or because I got sick and tired of being in a salon for over six hours or I was tired of literally fearing the "burn" of getting a relaxer." I could go into a host of reasons that I do think I will get a relaxer again.

I don't really have much of an opinion of relaxers. I know for sure that they are not for me. They were killing my hair. Even the few times, when I had a wonderful hair dresser who do a perfect application of my relaxer, my hair was still just not "right" to me. It would grow but in a few months, I would notice breakage. Plus I wasn't one to keep a regular schedule getting a relaxer and would relax maybe one to three times a year at the most. My family consists of four women: My mother is relaxed, my younger sister and i have both gone natural, and my other sister has some of the most beautiful dreads I have ever seen. We all have different textures of hair. My mother has beautiful thick hair that she will forever relax and thinks we are crazy for not relaxing ours! *L* My younger sister truly doesn't need a relaxer. She has a fine texture, and just gets soft waves for new growth. I have kinky, kinky hair! And my other sister has about the same texture as my younger but long, long dreads now. To look at the women in my family, is simply a way to appreciate the differences in the nature of the tresses in our world.

I will never be one to say that it is easy. I think many women have touched upon that on here. There are times when I'm like...what in the H&*^ am I going to do with my hair today? I'm become a product junkie. I've become a product chemist. I've also vowed to teach my daughter that her hair is absolutely beautiful the way it is and there is no need to process it. (which is an entirely different story..little girls are crazy. *L*) It's never, ever boring!

My hair is "soft like cotton, flower petal billowy soft.." to quote Happy to Be Nappy! I love just touching it sometimes. I find myself just sitting and twirling ringlets in the back strands of my hair. *L*

Yes..I'm a little obsessed when it comes to my hair, but it's worth it! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



_


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## Sweexy985 (Dec 20, 2009)

I've been relaxed, natural, you name it. Right now, though, I'm enjoying my natural hair. I do usually flat iron it, but I know that once the water hits, it's right back to natural. I love the optional approach. With perming, you can't have that option. It's either straight or nothing. So yeah....I love my flat iron dearly. lol 

And definitely, there is much more upkeep to wearing our hair naturally (odd huh?) than straight. I don't know what my natural hair would look like without the help of a bunch of thick pomades, anti-frizz products, diffusers, etc...


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## LatteQueen (Dec 20, 2009)

DAYUM YOU SHOULD POST YOUR COMMENT ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO PERSON CALLED..SHIMAHAIR21..THIS IS A BLACK female who puts down any female who wears any type of fake  hair and puts chemicals in their own hair..she sounds like she's from the Island...she has really long hair and makes videos of it and oh well...just check it out...she's a trip...


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## Nicala (Dec 20, 2009)

I've had my hair permanently straightened a few times since I was about 14 and a half. I'm hispanic (nicaraguan ethnicity, to be exact) and I haven't really had issues with my hair being damaged. I get it done at least once a year, I'm getting my 3rd one done next month (yay!) I had VERY crazy curls. To the point where if I stepped outside, my hair would look like a huge gigantic dust bunny. Probably worse than that. I always wanted to get my hair straightened permanently as it was a lot more versatile than my crazy, coarse, thick frizzy curls. I'm able to style my hair with ease. Also, I look ten times better with straight hair than I did with curly hair. While my hair grew, I would flat iron my hair so it wouldn't look funny with my roots being curly and the rest being straight. That would be plain weird.. Although, I have noticed my hair falls out a lot, but I'm stressed a lot of the time so that might explain why.


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## BBJay (Dec 26, 2009)

I've never had a perm, but I've straightened my hair nearly every 2 weeks for the past 5 years or so. My hair is naturally curly and thick. It has a texture similar to that of someone who is biracial even though I am full black. For a long time, I hated my curly hair because I didn't like the way my mom styled it. It didn't make me feel pretty and kids at school made fun of me. I love my mom, but it just wasn't a good look. Now that I'm old enough to do it myself, I can appreciate my curls more and so do other people. The fact still is though, I feel like a different person with curly hair. I like it better when I have straight hair and I don't think it should be a problem that I do. 

I understand the benefits and ideology behind natural hair, but I think that if someone doesn't like how their hair looks naturally, then they shouldn't feel obligated to keep it that way. If a weave or a wig or dreadlocks or a perm or twists or whatever makes someone feel good, then that's what they should do.

Specktra is primarily a *cosmetic community*, so specktrettes should be the most understanding of why someone would want to make adjustments to their physical appearance. If some doesn't like their weight, they lose weight. If someone doesn't like their hair color, they dye it. If they think their brows are too thin, they pencil them in. And I think if someone doesn't like their natural hair, they should be able to change it without being judged. End of story.

* Additional side note: the hair of very young children should simply be cared for without any extreme changes. Yes, its awful that toddlers are given perms, but I think its equally awful when I see small children with dreadlocks.


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## Kragey (Dec 26, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *shootout* 

 
_I hope I'm not out of place posting on this thread, and if I am, I'm sorry.
Despite being white (Irish and Polish), I have extremely thick and curly hair, bordering on nappy. Every woman in my family has thin, straight hair, so growing up my hair was never properly cared for.  My mom flat-ironed my hair everyday between the ages of 3-10. At 10 she decided she was tired of wasting time on it everyday, so she got it relaxed. I put up with relaxers every 6 weeks for 3 years, until I was finally allowed to make my own decisions regarding my hair. I got it all chopped off and started over, and I've left it natural since (with an occasional flat-ironing if it's really out of control, but this is rare). To this day my hair feels like plastic. I have scars on my scalp and the tops of my ears from the constant flat-ironing. 
I guess the point I'm trying to make is, while natural may not be the most convenient for some, without the proper care, relaxing takes its toll in the long run. So if you're going to relax, PLEASE care for your hair! I regret this everyday now._

 


Oh my Lord, same thing here on the family pressure front, except I managed to stop it before it went too far!

All of the ladies in my family have poker-straight hair, or just a wee bit of wave, and they'll do anything to get their hair super-straight. I have hair like my Dad's, though, which is fine and corkscrew curly. The thing is, both my dad and his sister keep their hair super-short, so you never really see the curl!

When I was little, everybody loved my curls and thought they were cute. Then I hit puberty, and suddenly it was "poofy" and "had to be straightened." I finally got my hair chemically straightened in the 6th grade, and OH MY GOD, I HATED IT!!! It looked ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE! Not only did the chemicals warp the crap out of my hair, but because my hair is so delicate and fine, it basically looked thin and straggly. Every time I mention this, to this day, my mom or my sister goes, "Oh, it looked so NICE when it was straight!" Half of the time I show them pictures from when my hair was straight, and I'm like, "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT LOOKS NICE?!" No volume, lanky, unhealthy-looking....UUUUUGH!

I'm happy to say that I've pretty much sworn off straightening my hair for the rest of my life. Since that 6th grade fiasco, I've had it straightened with a flat-iron a couple of times, and every time I think it looks horrible. I did it for pictures once because I planned on wearing a hood, and then I pulled ALL of my hair to the front of my head so it would look very thick. And of course, I got 500 Facebook comments being all, "OH YOUR HAIR LOOKS SO NICE LIKE THIS WHY DON'T YOU STRAIGHTEN IT ALL THE TIME?" I know that 99% of it is coming from people who just like what's "different."

Nowadays, I do what I want, when I want with my hair, and it is super-healthy and gorgeous. I only use one product in my hair, a HG "glaze" that took me years to find; I use a pea-sized amount after my shower at night, then let my hair air-dry, and it completely eliminates my frizz. Other than that, no blow-drying, no gels, no flat-ironing...I use hairspray once in an absolute blue moon, but I always have to borrow that stuff, cause I don't own any! 

I know that degenerated in to a rant, and I'm sorry. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 It's just very annoying to me when people say I look "better" a certain way, even if I really don't, just because it's what they're not used to or it's what's "in." There's nothing wrong with using lots of products in your hair or doing anything "unnatural," but by the same token, people shouldn't feel forced in to tampering with their hair. Let people wear it how they like, natural or otherwise!

On a random side note: lately I've had a lot of people telling me my hair ISN'T corkscrew curly. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  It drives me NUTS! It's like, "Excuse me, it's my damn hair, I know what it looks like!" Then I tell them, "Well, I shower at night and let my hair air-dry, so it's really curly THEN, but I brush it out and braid it at night so when I wake up it's easy to comb out," and they always ask me stuff like, "Well, why don't you just sleep on it without braiding it?" It's like, "Did you not just hear me say it's easier to brush out when it's been braided?!" Lord, the pain I experienced for the 15+ years of my life when I DIDN'T braid my hair at night...LOL!


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## blazeno.8 (Dec 27, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *LatteQueen* 

 
_DAYUM YOU SHOULD POST YOUR COMMENT ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO PERSON CALLED..SHIMAHAIR21..THIS IS A BLACK female who puts down any female who wears any type of fake  hair and puts chemicals in their own hair..she sounds like she's from the Island...she has really long hair and makes videos of it and oh well...just check it out...she's a trip..._

 

This chick is nuts.


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## clueless0506 (Dec 28, 2009)

I've been completely natural for a little over a year. I only use 3 products and I do my hair once or twice a week. For me, relaxed hair was more costly and gave me less options. Also, every time I did my relaxer touch up, I'd go through anxiety thinking I'd over-process it or cause breakage. (I have trust issues though and before college my mom and my hairdresser from back home were the only people that I'd allow to touch my hair). When I was relaxed, my hair was either down or in a ponytail for the most part. But, I think manageability is something that is "self-defined." Also, one thing might work for one person and not work for the other. One person's easy/quick method may not work for the next person.

Being natural was hard in the beginning, but I've learned what my hair can do, as well as what it won't do. All the extra work I was doing in the beginning was mostly from me working against my hair instead of working with it.


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## ginagate (Dec 29, 2009)

I work and live in the south and Natural hair hasn't caught on here as much as it has up north and in larger metropolitan areas. I'm 5 years natural now. I really like the idea of my natural hair but feel that there is still a standard of what is 'acceptable': i.e. neat, corkscrew, defined curls. I think that natural hair acceptance has a bit of a ways to go. 

Finding out how to care for my hair has been a struggle, but worth it. I'd like to eventually gain some independence from my stylist, though. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I still don't really know how to style my hair beyond the 2 strand twists.


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## makababy (Dec 30, 2009)

Good hair isnt about texture, it is about HEALTH. a lot people don't realize that, natural or relaxed. & I agree with OP about the idea of managability. I've been both relaxed and natural. Relaxed hair can be hard work, and natural hair is hard work too. Well not really hard, but both styles require TLC.

I also find the term nappy to be misplaced, almost borderline insulting. No one has nappy hair, you have curls and texture not naps. The term nappy is an attempt to insult those curls and texture because for a very long time (with the history of this country) they didn't fit what was ( and unfortunately in many cases what is) conceived as the standard of beauty.


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