# My husband is Anti-Specktra...



## hhunt2 (Aug 20, 2008)

Well, my significant other doesn't like me on Specktra.  
He said that I'm "wasting my time" on Specktra. And that I'm "stupid" for writing blogs/threads. 

Oh how do I feel like crying in the corner like a child. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





So I just kept my mouth shut and started this thread.  
Makeup is my world b/c I have nothing else (well, besides work).  I gave up my friends b/c of him.  I used to be a party girl but now I'm a housewife b/c of him.  He tells me I'm "wasting my time" with Specktra but I have no life... so I'm not wasting time, lol.

Sorry, I had to vent y'all.  
Has anyone had this feeling?  
Stupid significant others... they can be so mean.


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## TRASHdecor (Aug 20, 2008)

Wow thats tough 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 it sucks when your significant other doesn't support one of your hobbies. I'm sorry but I think you've given up too much for him :/ he should love you for who you are...If my bf ever told me to not do something I would just look at him likes hes an idiot. lol But you're married...it has to be a lot different...Sorry I can't help much, my state of mind is completely different. Good luck though! And you should never stop doing something you love for others. Follow your heart.


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## anjelik_dreamin (Aug 20, 2008)

Awww hon that sucks. But he shouldn't stop you having friends!


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## User49 (Aug 20, 2008)

Wow that is really mean! I'm on here all the time and my boyfriend is really supportive of my obsession with mac! I even bring him over to the computer to get his oppinion on colours and eotd's on other people. You're right to feel like crying. I would burst into tears! That's so harsh! Yeah, I admit we are all a bit geeky on the computer and all, my friends take the piss regularly when I go on about specktra stuff, but thats who we are. You shouldn't let him make you feel that way. I think you shoudl tell him that it actually hurt your feelings and you wonder why he was so rude. I hope that he takes it back and he was just having a one off grump!!


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## Lizzie (Aug 20, 2008)

I hope I'm not being to personal in saying that [I think] your husband shouldn't have so much control over your life.  I think it's scary when people are so controlling.  

I just hope his dislike for Specktra is the most of your problems.

I also hope you're feeling better! *hugs*


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## Zantedge (Aug 20, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *Lizzie* 

 
_I hope I'm not being to personal in saying that [I think] your husband shouldn't have so much control over your life.  I think it's scary when people are so controlling.  

I just hope his dislike for Specktra is the most of your problems.

I also hope you're feeling better! *hugs*_

 
I agree, you're allowed to spend your time however you want. He should be a little more considerate towards things you enjoy doing, and just let you enjoy them.


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## aimee (Aug 20, 2008)

awww
girl its your hobby i bet he got one too
so keep your head up and lets waste some time together haha


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## xxManBeaterxx (Aug 20, 2008)

Wow.. I see nothing wrong with browsing online and chatting on forums.  What does he expect you to do? clean all day??? 

You need some friends back girl, relationships are most happiest when the two couples have hobbies together as well as individually. Its time to get a life hun, but first off you need to talk to him about it, an unhappy wife makes an unhappy husband.  You should maybe get a part time job, it does get boring staying at home after a while.  But if something is troubling you, it never hurts to talk to him.


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## lara (Aug 20, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *hhunt2* 

 
_Well, my husband doesn't like me on Specktra.  
He said that I'm "wasting my time" on Specktra. And that I'm "stupid" for writing blogs/threads. 
...

I gave up my friends b/c of him.  I used to be a party girl but now I'm a housewife b/c of him._

 
I know he's your husband and all, but man, he sounds like a _real _winner.


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## DirtyHarriet (Aug 20, 2008)

Honey, that just plain sucks the big one!

You should NEVER give up your friends for a relationship...because your friends are your support system and your outlet.  Isolating yourself for a relationship is not healthy. 

No one should have that much control over another person.  But the flip side is that you give him the control and he takes it.  That's right...you GIVE him the control.  A relationship, good or bad, takes two people who are equally responsible.

Please consider getting some help...for both of you.  And consider reaching out to your old friends.  They're still there.  And by all means, don't give up specktra if it makes you happy.

At the very least consider going to a book store on your lunch break and picking up some books on controlling relationships.

Remember, you have a role in this too, which means some of the responsibility rests with you.  And that means that YOU have the POWER to change things.  It sounds to me from your post that you're unhappy and ready to do something about it.

You can do it!  And if you need us, we'll be here e-cheering you on! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




(((((((hugs)))))))


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## ilurvemakeup (Aug 20, 2008)

Aww 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 My hubby says it's pointless too, but he says if it's what makes me happy watching and reading about makeup, more power to me. He just tells me not to buy any more makeup LOL 

I hope your other half eases up soon and quits on putting you down. You like it so why can't he just be happy for you. I'd slap my hubby if he ever puts me down, I sure as hell don't brief him on his game obsession. I love seeing him happy when he gets brand new games


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## makeba (Aug 20, 2008)

thats ill!! but some people are just jealous and self centered. i learned some hard lessons this past year during my seperation from my hubby on how important it is to make me happy first and stand up for what is correct and right. when me and hubby got back together i developed more interest in makeup and possibly going to makeup school and found this site and he felt he was lacking attention. he would make comments like, "i have a serious addiction and a problem with makeup." among other comments and i would not say anything if much becuz i dont like to argue. Until one day he made the same ignant comment about me having a problem/addiction to makeup like a drug addict. I verbally tore his azz up one side and down the other and meant every word. give yourself some love all the time and tell your husband you have a mind and some interest that make you feel good.


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## rbella (Aug 20, 2008)

Damn, it's not like your on match.com trying to meet people.  It's a friggin' makeup site.

I'm so sorry to hear that is happening to you.  Perhaps if you spent all day long on Specktra and did _absolutely nothing else_ then, maybe I could see why he would be peeved.  But, even then, he shouldn't make you feel so bad and call you "stupid".  

If it was interfering with your relationship and your connection to the real world, I could see why he might be concerned, but he would need to go about it in a different way.  He should be supportive, not verbally abusive.  

I don't see you on here 24/7 so in my opinion, he is out of line.  I hope thinks work out for the best.  I hope you can talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

{{{Hugs}}}


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## pratbc (Aug 20, 2008)

Your hubby sounds just like my ex-husband- totally controlling.  I, too, could not have any friends and he loathed any forums or chat I would have on the computer (even though he spent most of his time in front of a computer playing video games).  Things got worse and he started not liking me wearing makeup or nice clothes that didn't fully cover me up.  Unfortunately, I ended up taking my son and just leaving him because it got so bad.
My advice to you is to talk to him and tell him how you feel.  If he does not let up after you talk then you may want to consider some different options.
You do not have to put up with being controlled like that.  I now feel so incredibly free, it is amazing.  
If you ever want someone to talk to, you can always PM me.  I was definitely in your shoes a year and a half ago.  
I hope everything works out for the best.


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## Beauty Mark (Aug 20, 2008)

Beyond the Specktra stuff, I don't think he's good for you. What kind of person expects you to give up your friends for him? That's really bad.

Hon, I would seriously sit down with someone impartial and examine your life closely. It sounds like there's more issues at hand than your internet life.


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## TDoll (Aug 20, 2008)

Wow..that's tough.  What hobbies does he have? Does he like cars or video games or anything like that?? Because you need to talk to him, --no matter how stupid you think he's going to make you feel -- you need to sit him down and talk to him and compare Specktra and makeup to his hobbies and the ways he spends his free time.  

I hope everything works out.  That totally sucks and he should be supportive of what you do in your free time. Especially since it's something that obviously makes you happy.


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## hhunt2 (Aug 20, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *pratbc* 

 
_Your hubby sounds just like my ex-husband- totally controlling. I, too, could not have any friends and he loathed any forums or chat I would have on the computer (even though he spent most of his time in front of a computer playing video games). Things got worse and he started not liking me wearing makeup or nice clothes that didn't fully cover me up. Unfortunately, I ended up taking my son and just leaving him because it got so bad.
My advice to you is to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he does not let up after you talk then you may want to consider some different options.
You do not have to put up with being controlled like that. I now feel so incredibly free, it is amazing. 
If you ever want someone to talk to, you can always PM me. I was definitely in your shoes a year and a half ago. 
I hope everything works out for the best._

 
Thank You... he has asked me "what happened to the old me?"  I used to dress up all the time & got myself all 'dun' up.  But I was thin then, now I've gained weight since him & I got together, I dress up like "whatever", lol.  Sad to say, but the only "dressing up" I do is for work-- all black, like I'm attending a funeral.  But all black has always been my style.

 Quote:

   Originally Posted by *TDoll* 

 
_Wow..that's tough. What hobbies does he have? Does he like cars or video games or anything like that?? Because you need to talk to him, --no matter how stupid you think he's going to make you feel -- you need to sit him down and talk to him and compare Specktra and makeup to his hobbies and the ways he spends his free time. 

I hope everything works out. That totally sucks and he should be supportive of what you do in your free time. Especially since it's something that obviously makes you happy._

 
He's definetly into cars. That's how he feel in love with me, lol. I busted my hood open and checked my oil. 
Video games and football are no-no's.  My ex was more into those 2 than he was into me (so that was a lesson learned). Otherwise we share the same "hobbie" of traveling-- I love going to new places, but financially, that sometimes is impossible.

 Quote:

   Originally Posted by *xxManBeaterxx* 

 
_Wow.. I see nothing wrong with browsing online and chatting on forums. What does he expect you to do? clean all day??? 

You need some friends back girl, relationships are most happiest when the two couples have hobbies together as well as individually. Its time to get a life hun, but first off you need to talk to him about it, an unhappy wife makes an unhappy husband. You should maybe get a part time job, it does get boring staying at home after a while. But if something is troubling you, it never hurts to talk to him._

 
Yea, some of my friends try to contact me but they are still the same since high school (which is sort of a bad thing)... They were great friends but thier moto's were "Work hard, play harder". So my girls have been attending college and working part time in retail but they party sooo hard that they wake up not remembering anything (and that's often).  Otherwise, my so-called "best friend", just had a baby with a random stranger (she was dating him for 2 months, saying that she loves him. The next thing you know, she's pregnant and the guy denies it's his and runs off).  
So I guess it's okay to get that "drama" out of my life b/c I want kids soon (and raise them in a good environment) but I don't know if that can happen.  I've been having period issues (or lack there of; I know... t.m.i, lol, but were all girls here).

And yes, I do have a job!  I'm a personal assistant.  But I really need a better paying job (but I'm just scared to go to something new & big, I need to break that habit).

Thanks Y'all for your comments!  
I think the "hubby" was just talking out of his ass. But I'm still watching him. I've jokingly have told him if he doesn't be nice to me, I'll kill him in his sleep. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I've earned the nicknames: "Holly from Hell", "Lucifer", "Diablo" (Devil in Spanish)... so my hubby won't get away with his Anti-Specktranisim.


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## blindpassion (Aug 20, 2008)

Hes out of line to try and tell you how you should and should not be spending your time. Its important in any relationship to make sure there is time for you to do whats important to you, and do what you love.

A man should never be allowed to have that kind of control over his wife, nor should he strive too. Be your own person, and if it doesn't fit with him, thats his problem. 

To quote a jessica simpson song 
_"Love don't mean changing who you are to be who somebody wants you to be, _
_nobodys got to belong to nobody. _
_I belong to me, I'm one not half of two... _
_and if you're gonna love me, you should know this baby. _
_I belong to me."_


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## melliquor (Aug 21, 2008)

Damn... that is horrible.  He should support you and not tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing.

My DH doesn't mind what I do as long as I give attention sometimes... LOL.


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## zeroxstar (Aug 21, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear this! That is sad that he won't let you have a little hobby.. i'm sure when he's watching something you don't like on tv, or doing something similar, you don't give him the same crap? Shouldn't he WANT to have to you happy? To have people you can share your love of makeup with? 
I'm sorry you had to give up your friends for him, that isn't right! Although I guess I understand if your friends were all big partiers and that isn't your lifestyle anymore how you could drift apart... but it's still a shame. I hope things work out & in the meanwhile - screw him! He can't stop you from going on a website!


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## elegant-one (Aug 21, 2008)

I feel bad for you! He shouldn't call you 'stupid' that is just very belittling imo.

If my dh asked me not to do something as great as being on here, it would be..you want me to do what 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			








 ...nah

Seriously, mates should support each other. Hope you work it out.


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## MAC_Whore (Aug 21, 2008)

If you enjoy it, it isn't "wasting your time."

Writing blogs and threads are a way to explore your hobby, interest and creativity.  While your husband may not see the appeal, he should see that it brings you joy and therefore see the value to it.

The next time he says you are being "stupid" for persuing your interests, stop what you are doing, turn around, look him in the eye and tell him, "As our wife, I deserve more respect than that.  I am asking you to afford me some common courtesy and never call me or my interests stupid again."  

My DH loves Specktra and that I am a part of it.  He thinks it is a great place.  Does my DH need to give your man some I 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 Specktra lessons?  He will, you know?


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## lovelyweapon (Aug 21, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *MAC_Whore* 

 
_If you enjoy it, it isn't "wasting your time."

Writing blogs and threads are a way to explore your hobby, interest and creativity.  While your husband may not see the appeal, he should see that it brings you joy and therefore see the value to it.

The next time he says you are being "stupid" for persuing your interests, stop what you are doing, turn around, look him in the eye and tell him, "As our wife, I deserve more respect than that.  I am asking you to afford me some common courtesy and never call me or my interests stupid again."  

My DH loves Specktra and that I am a part of it.  He thinks it is a great place.  Does my DH need to give your man some I 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 Specktra lessons?  He will, you know?  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 





 LOL. All your posts make me laugh and look like a lunatic (I'm at work).

To the OP, maybe he talks to you that way because you don't stand up for yourself regarding this situation? My boyfriend tried to pull that on me once and now he is a MAC encyclopedia (you should try the 'No Sex For a Month' trick - it works miracles!).


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## Lapis (Aug 22, 2008)

Oh you are good, if my dh said that I'd be like
"honey go f**k yourself"


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## Kayteuk (Aug 22, 2008)

I think sometimes boys think "Well you have got me now, why bother looking good". And sometimes they don’t realize that you have to do make up for yourself, and to look nice for others to get those feel gooood compliments.

Try to talk to him, explain to him that its like a hobby. Try and think of a hobby he does and discusses with his friends, and then make the comment that you’re learning about make up not from just your friends, but from people round the WORLD. People of different class, ages gender and ethnicities, and people who do it pro and the non pros. You’re sharing and growing by doing this, and its keeping you a very happy person without having to go to a counter and spend lots of money.

I always find that talking to my man helps me a lot =)


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## kimmy (Aug 23, 2008)

when i was with my ex, i was surfing specktra one night and he was like "kim, seriously? what good does that do?" i told him "a hell of alot more than talking to you about makeup." and he became alot more supportive of my makeup habit.

don't give up anything else for this guy. imho, you've already given up too much.


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## glassy girl (Aug 23, 2008)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *TRASHdecor* 

 
_Wow thats tough 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 it sucks when your significant other doesn't support one of your hobbies. I'm sorry but I think you've given up too much for him :/ he should love you for who you are...If my bf ever told me to not do something I would just look at him likes hes an idiot. lol But you're married...it has to be a lot different...Sorry I can't help much, my state of mind is completely different. Good luck though! And you should never stop doing something you love for others. Follow your heart. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	


_

 
Im happily married for 10 years and if my hubby told me not to do something i also would look at him like he was a idiot lol. To the original poster iv'e been married for 10 years and going strong and thats because my hubby lets me be me i don't think it could be any other way. Now i could see how it would bother someone if a person was on a site till morning till nite without doing much eles( not saying u do) So the key to my marriage is loving each other and respecting each others likes, and of course my girls nite out lol. U still have to be able to do your thing whether going out with friend/ family or simply going on a fab makeup site and relaxing. Good luck girley marriage has it's good and bad but if there's love it's all good. Guys will talk out of there ass once in a while thats just men lol.


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## purrtykitty (Aug 23, 2008)

Mine isn't supportive of my "habit", but he doesn't mind that I spend time here on Specktra...as long as I also spend time with him.  I often talk with him about some of the threads on here (mostly the ones from Deep Thoughts), and once he figured out it wasn't all about makeup, he shut up about it being "just a stupid makeup site".


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## User93 (Aug 24, 2008)

My bf loves picking on me, he thinks it's funny. I just stopped paying attention to it as i realised he seriously thinks calling me a "noob" s cute (dont ask me how that works lol).

I honestly dont know how to help you, but i wanted to say, im being nosy so i clecked on your profile and saw your pic.. damn, you look so beautiful! Seriously, you shouldnt possibly have a low self esteem. I mean, damn, you look so cute and gentle. Your hubster should realise how lucky he is.

Has anyone ever told you you look like latina btw? I was pretty sure before i read personal info


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## TISH1124 (Aug 24, 2008)

My husband's Motto is always..."Honey, If you like it, I love it! "  
 I often times show him some of the FOTD looks and ask him if he thinks I would look good in certain colors and he always looks and answers honestly....Maybe he's thinking it saves him a lot of money if I am at home on Specktra vs out shopping  
I am sorry your husband doesn't support your hobbies...It is no more ridiculous than them sitting in front of the TV watching sports ALL day long or playing videos...If it is something you enjoy and it is harmless he should support it in my opinion, no matter what it is.


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## Lexxiii (Aug 24, 2008)

Aww, that's terrible. You shouldn't have to give up something that you enjoy for him! Don't let him control you!

I feel very blessed to have a boyfriend who is supportive of my makeup addiction. He was so fascinated once when a MAC MUA was swatching some new products on her hand that he bought them for me on the spot on the condition that I do a look for him with it! xD


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## Mac_Cherry (Aug 25, 2008)

MEN????  They sit in front of the TV ALL DAY watching sports.  I could never figure that out.  My finace' is cool with me on spectra, so I will not talk during sports or him studying... LOL  Spectra vs Shopping??  I can sit on spectra for hours and he doens't care because he can study for his boards in peace...  Men should thank specktra and send them a monthly check!


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## emeraldjewels (Aug 25, 2008)

Its not wasting your time because you like it, and he should be happy that you have something in your life that you enjoy, even if it is something he's not necessarily into.

I would judt carry on blogging etc, and ignore his snide comments about it.


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## whorexxx (Aug 25, 2008)

He is down right MEAN!


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