# I want to vomit



## rbella (Apr 5, 2009)

I am sitting here in my home office as I do every evening, and I hate it.  I can't stand this friggin' room.  It is so filled with shit that I want to freak out.  I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with the second bedroom being an office.

Let me start by telling you that Mr. Rbella has SERIOUS issues with throwing anything away.  I, on the other hand, will throw anything away.  I throw stuff away way before I should.  That is a bad mix.  

I am an organizational freak and I cannot deal with paper trails.  The fact that I am a Realtor and my husband owns his own business does not help in cutting down on paper.  Since we both office out of home, this room has become the office, junk room, sewing room, guest bedroom (ok, guest mat).  It sucks.

I got into some comfortable clothes and came in here with a mission.  To clean this pig stye up.  However, my crazy ass husband cannot get rid of even a business card that he received OVER 10 YEARS AGO on the off chance he might need to contact that person.  Keep in mind, my man is cheap, we both have big ass Zach Morris cell phones and are not exactly high-tech.  We don't even have cable or a dvr for God's sake.  So, electronic organization or anything fancy is out of the question. 

It is starting to trickle into other parts of the aparment now.  I hate it.

Please make it end.  Please fix this shithole for me.  We have two massive shelving units packed with stupid crap (old cords, business reports from up to 5 years ago, canned food for hurricanes, a slow cooker).  I'm not kidding.

Any advice other than throwing everything away before he comes home would be appreciated.  I don't want to send him to the hospital with a heart attack.


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## MACATTAK (Apr 5, 2009)

How about some big bins with lids?  Then just throw all of his treasures in there, close the lid, stack them on top of each other, and let him go through everything at his own convenience.  

I want to apologize for always laughing at your heartfelt posts, but you are just too damn funny.


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## Lizzie (Apr 5, 2009)

Hey hon, I feel for you!  My so doesn't throw anything away either... even empty boxes from items that he bought years ago.

What he needs to realize is that the clutter is effecting you negatively and that your happiness is more important than an old business card.  Tell him that the clutter is effecting your quality of life and try to go through things together.  Knowing that he's involved might tone down the heart attack he might get if he came home and everything was gone.

Think do I need this?  Does it have a place?  Does it enrich my life?  Don't keep things because "I might use it one day" or "it was a gift!"  Think, if the house was burning down, what would I grab on my way out of the door?  Things like this might put things into perspective.

I'm moving out of my apartment in May because I'm graduating, and I'm trying to cut down (mostly clothes and household items) because I know that I cannot fit all of my things where I will be moving to.  Sometimes it's difficult, but even clearing out a drawer makes me feel like I've accomplished something and that I can breathe better.  Try to clear out things little by little.  Maybe a shelf, or a box, or a drawer.  This will help you two not get overwhelmed and it will make you feel like you've taken the first step.

I hope this helps, and I hope you feel better, doll.


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## TISH1124 (Apr 5, 2009)

Thank God neither my dh nor I are pack racks, if it sits fro to long it is trashed ...Ohhhh but My mom is.....My Dad went and bought tons of underbed storage bins..the large ones...and just started dumping papers in one...books in one.....etc...Put a giant label on the boxes shoved them under the bed and said if you need it look thru the bins....he also got a few stackable ones for the shit that didn't fit in the underbed ones...Of course she never look in any of the boxes  because she doesn't need it anyway...But at least it's nice and hid and out of the way ...

I would be dying...Personally I would start glad bagging and heading to the dumpster


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## sn0wbunnie (Apr 5, 2009)

Oh yeah, plastic bins all the way.  I'm a hardcore packrat, and that's how I deal with living in a tiny apartment.  Also, try to get a shelving unit which can accommodate smaller plastic bins or nicer paper/wicker ones so that it's not all uggo plastic everywhere.

I cover some of mine with a nice shawl and use them at the ends of my couch for end tables, there's one with a blanket on it for the kitty, too.

But honestly, this is when I just start crying and go to bed for the rest of the day...  I sure hope you don't do that!


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## chiquilla_loca (Apr 5, 2009)

aww rbella, i feel for you! my so-called ebay business that I was starting in 2007, was put on hold because of so many deaths in the family, let's just say the merchandise took over my apt! i'm so looking forward to the advice they will give you and maybe we can overcome this together!
i feel this phunking up my feng shui!!!


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## TISH1124 (Apr 5, 2009)

For my ebay business...I have the rolling plastic carts and everything is labelled on the outside as to what it is.....EVERYTHING...I list it ...put it in the cart..when it sells I know exactly what bin it's in and pull and ship...I even have them by size and have the envelopes for those sizes in each bin....

yep I'm OCD about clutter and organization....However I despise CLEANING!!!


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## nebbish (Apr 5, 2009)

Ugh, I hate cleaning, too ... but I love it when things are all neat & where they should be!
I'm also a pretty hardcore packrat. You could try doing what my mom used to do ... If you don't go through everything & clean it, I'm going to throw it all away!


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## rbella (Apr 5, 2009)

Thanks, ladies.

It's ok to laugh, Mac.  It makes me smile. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Lizzie, that is the main issue.  Mr. Rbella works so many damn hours a day that the last thing I want to do is sit down and say, "ok, it's 2am and I know you just finished typing all the reports for the day, but can we talk about these GOD DAMNED business cards?"  Sorry, I went off there for a sec, b/c that is what I want to say...But, I honestly feel so terrible for him.  He works so hard to give us a good life.  Granted, I don't get to experience it, but when I retire I will.

I'll try the bins.  His paper will still overtake them at some point.  I want to shred it all.

Chiquilla-My Feng Shui has been fucked up for so long, that's probably why I keep falling down and shizz.

Thanks for giving me advice, girls.  I will try some of this.  I seriously can't handle the mess anymore.  I feel like I'm walking around all schizzed out all the time.....


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## TISH1124 (Apr 5, 2009)

I always see those shows where the people come in and organize everything...and I say wow...if only I had someone to send them to my house for FREE ....My closets would thank them so much!!! And my garage....


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## Willa (Apr 5, 2009)

You should def. take a look on some websites to take inspiration from pictures

I've found many things on this site only :
Apartment Therapy

The home cure makes miracles :
Spring Cure 2009 | Apartment Therapy

Each year, they have this Small Cool contest where people post pictures of their (small) space, and I've found a lot of stuff to get inspiration from for our condo (1 bedroom, 1 open aired living room and kitchen).

Apartment Therapy "Small is Cool" Contest 2008
Small Cool Contest 2009 | Apartment Therapy

And on flickr 
Flickr: Search


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## pcsocake (Apr 5, 2009)

I could so totally relate. What I did at the end was shaking up stuff if hadn't touched for years and tossed it when the collector came. He never found out and I have secretly eyed more of his junk for the next dump.


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## MrsMay (Apr 6, 2009)

Hey Danelle...

This might be a little hi-tech for your man but does he use Outlook for his email & stuff?  If so, you could load the business cards into the contacts in there so he can still access them then throw away the originals...

Also on the hi-tech side, you could scan the old reports and burn them to a CD and throw away/shred the originals...

HTH!


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## Krasevayadancer (Apr 6, 2009)

I am such an organizational freak that its scary. I feel for you that your DH is a pain the butt about getting stuff away and out. 

I would invest in folders with dividers and storage units. Maybe even a file cabinet would be handy. Then just organize and put it all away out of site.

Orrr, you can fly me down there and I can do it all for you 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 Hang in there darling!


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## cupcake_x (Apr 10, 2009)

Oh honey, I feel you! My father is like Mr. Rbella.. He keeps everything. My mom is the complete opposite. I'm somewhere in the middle.

I'd just throw some stuff out, little by little without him noticing. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 It's sneaky but just throw the junk out that he won't even notice!


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## blindpassion (Apr 12, 2009)

My father is a packrat, even on his best days, hes a mess.
He has his own floor of the house almost, the lower floor that is the "entertainment/office" room, and oh good lord danelle, you've seen nothing like it.

Papers, bills, evelopes, business cards, change - EVERY WHERE.
My mother and I own the top two floors of the house and we keep that shit clean to within an inch of its life.

Ive helped my dad clean his office before - but it just ends up in its original state a few months later.

My advice is: File cabinets are your friend - and be realistic about what you need to keep... do we need six pairs of scissors? no - probably not.

Take everything in the office that doesn't have a "home" and throw it in big garbage bags. Then sit on the floor with three buckets: sell, keep, toss. And get sorting! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




It will get easier 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 just breaatthhheee.


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## ms.marymac (Apr 12, 2009)

I would like to caution you though...anything you put away and organize may lead to many "Where did you put such and such?"  "I can't find my damn thingamajig"  "Did you throw away the freaking doo-hicky?" I think we all know that there are men who will spend 5 mins staring into the fridge, saying "I don't see it!", when it's right in front of their face. Imagine what happens when you file it away.  Trust me on this one. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




I don't want to tell you what my garage looks like right now. Pa Kettle is going to get around to organizing it one of these days, though. 


P.S.  Zac Morris phones=


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## purrtykitty (Apr 12, 2009)

Oh, I feel so bad at having a good laugh at your expense.  I'm sorry!!!  I think the best thing to do is to start by sorting everything, i.e. business cards in one pile, receipts in another, etc...and then toss anything you know can go.  I like MrsMay's idea of using Outlook for contacts, and perhaps Excel could help with invoices.

Since you and he are so busy, I think you need to schedule some times for both of you to sit down and tackle everything.  Don't try to do it all at once...you'll get overwhelmed very quickly.

Good luck, dear.  Keep us posted on your progress!  Oh...and have a nice, calming Dr. Pepper (I'm having a Diet Dr. P as we speak, and I'm thinking of you!! )


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## kaliraksha (Apr 13, 2009)

For the paper, I would get a cheap used scanner off ebay or craigslist and start electronically filing all that stuff. Back up on cds, usb drives, whatever. I would probably take into my own hands, but it probably makes more sense to run it by your hubby first. For me, I don't see the point in having all this paper if you have no clue how to search through it... at least on the computer you could make folders.


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## Dawn (Apr 14, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *TISH1127* 

 
_ 
yep I'm OCD about clutter and organization....!_

 
Oh my, are we related?


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## Dawn (Apr 14, 2009)

They do make a rolodex type thing for business cards or there is a business card file type book if that could help.  Or you can fly Tish, Adina and I down and we'll organize it for ya!!  <3


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## rbella (Apr 14, 2009)

^^^Girl, no rolodex in the world could contain this.  I choose the second option!!


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## sharkbytes (Apr 14, 2009)

I think approaching him with what you said a little while ago is a fine idea.  You could say that you love and appreciate how hard he works for the both of you, and that you don't want to bother him with organizational/cleaning issues when he's ready to crash and get some sleep.  So, to that end, you'll be tagging and bagging unused stuff.  

Maybe even have a garage or tag sale and agree to put that money in an account?  That might appeal to his frugal nature and at least let you see some profit for all the hard work.


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## Dr_Girlfriend (Apr 14, 2009)

Oh holy hell I can so relate to your problem.  My husband is borderline OCD about throwing anything away..  He gets it from his parents who have built additional rooms to house all of their shit!  I remember the time that we needed a curtain rod and were about to run to Target to buy one when my father-in-law went to the attic and spent about 2 hours trying to find one.  When he finally did, he said he bought it in the 50's.  Oh my GOD!  And let's not even talk about the bottle of peroxide that my husband found actually expired in 1981.  It's older than me!

My advice to you is instead of planning an entire day of purging, start throwing away a couple of items a day.  Eventually he can come to terms with it.  You could even compromise by throwing X item's away, he can spend a little on a pleasure day for him or he can buy himself something he really wants.  HTH.


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## Susanne (Apr 14, 2009)

Danelle, I can really understand you! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I am probably the most organized and tidiest person in the world 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I know I can stress people around me with my sense for organization 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




But what to say? Maybe buy huge clear boxes that fit into a bookshelf. There he can see his stuff but it does not lay around.


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## n_c (Apr 14, 2009)

Rbella: I dont have advice cause I throw out shit i dont need 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Trust me if you have not used it in the last year, you dont need it


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## elegant-one (Apr 14, 2009)

How the heck did I miss* this*!!! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Unlike Purrtykitty, I love laughing at your expense! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




My dh is like yours...damn pack rats I say & NO changing them now. For goodness sake, the man cannot even throw out a screw (now, now, now - the ones you build with )

Yeeeeah, I have no answers other than a paper shredder.






 I miss ya!


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## rbella (Apr 14, 2009)

I bought 2 pretty boxes to house his stupid supplements he is always buying.  They were overflowing, so I threw 4 bottles of different vitamins away.  My luck he'll notice and it will be the ones he uses.  He almost cried when he saw it.  

He said "Why did you do that?  I had it organized and now I won't be able to find what I need!!"  WTF????????  There were literally 40 different bottles of vitamins in my KITCHEN CABINET with no rhyme or reason.

I also bought a binder with inserts for business cards.  He is fighting me on it and telling me that the big stack sitting on top of the filing cabinet is how he _needs_ them.  He knows where they are in that stack.  Sweet Jesus.


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## kaliraksha (Apr 14, 2009)

Haha, that's hilarious... they can be so unreasonable at times.... my boyfriend keeps every box of every item that costs over 40 bucks... I'm serious. We don't have a storage closet... it's a freaking tetris arrangement of boxes.


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## AlliSwan (Apr 15, 2009)

I would basically give him the ultimatum of, we're sitting down and going through this for 2 hours (or whatever) every weekend, until it's under control. If you want no part of it, I am throwing out what I want.


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## AlliSwan (Apr 15, 2009)

AND OMG at the business card stack. How frustrating! I worry about my boyfriend and I in the future because while the artist in me can let my apartment get a *little* messy, I have to overhaul it back to OCD status every week or two. Him? MESSY 24/7. He moved back into his parents' place until he can find a studio he likes and he's even messy there! UGHHHH


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## ms.marymac (Apr 16, 2009)

Quote:

   Originally Posted by *rbella* 

 
_I bought 2 pretty boxes to house his stupid supplements he is always buying.  They were overflowing, so I threw 4 bottles of different vitamins away.  My luck he'll notice and it will be the ones he uses.  He almost cried when he saw it.  

He said "Why did you do that?  I had it organized and now I won't be able to find what I need!!"  WTF????????  There were literally 40 different bottles of vitamins in my KITCHEN CABINET with no rhyme or reason.

I also bought a binder with inserts for business cards.  He is fighting me on it and telling me that the big stack sitting on top of the filing cabinet is how he needs them.  He knows where they are in that stack.  Sweet Jesus._

 

See? I had a feeling. My DH can find a missing article of clothing in a pile of clothes that looks like his dresser exploded, but can't find it when it's folded _in_ the dresser.


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## rbella (Apr 16, 2009)

Alli-Seriously, you've GOT to nip this shizz in the bud.  Otherwise, your life will be an unorganized mess.  

ms.mary-you weren't kidding.  You would have thought I was trying to give away a childhood puppy or something.  Ridiculous.

Elegant, purrrty and everyone else-I love you and you can all laugh at my pain anytime.  I would.  It is so unreal.

I finally wrote him a note last night b/c I realized that trying to talk to him about wasn't going to go anywhere.  I also realized that I was about 1 step away from a total freakout on him and I don't want to be that person.

He read my note, came in and told me he didn't realize it bothered me so much (HELLO!!!) and he would definitely work with me on a strategy.  We'll see how that goes.   I'll keep you updated.


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