# Ross & Rachel...Who was right? Break or no break?



## euphrosyne_rose (Apr 30, 2010)

I'm a self proclaimed Friends freak. I've posted on here before. I watch the DVD sets ALL the time. Basically when there's nothing on, I throw on a DVD and eventually go through them all. Yeah, I'm a geek. What can I say??
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I've always wondered what people thought of the Ross and Rachel "we were on a break" situation. Both had a pretty clear view of their stand of the situation and I always thought personally that Ross is the one who screwed up. It's true that Rachel told him they needed a break, but when he was at the bar with Joey and Chandler, he talked to Rachel on the phone and she started to tell him she didn't mean what she said but he learned Mark was there with her and before she could explain, he hung up on her and then that led to him having sex with the girl from the copy place, Chloe. 

In his mind, they were on a break and I see his point as well since in a way, once he hung up with Rachel at the bar, it was done. Later, he kept mentioning that he wasn't the only one at fault, but to me, Rachel never truly did anything wrong. I always thought the scenes from before they broke up where Ross went to her office without her permission to do the romantic dinner were good ones and it always annoyed me that Ross did all that and then expected Rachel to do the apologizing. Sounds like plenty of real life relationships in my opinion!

What do you think? On a break or not on a break? Ross's fault totally or did Rachel have a hand in it as well??


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## kaliraksha (May 3, 2010)

I'm also a Friends fanatic, I totally put it on in the background when I'm cooking or cleaning. I've seen it so many times I don't need to look at the screen, haha. While it isn't on par to the TV shows from today I love the characters and how it's almost a complete banter of endless jokes. You have to accept that it's very 90s. I've seen the whole series at least 10 times and the other day I caught a joke I missed the other 10 times. Oh, Chandler!

Anywho, I'm done with the praise! 

I don't think anyone was clearly at fault with the "we were on a break!" and maybe that was part of the problem. It was a misunderstanding, Ross thought they were over. But, as a relationship courtesy Ross was totally in the wrong. I'm sorry, but I can't get down with being with someone else within 48hrs of breaking up with someone you loved. It just seems disrespectful.


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## Geraldine (Nov 13, 2010)

Mmmmh, this is a difficult one. I think he screw it up by sleeping with the copy place girl. Like, it didn't even passed a week.


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## fairbrother87 (Mar 2, 2011)

I feel like I should chime in and add a differing opinion on the topic. Clearly, Ross was far too quick to "move on", but I feel that it is 90% Rachel's fault ( or more). When she said she wanted a break she took a moment after Ross said "let's go get some yogurt" and made the decision to say it. Ross called at the bar only to hear Mark in the background, which incidentally was one of the reasons Rachel decided to take a break ( she couldn't handle going through the same fight again and again). How she can throw it his face so often throughout the series is baffling and always stirs up a conversation between myself and my girlfriend ( her taking Rachel's side simply for the fact that Ross is a guy and must be wrong and a pig). When pushed to the edge you'll react in ways you thought you wouldn't. If Rachel knew Ross was with another woman I question what exactly she would have done with Mark that very same night. PS If the tables were turned I'd be on Rachel's side....but that isn't even close to being the case!


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## Haribu (Apr 6, 2011)

Clearly Rachel took too much on herself! Yes, Ross was a little bit crazy about there relationship and too much jealous of Mark but Rachel was the one who wanted to take a break and it doesn't matter how fast Ross has found a new girl (not to mention he was upset and drunk) she had no right to judge him and then act like a victim! BTW in her younger years she's slept with a bunch of guys so speaking honestly she's kinda way worse than Ross!


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## sayah (Apr 9, 2011)

Well, I think Ross acted the worst. Even if they had broken up and were not just "taking a break" his sleeping with another girl so soon after is a huge red flag for me. Add the jealousy and I'm not his no 1 fan.


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## matowar (Apr 15, 2012)

So Rachel breaks up with Ross and he can't do what he wants?  She dumped him!  He didn't cheat or do anything wrong. If they weren't broke up then why did she ask if she could be his girlfriend again when she got to his apartment and also on the answering machine she said she didn't want to get back together over the a machine. The plain and simple truth is this; once she said they were done she had no right to but into his business.  She cannot dictate what or who he does.  Rachel is 100% in the wrong and Ross is completely blameless.


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## rossisright (Jul 21, 2012)

Well first of all, most of your responses are completely biased towards Rachel...

  	Ross has done nothing wrong.... She was a filthy b***h ... she was not a wife material.... she never respected Ross... Definitely they were on a break... and if she feels that they were not on a break then what the hell was Mark doing at her place.... he could sleep with any girl anytime.. there is no rule that he has to wait for 48 hours....

  	Rachel was never suited for Ross... Ross was sincere,, Rachel was a b***h..


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## pyscho23 (Feb 1, 2013)

I really think both of them had equal parts to blame. They both did something wrong and could have avoided those mistakes they made but that doesn't make either of them an a**hole. The only a**hole was Mark in my opinion. I mean, yea, sure he wanted to date Rachel but as a guy would u really want to break off someone else's 1 year long relationship because u have a crush on the girl? I know i wouldn't.

  	Its true Ross was a little too insecure about Rachel and Mark. But thats only because he loved her so much. The fact that Rachel wanted a break from them broke his heart and he obviously was too hurt and drunk to be thinking and doing the right thing. Many people said Ross is the bad guy in all this but I really don't think so. If I were him, I don't think I'll be doing anything different. After the story in Ross' perspective goes like this:

  	The girlfriend he loves all of a sudden receives a job offer from a stranger, and like many guys, he become a little jealous. And on your 1st anniversary, she ditches him because she has to work (with the guy he is jealous of) and you get into a little fight. During the fight, his girlfriend suggests they should take a break, not from yogurt, but from them. Most people would take this as we should stay away from each other for a while. Angry and heartbroken, he goes to a bar, but tries to mends things up. But finds out that the guy that he suspected Rachel was seeing is with her. A pretty girl at the bar offers some sympathy sex. Most guys would not have done anything different.

  	Now lets look at the story from Rachel's perspective: Her boyfriend has a slight problem with the big break she is having as her careers is finally going somewhere. He cant even understand the fact that she is very busy with her work and most importantly, her boyfriend doesn't trust her about the fact that she is not cheating on him with her coworker. All she wanted was that little room of space and out of frustration she suggest that they need some space in-between them. She takes the next opportunity for company (even though she denied at first) to vent about the needy boyfriend she as. Out of wrong timing, her boyfriend finally has enough prove she is indeed seeing her coworker she feels absolutely guilty and tries to make things right with her boyfriend. The only thing she did wrong in my opinion was to allow Mark to go to her place. Understandably, she is out of friends at that time (Monica and Phoebe were on a double date) but she still shouldn't have let Mark in. I mean, if i love my girlfriend and she a little jealous of some other girl, I would avoid to be with that girl alone completely.

  	So I really think if they worked things out, they could have gone back together easily. Once again, miscommunication and not thinking right in the aftermath of Ross sleeping with the other girl caused problems. But one think that I think was too subtle in the show was Rachel keep mentioning how much Ross hurt her but what Rachel didn't realise was that she hurt Ross equally as much.


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## Majestic12 (Feb 25, 2013)

First of all, "taking a break" is female language for splitting up. In all my life, I've never seen anyone get back together once they've gone on a break. For Ross, it was over and although he blew one chance to make it back up, he was upset for a reason.

  	Basically, I have to side with Ross all the way. Let me tell you why:

  	Imagine if the roles were reversed: Ross got a job but barely got to spend any time with Rachel. Rachel then decides to surprise him at his job and they have a great time together. He blows her off and ... he'd be the massive jerk. Yet somehow, we are supposed to forgive Rachel because she's supposed the be a model for a strong woman? No, Rachel screwed up here. 

  	Second point: Mark. Why is Ross so worried about Mark? I've been in an identical situation and I understand 100%: if a guy comes out of nowhere to go out of his way to help your gf, it's not because he wants to be friends. I've seen it all too often: the guy will fill her head with doubts, will slowly turn her against you. And after Carol left him for Susan, Ross was already in a place where he didn't want it to happen again. It's not about trust - "trust" is a cheap word to use in a relationship because it's an ideal. In truth, a guy may well succeed at breaking a relationship apart and from a guy's point of view, why would it be worth taking the risk?

  	Third point: she asked for the break. She demanded an excuse from him despite her being in the wrong. An anniversary can be a big deal to people and YES, it's JUST a job. It doesn't matter that it means a great deal to you, it doesn't matter that you're good at it. A job should only be there to provide you with the money needed to live your life. And if you think losing a boyfriend is worth it over a job, you shouldn't have a relationship in the first place.

  	Fourth point: she should NEVER have let Mark into her place. She wasn't drunk like Ross, she was the one who broke it off and insisted there was nothing between her and Mark and while she obviously regretted what she said, if the roles were reversed, Ross would have been "the bad guy".

  	So yeah, Ross was right, no contest. He was drunk, emotionally crushed and all this because of Rachel. She put him there. He didn't sleep with her out of choice and obviously he regretted it happened when he was sober, but Rachel screwed up while she wasn't drunk, while she had only to blame herself.


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## MaitaiFluff (Feb 25, 2013)

pyscho23 said:


> So I really think if they worked things out, they could have gone back together easily. Once again, miscommunication and not thinking right in the aftermath of Ross sleeping with the other girl caused problems. But one think that I think was too subtle in the show was Rachel keep mentioning how much Ross hurt her but what Rachel didn't realise was that she hurt Ross equally as much.


  That actually kind of makes you think that had they worked on their communication a little better they would've been *the* power couple that stays together.   





Majestic12 said:


> First of all, "taking a break" is female language for splitting up. In all my life, I've never seen anyone get back together once they've gone on a break. For Ross, it was over and although he blew one chance to make it back up, he was upset for a reason.  Third point: she asked for the break. She demanded an excuse from him despite her being in the wrong. An anniversary can be a big deal to people and YES, it's JUST a job. It doesn't matter that it means a great deal to you, it doesn't matter that you're good at it. A job should only be there to provide you with the money needed to live your life. And if you think losing a boyfriend is worth it over a job, you shouldn't have a relationship in the first place.


  My SO and I have broken up and have gotten back together a year later. We also took a short break and decided to stay together. It works out sometimes.  Also, I think this was much more than a job to Rachel. This was the start of her career, and, to me at least, that's a big deal. My SO understands that it is one of the most important things in my life and. for the most part, we both understand when one of us has to work late, even if one of us ends up stood up. We will always be there for one another, but opportunities to move ahead with our careers won't always be.


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## KiarieHanata (Oct 17, 2013)

Like some of the previous posters, I'm also a Friends fanatic (it's actually currently playing in the background). This is a question I've thought a lot about and I think they are both in the wrong, but Rachel more so than Ross.

  Rachel is in the wrong for calling him a cheater. He never cheated on her. Yes, he slept with another women, AFTER Rachel called off their relationship. As a girl that has been in a similar situation, I understand why Rachel was upset, but they were no longer together, therefore, Ross could do what he wanted with who he wanted. 

  Ross is in the wrong for jumping to conclusions. He just assumed something was going to happen because Mark was over at Rachel's. He should have waited for Rachel to explain. I believe that Ross wouldn't have slept with Chloe if he given Rachel the chance to talk. He's also in the wrong for trying to hide it from Rachel. He should have come clean from the start. 



  Quote:
  Originally Posted by *Majestic12* 

 
  So yeah, Ross was right, no contest. He was drunk, emotionally crushed and all this because of Rachel. She put him there. He didn't sleep with her out of choice and obviously he regretted it happened when he was sober, but Rachel screwed up while she wasn't drunk, while she had only to blame herself.



  Ross may have been drunk, but that's no excuse. He wasn't forced to drink, he wasn't forced to sleep with Chloe, those were both his choices. Granted, one happened because of the other, but that's just a perfect example of cause and effect. 

  Anyway, that's just my two cents.

  ~Kiarie


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## Guardian94 (Oct 23, 2013)

I am a huge Friends fan. I watched all 10 seasons in a week during my holidays. I hate Ross a LOT because hes very annoying. I think Rachel is slightly wrong here and Ross is completely wrong. 

  First of all, Rachel had finally found her dream job, something she was passionate about. If she just forgot about the job she could have been fired and she would never have had another opportunity to get such a good job again. They could always have celebrated the anniversary later or the next day. Remember on their first date, Ross had a problem at the museum. If he didn't care so much about his job he could have just ignored the problem and enjoyed their first date together. But they went to the museum anyway and it took several hours for Ross to finish his work and by that time it was already late. Despite that, they found a way to make up for it and they had a REALLY enjoyable night. Anyway, people forget that many men put their job ahead of family and their girlfriends and barely spend any time with their loved ones. Its easy for a guy to just tell the girl to put her job on the line but they wouldn't do it themselves.

  Also, when Ross had to give a speech in 3rd season 2nd episode, he was so worried about being late that he shouted at Rachel for not being ready even though she was trying to look good for his speech. It seems like he cared more about his speech than he cared for his girlfriend.

  Rachel was very stressed out after working late and all the crap that Ross did in the office that when she got home she was very tired and irritated. Ross was annoying her even more accusing her of ruining their night. Rachel said that "MAYBE" they should take a break. Ross doesn't even try to argue, he just walks out the door and heads to a bar. In the fight at the end of the episode "The morning after", Ross asks Rachel if she wants to fight for their relationship or not but he never fought.

  It was wrong of Rachel to allow Mark to come to her place just after Ross left. It felt like Mark was just barging in to her place. Rachel refused at first but he just ignored her and did what he wanted. Rachel needed her friends since she was upset with what she had said but since her two best friends were not there, she allowed Mark to listen to her story and cheer her up as a friend.

  When Ross called Rachel from the bar, he didn't even listen to what she had to say. As soon as he heard Mark's voice, he just hung up and went off to drink.  

  It infuriates me when people keep talking as if a relationship is a contract, as if when one party wants to cancel the contract, the other party is free to do what they want. A relationship is about love and feelings and caring about each other. Ross and Rachel were supposed to be in love. Just because he thought they had broken up was no excuse for him to have sex with another girl a few hours after "breaking up". It doesn't even feel like he loved Rachel. He had no excuse to get drunk either. He didn't do that even when his wife whom he loved for 7 years declared she was a lesbian and wanted to divorce.

  Also, Rachel tried to make up for it the morning after. She did her best to get back together but Ross didn't even bother except to fight with her in the end and act as if everything was her fault.

  To summarise, Ross acted like a dick(like most guys do).

  BTW I am a guy and I am partial to girls cause I think they're more sensible and the world would be better if they were managing it.


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## Majestic12 (Oct 23, 2013)

Quote:
    First of all, Rachel had finally found her dream job, something she was passionate about. If she just forgot about the job she could have been fired and she would never have had another opportunity to get such a good job again. They could always have celebrated the anniversary later or the next day. Remember on their first date, Ross had a problem at the museum. If he didn't care so much about his job he could have just ignored the problem and enjoyed their first date together. But they went to the museum anyway and it took several hours for Ross to finish his work and by that time it was already late. Despite that, they found a way to make up for it and they had a REALLY enjoyable night. Anyway, people forget that many men put their job ahead of family and their girlfriends and barely spend any time with their loved ones. Its easy for a guy to just tell the girl to put her job on the line but they wouldn't do it themselves.


  Boy do you have a bad memory. Rachel had neglected Ross for weeks because of her job - that's a far cry from one single date where Ross did his best to make up for it. Compared to that, Rachel was just bitchy when she got home and got very defensive. Do you honestly and seriously think a job should be so important that it would stop you from barely seeing your gf or bf for weeks? If you think even a guy would get away with that, you're naive. Relationships don't work like that. Again, if it had been the other way round and Ross had been blowing her off for weeks, this thread would have been filled with "OMG Ross was such a douche for neglecting poor Rachel!" but once again, the guy is always wrong even if the girl is the one who is selfish. Don't get me wrong, I can see how important a job is, but there are limits. I have a demanding job myself but if a job is so bad it dominates your life and stops you from spending important times with your family friends and lovers, then you're doing something wrong, full stop.


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## Guardian94 (Oct 24, 2013)

It was one week. Not several weeks. -.-
  Do you have any other silly arguments?


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## MmeSpark (Nov 21, 2013)

Geraldine said:


> Mmmmh, this is a difficult one. I think he screw it up by sleeping with the copy place girl. Like, it didn't even passed a week.


  I totally agree. Taking all into consideration, it was too quick and there was no excuse. 

  I LOVE Friends, and still get upset when I see that episode.


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## whyslaylessthou (Jan 19, 2014)

If people are still reading this thread Rachel definitely overacted as they were on a break. She even tells Monica in the 'Morning After' episode that they broke up instead of having their anniversary dinner. So she knows they broke up and was being unreasonable. Sure what Ross did was an incident which would be frowned upon by some but it wasn't wrong as the two of them were no longer together.


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## mosha010 (Jan 19, 2014)

I agree. They were on a break.  It hurt cause he did it that same night but still


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## k3n2s1 (Jun 3, 2014)

If we're strictly talking about the break/no break situation, Ross is CLEARLY the right one and Rachel is NOT. It isn't even close. 

  First of all, I think everyone is letting their view of who the better person was during the entire length of their relationship into this argument, which is another argument for another day. Of course Ross was being overly jealous and overstepping his boundaries in regards to her job. But again, another argument for another day. 

  As for the real argument, Rachel was the one that said "let's take a break," fully knowing what that meant. She even had the chance to stop and think about what she said to prevent it from snowballing when Ross said "let's go get some yogurt." She even says to Monica the next day that they broke up, so that's a huge flaw in her argument to begin with. 

  The other MAJOR problem is the fact that she LET Mark come over that night. Never really tried to stop him (she gave a half-ass try because she really did want him there). She could have called Monica, Phoebe or even one of the other guys before speaking to Mark about. No guy who isn't clearly interested in a girl would rush to over to their place if he wasn't trying to angle himself into being the next guy. She couldn't have possibly been that naive. Ross had every right to feel the way he felt after he called her and heard Mark in the background. Why should he wait to hear her explanation about why he's there? She didn't waste anytime having her over. That's way more offensive than anything he did. Their relationship is on the rocks and that's the first person she decides to speak to? Definitely not okay. She had to have known how that would make Ross feel. IF the relationship wasn't done before, it was definitely done now. 

  Ross would've never made the mistake, if Rachel hadn't made several of them first. Ross didn't have sex so soon because of his raging testosterone. He had it because he was seriously hurt and reasonably thought that Rachel was at her apartment possibly having a good time with Mark. Thing that bugged me was that this argument was an afterthought on the show. Ross mentioned it once and never delved deeper into it during the huge fight.


  If you want to debate about their relationship I can understand that, but I honestly never understood how there was ever any debate over the Break/No Break thing.


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## motleyfan (Jun 13, 2014)

Y'all gotta remember, when Rachel even said to Monica " we kinda broke up ". She didn't even say on a break


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## Ajigglin (Jun 13, 2014)

I love that this is even a thread! That being said, Ross was right. The timing was wack. "We are on a break" means I'm a free agent.


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## ClintonDawkins (Aug 30, 2014)

It was a very 90's show, with all our imperfect understanding of what constituted a healthy relationship at the time. I think you have a very balanced point of view. I just re-watched "The One With All The Jealousy", and it was very obvious that Ross was very insecure due to his breakup with Carol. But that had nothing to do with Rachel and it was his fault that he carried the baggage with him. No, acting possessive is not love--it's obsession, stalkerish. Love isn't about owning someone. It's about trust and Ross didn't have that. It's not Rachel's fault that she worked with a guy, or that the guy liked her.


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## Jason Almasan (Aug 30, 2014)

Actually I'd like to disagree with you on one account, I think one of the main reasons you agreeing with Rachel is because she's the same gender. Now I'm not going to pretend that I don't do that I mean I'm obviously I'm mainly siding with Ross because he's the same gender. But of course I need more than that to prove my point, I read your post, and I agree that it sounds like she was wanting a break but not quite, (your better at explaining that) and I also agree that Ross was really was really irrational to hang up on Rachel without her explaining why Mark was there, however On Season 3 Episode 16 at 14:33 Rachel says the words and I quote "We were on a break." and of course later on in the series Rachel always argues with Ross that they were "not on a break" leading to contradiction.


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## Sumanthp (Aug 31, 2014)

I see why you take Rachel's side because u r a girl. And I must say Rachel is no saint. She said she was on a break and there is no such rule as to how long  a person has to wait before he/she can find another person. However since Ross loved Rachel for 10 years before dated her for 2 years I think he should have been more sensitive about her and waited for more time. If you take a big picture and see what Rachel messed up with Ross and his relationships I don't blame Ross for moving on soon.   Again though Ross is not matured , in this case I don't completely blame Ross for thinking they were on  a break. Rachel did realize that she didn't want to break up with Ross immediately. She can change her views quickly but Ross can't ?  In fact  since the beginning it was Rachel who was screwing up with the relationships that Ross has had.  With Julie, and with phoebe's friend that shaves her head and worst of all ask him to take the entire blame saying "once a cheater always a cheater"??  In my opinion for Rachel , "once a bi*** always a bi***".  I know Ross is an idiot and moron but he definitely shouldn't be with Rachel. People think Ross is no good for Rachel but that's because Rachel (Jennifer) herself was too hot to find faults in her.   As I said both are equally faulty- Ross with his insecurity and Rachel for being such a s*ut and bi***


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## Ajigglin (Aug 31, 2014)

How did you conclude that Rachel was a slut?


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## Sumanthp (Sep 3, 2014)

Well if you have seen friends all episodes and with unbiased mind (forget her hotness and looks) u will know that she is a horrible person than ross. Remember she slept with Barry knowing that mindy is marrying him ? Barry and mindy were engaged and about to be married definitely "not on break". She cheated on her best friend. Ross never cheated on her. So what gives rachel right to call ross a cheater ? If u don't agree then u like her looks rather than her character.


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## Sumanthp (Sep 3, 2014)

Ajigglin said:


> How did you conclude that Rachel was a slut?


   Kissing the interviewer in an interview, dating am assistant, cheating on Barry and mindy,trying to seduce the ob/gyn in the hospital, dating Paul the father of a girl ross, her ex bf , was dating   Kissing co worker while the baby was born very recently, manipulating ross to prevent him from knowing that she gave her number on a girls night out , lying to her father about her not marrying ross , trying to humiliate in front of the judges to get her marriage annulled ,dating joey while having a baby with ross , setting him up with Emily just to make out with josh  with out caring about his "friend"'s feelings , to name a few


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## Ajigglin (Sep 3, 2014)

Other than sleeping with Barry, none of these things fall into the definition of a slut. And the Barry thing is shaky. That's one instance.


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## Sumanthp (Sep 4, 2014)

In the sitcoms world yes things are not serious. Even deaths are seen through comic glasses. Break ups are very common. But in reality these things won't work.


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## Rossisright4 (Sep 4, 2014)

As a Friends fan in college and a re-watcher now 10 years later, my opinion has changed. At first (age 19), I thought that Ross was wrong to sleep with someone else and Rachel had all rights to be hurt and take years to move on. Now, as I re-watch the entire season for the umpteenth time this year, I feel very different. 

  First, as a woman who now has a demanding career, I know that it is paramount to give special time to my SO now husband. When my now husband and I started dating six years ago I was an assistant and he a grad student. Now, I we have equal success and we both have jobs that demand over 40 hours a week. It is fascinating to me how my complete opinion of the Ross/Rachel break-up and after period is different now. 

  Rachel was down right WRONG to avoid Ross for probably around a month (mentioning he didn't see her much or she was working late for four episodes before the break-up). She also wrote off his concerns about Mark in a simple, frustrating, "don't you trust me?" woman's lib thing that as a woman frustrates me. YES, he trusts you. He also knows men a little more than you (we can all agree she is sheltered) and he knows what Mark is trying to accomplish. She needed to trust HIM. Also, the added insecurity of the Carol/Sharon year gym partnership pre-divorce means she should have been more understanding. Adding to the fact it was made clear to her that Ross was right all along and she NEVER really apologizes to Ross about her mistake or takes that into consideration when accusing him later on. 

  Should he have gone to her office no, but she never offered another day to celebrate. Just "I have to work." I am on a work trip during my husband's birthday this year, so I set aside the entire Saturday before to do whatever he wants. She is not saying, "I am so sorry I am clearing my schedule so we can spend all of Saturday to celebrate." (And then keep the date) She is communicating for him to get out of her way and just deal with the fact she now has switched priorities. I say switched because she wasn't adding, she just changed focus from Ross to her boss. She needs to learn to juggle. 

  That all said Ross shouldn't have slept with the girl. I probably would have hung up if a female version of Mark was in my SO's apartment 3 hours after we had broken up too, but still a drunken mistake. He shouldn't have tried to cover it up either. But all said, I think Rachel was really upset because it made her think that Ross might be able to move on from her. She masked that pain by painting him a "cheater" 

  What REALLY bugs me as an adult though and gets to the fact I don't enjoy the Ross/Rachel part of Friends anymore is Rachel's immaturity. At 26 she made mistakes trying to balance career and relationship. Who doesn't? That said, she has no right to continue to be selfish and make it ALL about her pain in the beginning of the fourth season. That letter was a joke and Ross had all rights to be furious. Not to mention the  Rachel coming to London and then not being interested in Ross again after he says her name.  

  Thankfully by the finale Rachel FINALLY grew up enough to get over it and herself that they could be together. Personally I find Season 5-10 Ross weak and whiny and Rachel selfish (better after having Emma), but if they love each other, that is what matters.


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## onlyguyhere (Jan 15, 2015)

I just created this account to show up a male point of view here.  The problem with everyone's opinion on here is that your considering show facts of characters and not like actual feelings of people...and then saying things about relationships!!!  When you have a break (breakup) with a girl that you feel was way out of left field, its sort of natural to just not have a grieving period. You sort of feel wronged and its like okay I'm down for other girls [email protected]#$ whoever was in the past. That's (from a male POV) where Ross was at, if you see something like that coming then you get 'the devastation' and sit on your couch and not talk to girls for a bit, but Ross like one episode before (yes I'm going to show facts now) said to Rachel the speech about how he loves her so much more than Susan and opened up into how bad it would be to lose that, so he wasn't really expecting this 'plot twist' and when another girl was so warm to him....well we all know that that is something nice you just say yes to.... unless you''ve put yourself through the breakup and feel like its your fault and turn away from what you think you shouldn't have... I hope that makes sense to all you girls... its like very honest.  Meanwhile the least important thing here is the other guy (fashion guy), and Rachel seems to know she made a bad call by just ending the relationship ONE WEEK after Ross admitting his feelings about it. What she really does wrong is to just call in the morning and hug him and everything is okay.... I'm not saying I wouldn't do it if I was Ross though, its just sort of a thin way to be.   IT SORT OF COMES DOWN TO THIS:  Here's a breakup and then we'll get back together before I have to go to work, but you should be willing to accept responsibility for the entire thing later (because you did something naturally instinctive that I couldn't understand!). I'm not going to lie its cruel to have such expectations of the person your in a relationship with, even though I probably would do it if I were Ross....see.   Does it? Well, Does it?  I was in the middle when I started writing...but now I'm leaning to one side.  PS ROSS has only been with 2 girls, so when one dumps him and a wildly hot copy girl starts it up.... do you think THAT is really his fault. This is my weakest point....but still you've got to give it to Ross....and maybe Chandler.   Also I'm watching the episode where he dates the really hot chick from his work.... like super model hot... how could Rachel ever think to break up with Ross....PSYCHO


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## KBright (Jan 28, 2015)

Let me start off by saying:  I really really dislike both Ross and Rachel.  They're both incredibly selfish, immature, and lack any sense of self-awareness. They persistently act petty and childish.  I get that that makes for great 'drama' but that's kind of code word for 'I don't know how to behave like an adult.'  There's a reason Monica and Chandler made it while Ross and Rachel were always in some sort of fight or trouble. I think both are wrong (but Rachel moreso) though I start off with Ross.

  The whole thing with Mark?  No, not every guy out there who helps a female is out to get in her pants.  Shocking, I know, but altruists DO exist and as a non-trivial part of the population.  The immediate assumption that men only speak to women as a means to an end makes men into little more than animalistic manipulators.  That's degrading.  It's not unreasonable to fear that someone *might* have ulterior motives - and if Ross has said 'I'm worried Mark may not be as honest about his intentions as we'd like him to be, will you please keep that in mind when you spend time with him?' then things would have been peachy.  But of course friends, ever the show to relegate genders into black and white roles, declares it impossible for a guy to help a girl for no reason.  

  So:  Ross shouldn't have treated Rachel like property that other men were howling to get at.  If he was concerned about Mark he could have addressed that in a mature fashion that didn't denigrate half of the human population.  Rachel, even if she believed Marks intentions to be good, could respect Ross's fears and limit (though not omit) contact with Mark to what was necessary.  They both could responsibly let the situation play out to better determine what his motives were - especially since Rachel needed a job that made her happy.

  When Rachel got the job how Ross behaved was terrifying.  The degree of possessiveness was unconscionable.  He wasn't sending her nice things because he cared about her, but to make it very, very clear to Mark that she had a significant other.  He didn't respect that SHE knew how to say no to advances (that at that point hadn't been made) from another man.  Ross was so insecure I'm surprised he didn't lock her up in his apartment all day.  And sleeping through a seminar he volunteered to go to that was important to her?  That's wrong.  If you can't make it through, don't go, but don't embarrass her in public like that.

  When Rachel was at work and he brought in the picnic it was not romantic.  He didn't respect that she was in a difficult situation that needed to be resolved before she could spend time with him.  He expected her to prioritize him over her career when he did not extend her the same courtesy.  There will *always* be time when work has to come first - and new jobs are at the top of the list.  Building a healthy life means learning to deal with not seeing each other sometimes - occasionally to the point of loneliness.  What would have been better would be for him to assert that he understood her dilemma but needed her to commit to making make-up plans for their anniversary that she could not back out of.  That would allow him to be supportive of her work and career while showing that the relationship did need to be a priority in her life.

  Lastly - sleeping with the xerox girl wasn't wrong.  It was just a poor decision but was wholly understandable given the information he had at the time.  Ill advised?  Yes.  Morally wrong?  Not in the least.  He was hurt, from what he knew the relationship was over, and he was drunk.  That happens.

  Now for Rachel - her expectations of Ross were ridiculous.  'I thought you would never hurt me' she says at one point.  Well, that's lovely, did you want a unicorn too?  That's not a fair burden to place on someone.  Anyone.  No matter what everyone you love will hurt you and you will hurt them.  It's kind of part of being human.  Rachel also should have respected Ross's fears about Mark while establishing positive boundaries - i.e. working with him was fine but going out to things after work wasn't.  There were other people in the office she could be closer friends with.  No, others shouldn't dictate our relationships but respecting the worries of our partners is just a kind thing to do. 

  If Rachel had to consistently miss dates - to the point that Ross couldn't be certain when or if they would meet any given day then she was acting irresponsibly.  She was treating his time preparing, clearing his schedule, without respect.  While we can't anticipate emergencies, when work persistently needs you in then either at some point you don't go in or you let the person you've left hanging know that you can't reasonably accommodate a relationship. The latter option isn't terrible either - we all also have times when career does come first, and that's often when it's just starting.  If she couldn't devote the time to the relationship that Ross needed then it was on her to end the relationship to let him be with someone who would give him what he needed.  Alternatively, they could have a time-span plan, where she spent X amount of time building up her resume there and making a good impression and then after that time if she were still missing too many dates she could (with her newly good-looking resume) seek a position elsewhere.  

  Lastly, Rachel said the morning after that they had 'broken up.'  She was not ambiguous about it.  If they were broken up he didn't cheat.  It's not unreasonable to be hurt that he immediately slept with someone else, but it was certainly not him stepping out on her.  At worst it should have made things harder (but not impossible) to fix.  When you break up with someone there are consequences - namely, that the other person will be very very hurt and act irrationally.  That's what Ross did.  It wasn't a moral failing, it was a reaction to what she did.  Her failure to accept any responsibility was mind-blowing.  Her later attempts to call it cheating were wholly disgusting, and were just manipulative attempts to vindictively hurt Ross and ruin his reputation.

  So final tally:
  Ross wins with respect to the sleeping with Xerox girl
  Rachel wins with respect to (most) of the behavior leading up to the break

  But I still hate them both.  They're just... mean, terrible, self-centered people.


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## PrettiTrini (Jun 8, 2015)

I'm gonna try to make this short, but there is a lot of explaining to do. Here goes: I felt Ross was a little wrong, and I felt Rachel was totally wrong, and here's why...  Rachel  One: SHE initiated the "break" with Ross. Not the other way around. He said, "Let's get some frozen yogurt." She sighs and says, "No, a break from us." In my opinion, male or female, "let's take a break" means you may not wanna see that person for a while, see what's out there, weigh options and so on.  Two: When Ross called to make up, and heard Mark in the background, he asked, "Who's that?" She replied, "Nobody." (I noticed no one else mentioned that) Now, if Mark is her friend and she only invited him over to talk, why lie to Ross? Then when Mark spoke again, she made a face like she wanted him to be quiet. Again, I ask, WHY is she hiding that from Ross?  Three: She SAID to Monica they broke up. So, with that being said, if she HAD slept with Mark, it would have been no foul.   Four: She mentioned on Ross's answering machine that she didn't want to "get back together on a machine", then when she showed up, she asked, "Can I be your girlfriend again?" In my experience, when that question is asked, it's because a relationship is in a mending and rebuilding process.  Five: She didn't even try to understand that Ross only did what he did because he was upset. He assumed that she could have never wanted to be with him again. So, in a combination of inebriation and sadness, he went to bed with a pretty girl who had been clinging to him all night and was OBVIOUSLY interested in the Ross-A-Tron. LOL. (I had to, I couldn't help myself.)  Ross  One: He showed up to Rachel's job even though she told him she was busy. She just started a new job, and she was trying to build a career, which all the other friends have, and she didn't.  Two: Assumptions about Mark. It was SO annoying. I mean, granted, some guys DO "befriend" girls in relationships for more than friendship, but he should know his lady better than that.  Three: The way the fight started before the break. He should have been a tad bit more understanding before he told he wanted her to apologize. That wasn't right.   Four: Listening to Chandler and Joey when they told him to think of the trail and keep Rachel from finding out.  It was long, but I needed to put my two cents in. I LOVE Friends and all the characters. Wonderful show.


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## Joey Carr (Nov 13, 2015)

Rossisright4 I completely agree with everything you said, But you did not expand on "Ross shouldn't have slept with that girl". From an impulsive point of view.. he should not have. From a factual point of view? He had every right to. Single, social gathering, adult. Its consensual. So legally he did nothing wrong. Emotionally.. maybe he should have gone home and gotten drunk by him self watching sappy romantic movies. However, I do like what the person said a couple of lines above me. He has only been with 2 women. Rachel was kind of a slut back in high school. Its referenced many times and she did it to become popular. AGAIN THOUGH.. that's fine. shes hot.. guys want her.. I'm sure hot football players wanted her to so no I will not blame her for having sex in high school. Dear lord I know I did ! But her views are kind of muddled compared to Ross. If i was 28 years old and only been with 2 women, and throw my all into a relationship only to have the love of my life throw it back into my face... DUMP me.. and then have the guy that caused all of this at her house 3 HOURS LATER? Yeah.. I'm bow in out. I'm get tin drunk and hooking up with the super model looking easy loose girl that I dint give a shit about. Its called a potty F***. 


  I would like to add.. that I LOVE this part of the writing of friends. I'm glad that we can all debate about stuff like this years after. That not only constitutes grate writing, but It goes to show that something like this will be debated forever.. Some times right is right, wrong is wrong... but in this instance... its a very thin line. I love it, and I also have been in the exact same situation and reacted the way Rachel did. I dumped a girl.. and within 3 days she drove to some dudes house and had sex with him, I made a joke and asked her if she had slept with anyone (figuring she hadn't) and she said IMHO... and I was like are you kidding me? And she said yeah I drove over to his house and we did it. I don't regret it. I wanted to. And i said. well that sucks for you, cause now we can never be together, I need you to get off my bed and leave right now. And without even arguing she just got up and left. We haven't been together since, I haven't talked to her in at least a year, and still form my understanding shes a bit of a slut. So I'm glad its over.


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## Jenni142408 (Jan 25, 2016)

euphrosyne_rose said:


> I'm a self proclaimed Friends freak. I've posted on here before. I watch the DVD sets ALL the time. Basically when there's nothing on, I throw on a DVD and eventually go through them all. Yeah, I'm a geek. What can I say??
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## kittens4ever (Jul 9, 2017)

I am a HUGE friends fan and I love the show. I think that when Ross and Rachel "were on a break" it was Mostly Rachel's fault.

In Season 3-16 (The one with the Morning After) in the beginning Rachel said "we decided to break up instead." So they had clearly broken up and Ross could've slept with anyone. Don't get me wrong I love Rachel she is my favorite character! Also, it wasn't completely Ross's fault that he slept with "the girl from the copy place" because she was the one who told Isaac and started "the trail" and he was drunk. I guess that wasn't really the point. It was also partly Ross's fault because he should have just trusted Rachel.

So to conclude it was both their fault and in the end they still got together.


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