# Starting Over



## revinn (Mar 14, 2008)

Start Date: March 13th, 2008

Alright, SO. 
Between the ages of 11 and 13, I struggled with an eating disorder. I was already tiny, but I dropped down to an alarming size. Ever since I overcame my disease, I've gradually put on weight, and ballooned up another ten pounds just this year. Which adds up to between 30 and 40 pounds in four years. Yipes. I naturally have a hourglass shape, with a really small waist, tiny hands and feet..I'm supposed to be thin. My boobs and butt have always, ALWAYS been on the generous side, and I have always had some hips..but I don't recognize my body anymore. I feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body, and it needs to change.

I always stop and start, over and over, and go to the extremes to lose weight. This time, I'm going in stages and sticking to it; there's too much I need to look good for. I'm going to keep this journal so you guys can kick my ass if I slack off! I'll record each goal after the deadline for the first one has passed. There are three all together.

I guess I'll share my weight and measurements first..dear lord, I can't believe I'm posting this stuff online..but here goes:

Weight: 143 lbs (already down two in three days, haha)
Bust: 35
Waist: 36
Ribs: 28
Arm: 12
Thigh: 24
Hips: 39
Calves: 15
Oh it makes me sick..I know it's not HUGE, but it really is for me..

Ok, so on to goal number 1: Band Trip, April 22nd, 2008
I'm going to NYC/Maine/Boston/New Jersey for a week with our school band (yes, I AM a nerd), and I'd like to drop 10 lbs and some inches by then. 10 may not be realistic, but I'm shooting for it, and if I don't quite make it, at least I'll have lost some weight..That's a month and one week away..sheesh. This would put my at 133 lbs by April 22nd.

I'll post every few days what I've been doing, and put up updated measurements and weight every Thursday. I hope I can finally do it this time!


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## pumpkincat210 (Mar 14, 2008)

Do some jogging on the treadmill or the stair climber, they really give you a good workout but are sometimes boring... The two body parts I would especially focus on are your abs (do lots of crunches) and your arms (5 pound weights are awesome).  
Once you get into a routine it should be easier, but keep your goal in mind and come here for support, it helped me a lot.


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## revinn (Mar 15, 2008)

March 15, 2008

I started dieting and took all my measurements at the start of March Break, on Monday. I've been hitting the gym every day, doing 45 minutes of cardio daily and about 30 min of strength training every second day. I also went to Cardio Strip, my favorite class at my gym! I know it's not healthy..but I've been eating between 500 and 800 cal. a day all week. I guess I have an issue where I can only be extreme; either completely sedentary and pigging out, or starving and working out every day. 

I've jumpstarted my weight loss, and I've lost quite a bit. I realised that my scale was set on 5 lbs instead of 0 when no one was standing on it, so I actually weigh 139. Tonight however, I'm down to 136. I need to slow down next week. I'm thinking about increasing my caloric intake to 1200 or 1100 a day. My BMR is 1485.25, so hopefully this amount of food, along with burning between 300 and 500 cal. a day during exercise, should help me lose about 2 lbs a week. I find that I normally fall off the wagon if I slip up once. If I cheat, I assume that the whole diet is blown and stuff my face. Then I get discouraged and mope for a few months. Maybe NOT starving myself and keeping my food intake a little higher will make me less likely to cheat. Did I say maybe? I meant definitely.

I did some research online, and found out that I can get some great WeightWatchers products that have very reduced calories. I'm excited about this find, especially the whole wheat bagels and english muffins (I NEED my carbs in the morning!). I'm going to swap out my beloved peanut butter for a reduced fat version with half the calories. Also, my parents brought home some Schneider's meats from the grocery store earlier this week, and I've fallen in love. It's hard to cook chicken or turkey around lunchtime, so I usually cave and eat soup or Zoodles (not the best choice). Now, I eat these turkey slices, about two or three at a time, and they taste GREAT. The best part? Only 67 calories per FOUR SLICES. I ran out today, so tomorrow morning I'm going down to the store to buy all the aforementioned products.

The little issue I need to rant about pertains to my place of employment. I work at GRECO, ugh..and I loooove garlic fingers. Hate the pizza, but we make the best damn g. fingers in town. And now we have a stuffed crust promotion on, and all the employees make stuffed crust garlic fingers.. It's rough. Every time I take stuff out of the oven, my stomach growls. The big buckets of mozzarella cheese call my name. I've started bringing a water bottle and almonds to work, but it just isn't the same. Oh well! I just need to retrain my brain to not want these things.

Well, it's three in the morning, so I should probably turn in..I'm sure you'll hear from me in the next few days, and my first weight/measurement update is on Thursday (even though I just revealed my weight on here again, heh). 

Wish me luck!


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## revinn (Mar 15, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *pumpkincat210* 

 
_Do some jogging on the treadmill or the stair climber, they really give you a good workout but are sometimes boring... The two body parts I would especially focus on are your abs (do lots of crunches) and your arms (5 pound weights are awesome). 
Once you get into a routine it should be easier, but keep your goal in mind and come here for support, it helped me a lot._

 
I love the treadmill at my gym, so that's definitely possible! Stair Master not so much, but only because it's hard, which is why I need to do it more often. I agree with your assessment of the body parts I should focus on! I hate my arms; even when I was thin, they lacked definition, so I'm going to try to change that for sure. My stomach is actually where I gained most of the weight this year, which is strange because I'm pear-shaped now, and usually gain weight in my hips and thighs. I have love handles now..yuck. The part of my body that I'm most self-consious about is actually my lower body, but I know that I can really only slim down there if I lose weight all over. Thank you for offering me support and some tips, I really appreciate it! I hope I can have a fraction of the success you've had in your weight loss journey!


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## mommymac (Mar 15, 2008)

Corset training, is great for slimming down your mid section, google it.  I'm been doing it since Jan and have had a noticable reduction in my midsection.  I'm waiting on a custom made corset now, you can wear this under your clothing while you continue to diet and/or exercise and no one will know.


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## revinn (Mar 16, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *mommymac* 

 
_Corset training, is great for slimming down your mid section, google it. I'm been doing it since Jan and have had a noticable reduction in my midsection. I'm waiting on a custom made corset now, you can wear this under your clothing while you continue to diet and/or exercise and no one will know._

 

I've never heard of that before! I googled it, and it sounds interesting, I think I could do it. Is there anywhere you can buy them for a little less money? All the ones I saw online were over a hundred dollars. Are there many health risks involved?


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## revinn (Mar 20, 2008)

March 20, 2008

So it's Thursday, which means update time for my weight and measurements! Here goes:
Weight: 135
Bust: 35
Waist (below belly button): 35
Ribs: 28
Arm: 12
Thigh: 24
Hips: 39
Calves: 15

Alright, a little discouraging..I only lost one inch around the Buddha belly, and nowhere else. So most of what I lost must be water weight. This week, I'm going to increase my exercise and continue to eat the way I have been this week. Hopefully I'll see some changes next Thursday.


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## Simply Elegant (Mar 20, 2008)

I think you're doing well but I don't think you're eating enough. Your metabolism can't be burning as much if you're only eating 500-800 or even 1100. You need 1200 to start.


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## misselectrikk (Mar 22, 2008)

Reading what you've gone through in terms of eating and such, I can identify with you. I, too, suffered from an eating disorder (though, I didn't think of myself as "suffering" at the time...) at an early age and relapsed this year. I'm now recovered, and have gained 16 pounds over the course of several months. I feel weird and wrong in my body, so I've taken to working out again. However, to exercise, you need fuel. I've learned this the hard way, and to me, it sounds like you're dangerously close to a relapse. Believe me, if you eat consistently throughout the day, it keeps your metabolism going and enables you to work out harder, which will ultimately boost your calorie-burning ability much more than not eating will. I've read that it can take years (_years!_) to get your metabolism back to normal after recovery from an eating disorder.


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## revinn (Mar 24, 2008)

I bought a super-short sexy dress to wear to the awards dance in Boston on my trip..so I gotta get my legs toned up a little more in 4 weeks! I'm off to the gym now to kill myself, haha.


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## revinn (Mar 28, 2008)

No change in measurements or weight. Let's just not discuss it.


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## revinn (Jul 3, 2008)

I gained 8 lbs since my last set of posts, then subsequently lost 7. So I'm right back where I started in March, same weight and measurements. I feel like I'm such a failure because I just can't make myself try to change my body. I'm so unhappy with the way I look..it affects every part of my life. I've started going to therapy again, and I'm starting antidepressants, so that should hopefully help with a lot of my emotional problems, but I still need to feel better about myself physically. I feel sick, sluggish, and digusting all the time. This weight just sits on my body; I have tiny feet, hands, and a small head, so it looks incredibly unnatural (seriously, picture that..nasty). I start university in the fall, and I feel like this is my chance to reinvent myself from the awkward, shy girl I've always been, and from the sad, pessimistic loner I've become since my depression took over my life. I miss the old, friendly Sammi, who everyone loved to spend time with. I hate being afraid to meet new people because I'm so ashamed of my looks. The cutest guy flirted with me in the mall the other day, and I ran out of there, locked myself in a bathroom stall and cried, because I feel so unworthy of human attention. 

Whew, went a little OT there, I apologize. Anyway, I'm going to try to lose as much weight as possible in the next two months. Ideally, 25 lbs would be fantastic, but I'll settle for 15-20 if that's all I can accomplish. I need to work my butt off..I just hope I can finally do it this time.


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## revinn (Jul 13, 2008)

Alright, I've lost 2 lbs in 9 days, which is pretty crappy, but I'm not going to get discouraged. I've been going to the gym every day, eating EXTREMELY well, hitting around 1000-1100 calories of healthy food every day. I only cheated once, at an overnight university orientation, so I think I'm doing pretty well. I've decided to start hitting the gym twice a day (cardio twice, weights once), and cutting down drastically on carbs. Fingers crossed that my weight loss speeds up!!


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## revinn (Jul 20, 2008)

Down 7..which sounds good, but I feel like it's not visible..probably just water weight.


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